to ask friend not to send pregnancy photos

[puddleofpuppies]

DH and I have been ttc for several years and we are now at a point where we have been told that unless we use donor gametes we will not be able to have children. I am completely devastated and have been struggling a lot to the point where I am on anti-depressants and find every day difficult. It is particularly difficult at the moment as I've just turned 40 and I have 2 SIL and three of my closest friends who are all pregnant. I desperately want to find joy in their happiness but I am finding it incredibly difficult – it feels like a punch in the gut every time I get a pregnancy photo or update.

Two pregnant friends who I haven't spoken to about what I'm going through (but I think they have guessed) are being sensitive – they both let me know by text and haven't been sending updates or mentioning it unless I ask how it is going. My other friend, who I am closest to and who I have spoken to about what I am going through in quite a lot of detail previously, is the opposite. She told me in person and is sending me all the scan pictures and baby bump photos. I know that she is excited and I want to share in that excitement so, so much, but I'm not coping and am finding myself pulling away from the friendship. This makes me sad as it feels like yet another thing that infertility has stolen – the ability to feel joy for my friends and be excited and happy for them. I bought her some really lovely baby gifts when she announced her pregnancy and I haven't said anything about how I am feeling about everything but it's just so difficult.

Would I be unreasonable to send a gently worded message just explaining how I'm feeling and asking her to hold off on sending photos? I haven't done anything about it yet as I don't want to make her feel bad for being excited about something she has every right to be over the moon about, and I don't want to take the joy out of the experience for her. I know she doesn't have a lot of close friends and I desperately don't want to upset her or make her feel uncomfortable about her pregnancy, but I just don't know what to do.

Send her a message explaining she needs to be more sensitive and reduce the pregnancy talk.

I was at this point myself with my best friend. I wouldn't be able to share her excitement or pregnancy updates after a long (years) battle with infertility and miscarriages so I walked away. I felt like my mental health would be in decline if I kept in touch, I would only be thinking about it.

I distanced myself from the friendship, thanks God I had my miracle baby a year after her baby was born and now we restarted the friendship. She totally understood my situation and forgave me, we restarted the friendship after my baby was born.

I knew I would risk to lose the friendship forever when I distanced, but I just couldn't keep it. I chose my mental health back then. It was so hard just to survive day by day knowing of my struggles, and then knowing about her pregnancy updates would have sent me insane.

Be gentle with yourself and do what's best for you. This journey is very hard as it is.

OP seems an articulate woman- She can easily tell her friends about how she feels.

Many yrs ago there was a mainstream TV programme about infertility, that featured a lovely female vet ( veterinarian).
A few days later I had to take dog we had at time for jabs and the lovely vet was Locum.
Obviously I didn’t say anything to her.
Her heartbreak in the programme was palpable.
As a driven person who had achieved all her goals, being a parent ( til that date ) had eluded her.

Hope she was successful in the end.

I didn't say she wasn't. It can be helpful to have people's opinions on how they would react to a message.

You could just reply in your own words, how you wish you had such joyous news also but recently the doctors have told you that it looks like you are unable to concieve without a donor.

Yanbu. Prior to dd during our long struggle until dd decided to come it would have killed me. I don't think people understand until you been through it. Can you block the photos and tbh I'd be taking a step back from this friend. Look after yourself and your mental health. Xxx