I look like I have it all together, but I'm completely overwhelmed... help!

[FearNotSheHathRisen]

I'm 50, own a company that is doing well, have a brilliant marriage and three great kids. From the outside, it looks like I have it all figured out and have my shit together, but over the past couple of years, I've been struggling with feeling completely overwhelmed, with the smallest of things leaving me feeling completely paralysed.

I was late diagnosed with ADHD after researching it for my children and when menopause or perimenopause hit, my mental health fell apart. I've gone from being upbeat, positive and a 'let's go!' kind of person to someone who feels a mix of dread and fear most days and I have zero oomph. I'm so lethargic, I feel like Eyeore all the time.

At work, I'm really struggling with my executive function and in my role, I have to juggle a lot of balls but I'm constantly rescuing thing just before they drop as I'm not in control. My work is demanding and pretty relentless and honestly, I'm not sure I'm still up to it even though I listen to myself in meetings and am reassured that I still know what I'm doing - I just can't follow through. The pace of work doesn't allow me to coast or take a breather, and if I did, it would cause issues right across the company, for my colleagues and for the people who pay for our expertise. I constantly feel like I'm running to catch up and am never in control, which means I start every day feeling behind and stressed, but when asked, I'd say I love what I do. And I do.

At home it's much the same. Daily tasks leave me feeling defeated, such as a pile of laundry, a dishwasher than needs emptying or dinner to be made. I buy ingredients to make a cake and just can't face doing it. I make big plans and get excited about them, but then.... nothing. My husband is amazing and has definitely picked up the majority of the load at home as most evenings, I'm so tired I can barely function. I know this isn't fair.

I'm medicated for ADHD which has had a huge impact, but it's not a magic bullet. I'm on HRT which has helped put my mental health on more of an even keel, but still, I feel like life is just running away with me and I'm struggling to keep up.

I've tried to help myself - I have countless planners, notebooks and diaries to help me plan more effectively, but I don't use them properly. I order vitamins to help brain function and reduce fatigue but forget to take them. I go to bed early to get more sleep but wake countless times in the night, so wake up tired. I've lost weight (yay), improved my diet, upped my hydration and joined a gym (though in typical style, I've not been yet), and I'm determined to 'fix' myself. I'm also on anti-depressants which I'm scared to come off.

For those of you who are busy with work, family, life... how are you making life easier for yourself? What do you do to help yourself and does it work? Am I missing any tricks to simplify life?

I have a cleaner every few weeks, we order meal kits, my husband is brilliant, and we're getting the kids to do more, but how can I change things?

Does anyone else feel this way?

Give yourself a break it sounds like burn out and I can totally relate .
I ended up taking lots of annual leave that was owed and made a huge effort to declutter the house ( totally ruthless ) and get organisation and systems in place to make things flow better .

I was stressed about trying to find things etc .., now a place for everything and everything in its place type thing .

My job is very stressful and I travel a lot so felt like I was struggling to remember everything.

I am a single parent so do it all though my DD is great at helping . Responsibilities of elderly parents etc also …, something had to give …

I took 2 days completely for myself to rest and just let everyone who demands my time get on with it . Guess what ? The world didn’t end !

I second the sentiments of a previous poster … some days “ good enough “ will have to suffice !

Best of luck and take care of yourself .

I handwrite a weekly plan each Sunday and put it on the fridge with all the detail about everything happening for the week ahead. What is for tea, which family member is cooking it, who needs lifts where and when and which parent is doing those, appointments, shopping delivery, what laundry is done that day etc. This helps me.

I don't know if this helps to hear or not, but I think it sounds like you are doing amazingly!

Not sure I have much advice to give. I am a SAHM to one child and I still feel like I'm completely overwhelmed and drowning 90% of the time! So by comparison I'd say you're managing pretty well. Fairly small things can suddenly become really big deals for me (example: I almost got a bit tearful while doing the big Christmas food shop. I had a very long list, it was moderately busy, and suddenly it all just felt too much. This would absolutely never have been a problem a few years ago).

Can you outsource anything? Cleaner, or gardener, or handyman, for example? Just so you have one less ball to think about. Although I completely appreciate that finding someone and organising that also takes a lot of brain space and energy.

You are all so lovely, so compassionate and so kind, you have made me feel so much better, thank you.

I will reply properly tomorrow as, true to form, I can barely keep my eyes open as it’s past 10pm, but please know how much you’ve all helped with your kind words.