Partner doesn’t share

[Susieblues]

when my family phone me they call on FaceTime and my partner and I share the conversation. My partner and I are both divorced, have lived together almost nine years (no wish to marry again) and live in a different country to both our families. When my partners sister phones he doesn’t even put the call on speakerphone so I can join in with the call. We all get on really well I may add. The phone call ends and I ask how his sister is and what she had to say and his reply is always “oh not much” after being on the phone for 30-44 minutes. His sister is terminally ill and struggling. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to join the conversation?

Have some boundaries. They’re entitled to privacy without you wishing to be included
No,it’s not regular to want to hear a conversation on speaker phone and participate

I appreciate all relationships are different but I don’t expect to be a part of my DH’s telephone conversations with family and vice versa.

Maybe they just want a conversation that is private? If you get in so well, perhaps you can call on your own?

It's lovely (for you!) that you want to "share" your family phone calls, but not necessary that he would want to do the same. FWIW I'd hate to be the person put on speaker so maybe that's his sisters feelings.

Title is very misleading

Yes.

My husband and I talk with our parents on FaceTime without the others involvement. Because of the time difference, I am usually in the room when he FaceTimes his parents. I will say hello and then I go and do something else.

Similarly, we each talk to our dd who is at university without the other one there. Obviously if I've got something to say to her then I'll say it but both of us make sure that we don't take over the others time.

He’s entitled to a private conversation with his own sister, no matter how mundane. Yabvvvvvu indeed.

Misleading title. Weird thread. You’re being very U.

YABVU. His sister is dying. He's entitled to speak to her without you being part of the conversation. This would really annoy me if my DH insisted on listening and joining all of my calls

YABU

Your partner and their sister (no matter how well you get on) are perfectly reasonable to want privacy on their phone calls.

Could you call her yourself? Not sure why you need to share a call.

And what if it's sister that has requested privacy? You really need to let go of this.

He should be able to have privacy with his terminally ill sister. She might be sharing things she doesn't want others to hear.

You're being very unreasonable and intrusive wanting to join in.

YABVU. Of course he can have private, one to one calls with his sister. I’ve never once joined in when DH calls his mum, that would be really weird. If there’s any important news he tells me afterwards. If she or I want to speak to each other, if we’re organising a family trip, or she wants to ask about birthday/Christmas present ideas for him, we call each other one to one. I’d find it really dull having to sit through one his catch ups with his mum to be honest!

Does his sister want you to join the conversation?

Facetiming is different that a phone call. Having a conversation with his family is nothing to do with sharing.

Honestly I find this very strange, my partner would never join in on any of my phone calls and I would never want to with him! Surely if you are close to his sister you can call her yourself?

You're well out of order. People are entitled to privacy.

I got on well with my in laws (they died many years ago), but I would never have dreamt of barging into any calls they had with their son, my husband. I mean, speakerphone probably didn't exist then, but all this enforced sharing is a bit 'yuck'. We are all entitled to our private, separate relationships, even when we're married.
So yes, OP, YAB very U.

I rarely share calls with anyone. To the point that I didn't realise it was a thing. Call her if you want to talk to her

The idea of him being involved in every call with your family is just weird to me. Is there a reason that you can't speak to your family without involving him? Does he actively ask to be involved, or is it something that he has been dragged into over the years? He's entitled to privacy, and so are his family.

Christ do you want him to spit his half chewed gum into your mouth as well so you can make sure you're sharing the experience?

Maybe crawl out of his arsehole and get a life of your own.

You can't think of a single reason why you're partner would want to peak to his terminally ill sister alone?

I absolutely adore my sons partner, but when I had cancer I wanted to just talk to my son alone sometimes, if she had tried to insert herself into every conversation I would have been really pissed off.

I’ve been happily married for 20 years. Wouldn’t ever occur to me to put a phone call to one of my family members on loud speaker so my DH could join in.

Bizarrely, 5% posters think op is reasonable. No doubt they think as a family everything is shared

Do the same to him, next time your family call speak to them alone.

But re his sister - I would let pass, she may need just a 121 with him.