...to stay off work longer?

[IsThisLeaveTooLong]

My much-loved Mum died at the end of November after a usually treatable illness turned suddenly nasty. Although in the last three weeks or so we knew she was dying, the end came fast, and I feel she was taken from us too soon.

I took some compassionate leave and used up holidays to take December off work. I'm due back tomorrow and I can't stop crying. I don't feel ready, but at the same time, it's not fixing anything by staying off, and I've got to go back at some point. I also feel guilty about not supporting my team as there's been a lot of upheaval over the last year. My manager, as lovely as he is, I don't think will take kindly to me not coming back as agreed - he'll say the right things, and say it's fine, take as much time as I need, but I think deep down he'll be frustrated and actually I feel it could have an adverse impact on my career in terms of reputation and good standing.

What do I do? Is taking more leave - I guess I'd have to phone in sick - unreasonable?

@IsThisLeaveTooLong How are you doing? Did you go back?

Non worked hours on a phased return are normally paid, if youvr been off since November as a senior manager I would have arranged a phased return for you.

I did start back on Monday, plunged back into full-time. It's been a hard week, as I haven't been sleeping well so I'm foggy and sluggish, hopefully I'll be more on the ball next week. It's transpired that not many people know, or if they did, they didn't acknowledge it - I don't know why they think I suddenly disappeared, maybe have assumed illness or guessed at a bereavement - and actually that made it easier, I didn't have to deal with condolences relentlessly.

So, it was okay. Normality is a comfort of sorts. But I really, really miss my dad and went to text him about three times during the week before I remembered that he's not here anymore.

Well done for managing a full week. Your dad would be proud. He would not have wanted you to put your life on hold for him. Sad though it is when someone passes, it is the nature of life. It will get easier, and when the memories bring smiles and not tears, you will know yoy have achieved balance.

This☝️

Absolutely perfectly written!

I'm sorry for your loss.

Go back to work. The distraction might be therapeutic.

Either way, contact CRUISE, or ask your GP to refer/ suggest a local grief therapy group. Some are self referral. It can take around 2 years for grief to subside but you should be able to function at the same time and grief therapy will help with that.

Once back at work, if you're still not coping enough to carry on working then arrange more time off, but you should make an effort first.

Again, sorry for your loss.

Go back to work. Just because it will give you some normality. It's better for your MH than staying off.

I had a lady off for over a year after her mum died, she was much improved coming back to work. She hated me at the time, but thanked me later.

Hi everyone - for the people telling me today to go back to work, I've been back for a week, as per my previous posts. Thank you for posting though.

I hope you're doing ok x

So you lost your dad too? I'm sorry

@IsThisLeaveTooLong I’m glad it’s going okay for you, it’s really hard going back after bereavement. Just take it easy and look after yourself.

I’ve found that grief comes in waves and some weeks are just really difficult for no apparent reason.