to expect ex to sell his music gear to pay me back the £3000 he borrowed to buy it before he fucked off with someone else 6m later??!!!

[misscathcart]

No I don't think I am but I need to rant!
I just asked him to do this, explaining that I am going to have trouble paying my rent soon and he said 'but that will leave me with nothing!' and started getting annoyed!! With me!
He doesn't pay anything towards dd as it is as he is on long term sick! OMFG he just takes the piss!
He said we will talk about it tomorrow when he picks dd up - cue a big row that will no doubt end badly. I have tried to avoid all confrontations since we split despite the fact that he has been a complete at times - but this I am not backing down on
moral support needed - don't let me wimp out at 11am tomorrow!

He had been paying me back £100 a month when I 1st lent the money, I have proof of this. But he stopped working in August and we split in November. The original amount was £3500.

ooh snap again won't give me divorce (so still responsible for his mess)

I take it you are seperated Macdoodle?
What are you going to do? Have you had any advice yourself?

x post.

he sounds more and more like my ex

you've come through ok lou33??

Maybe we were all married to same man!!
Oh I don't know MissCC it is so hard mine is sooo manipulative (like yours) it seems - makes me feel sad bad and guilty - even though he was the arse, neglected me, in the pub all the time, HAD AN AFFAIR, GOT OW pregnant, and then neglected his business (joint business loan) so much it is failing - GOD when I right it down it seems unbelievable that we are not divorced - seperated nearly 18 months every time I try and talk about divorce he gets angry and am desperately trying to keep it civil for DD's - I too am not a sap in every other aspect of my life but him I just cannot deal with - am psyching myself up to see solicitor and file papers without telling him if he won't discuss it

I worked extra hours last month and last week spent the money on the cheapest pc I could find and a cheap sofa from ikea (I haven't had a sofa since I left in December) - yet I feel like I should feeling guilty?! I never treat myself or splash out but these things I considered fairly neccessary for my home and pc for work (and mn lol)
I ned to keep reminding myself.

so sorry macdoodle - its sounds like things are really bad for you. I really know what you mean about when you write it down - it all just sounds crazy! And also about being strong in every other area of your life. Me too. I'm indepent and confident but he can be so nasty and irrational sometimes (yet so caring and 'weak' at others ) that i just feel he walks all over me...

lol hardly

his crap is still in my garage, when i said i would sell it in lieu of 2.5 yrs child support i was slapped with a solicitors letter saying i wasnt to do it

he banged on about how important it all was to him, i have given him over 16 dates to come get it but he hasnt, and has currently buggered off to thailand again

oh, and he took money out on my credit card when we split, and transferred debts from his cc accounts to mine

bastards!
have you sought legal advice yourself lou?

oh yes

i thought the whole of mn knew about my ongoing saga with exh lol

sorry lou, I didn't know. I have only come back this week after breaking from mn since I broke from H in Novemeber/December ( )

before that I was probably sticking to all the pfb type threads...

jeez - now thats a fact I find hard to come to terms with - I ditched mn in my hour of need, and for 5 months!!!! wtf!

MissC, tis easily done, fear not. But here we are again when you need us

I think nothing works better with this passive-agressive bullshit than simply not being drawn in. If you won't play the game, there is no game, if you get me.

You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. It's just a mind game he is playing because it's worked in the past.

lol @ 5 months away

i am not sure if you really need to get dragged into the story of my exh, but my latest thread is here

if you can face it lol

thanks tribpot.

Lou - sorry I did catch that the other day and remember being pretty gobsmacked at your op but not having time to read on etc.
My problems seem very small in comparison!
Once again I say thank god for mn and wonder quietly about my changing perceptions of men...

no they arent dont be silly

he is exactly the same about his music gear

a couple of weeks ago i got a pair of knackered old headphones out of his and let the kids use them on the pc, so i didnt have to listen to their noise, and dd1 accidentally stood on them

now they were held together by electrical tape, they were almost 20 yrs old, but he still went bonkers saying i had no respect for his stuff, blah blah blah, how important they were to him etc

i reminded him that they cant be that important as they had been sitting here for over 2 years and he hasnt come to get them, and that there were possibly more important things to worry about than a pair of ancient headphones

from what i have read, your ex does sound rather good at making it all about he feels though, and trying to make you feel guilt

mine used to do this but i wont have it anymore

now i just tell him that all i did was end the marriage, and everything afterwards is down to his choices

i will not take the blame to absolve him of his prickness

Does he not use any of it lou? Why?

Mine has several guitars that he uses a lot but only for playing at home at the moment, and even at other times its only been small local gig type stuff. Hardly comparable to a roof over dd's head!

What I think is a joke, now I read it back, is him saying his music is his only escape. What does he think I, or many other parents have (depressed or not) ?!
Perhaps he thinks its my 'escape' when I go to work, or those long, lonely nights I get to 'relax' on my own with my thoughts , whilst poor him has to snuggle up with his girlfriend?

yeh poor him

he hasnt used it since nov 05, he is supposed to be an engineer/producer, but i havent seen much sign of it for a long time

good for you lou, for ending the marriage too, as hard as it may have been.
We were only married just over four 4yrs when he 'fell' for someone he had known for a few weeks ie he was bored with post baby me I guess. So he did instigate the break-up.
His loss I do think now. not any easier tho.

i was with mine for 17.5 years, married 10.5

i ended it but it took a long time to make him believe me, and in the end i let him think i was having an internet affair as it was my chance to make him go

2.5 yrs later he still hasnt moved on, sigh

If you aren't married and make a gift to a partner usually it's theirs. If you are married then all your assets and debts on both sides are added together including cars, bikes, drums, oil paintings, house etc and the starting point is divide by two so yes it makes a difference if you were married or not (although there was a case last week where a couple who had lived together for ages did have to split a house 50/50 I think). If earn more than someone the best advice I suppose is kick them out of bed at mid night every night to be on the safe side and protect your assets.