To ask my dad to STFU

[itwillbreak]

Horrible I know. But hear me out.

He is staying with us while a house purchase goes through, it was actually meant to go through before Christmas but didn’t.

Had a bad night with my kids last night and this morning was enjoying some calm, they’re playing nicely. Dad comes down and starts roaring and yelling and getting them all worked up, playing stupid games and getting them worked up screaming and shouting. You know that ‘it’ll end in tears’ refrain; it always always does.

Several polite requests to please tone it down go ignored and eventually I ended up screaming at him something like ‘for gods sake shut up! I was happy before you came in!’

He has now huffed off but seriously - was I honestly being unreasonable there?

I think what he did was annoying but would cry if a family member told me to shut up and that they were happy before I came in.

talk to him about it at a different time? Apologise for harsh words but that it’s unhelpful to wind the kids up

Bit harsh. But understandable after a bad night's sleep. I would have asked him to take over and then gone to the gym/park/bed with ear plugs and had some time.

This sounds exactly like my dad. He likes to play silly with the children, even if they are sat doing something quiet. I would have flipped too.
Perhaps when calm speak to him and say that the children were quiet and mornings don't need that level of noise.

I know it’s horrible but if you ask him nicely he just ignores you. So I don’t know what to do really!

if he wants to behave like a child he can move out, he has choices. You had a bad night, don’t beat yourself up OP.

I can understand why you got annoyed. Honestly.
But I think it's nice that he was playing with them and was excited to see them.

It isn’t nice - it’s loud and chaotic and dangerous, he does unbelievably stupid things (and I’m pretty relaxed) and breaks things. It’s awful!

i dont know whose house it is and whose house sale you are waiting for
but you were wrong to shout

just apologise op

My house, waiting for his house sale to go through.

thank you op
you were at the end of your tether, not surprising.

but you could apologise and explain your lack of sleep

It's not surprising you lost it then, tbh. I think you need to clear the air later and explain that while you appreciate he wants to play with the kids, it was just too much, you're knackered, things end up broken or kids hurt and you couldn't deal with it which is why you snapped.

If he ignores you that’s on him, he sounds an idiot. When you speak to him tell him he’s ignoring you and why is that? Does he want to look after the kids on his own while you go and do something else to get away from the noise? Was he like this with you when you were growing up?

The next time he does this you need to say very clearly and loudly - why are you ignoring me, dad? If he continues, leave the room. Explain later why it’s out of order.

He should be apologising to you really, once you tell him that!

If it were me, I think I’d have said something like, ‘Dad, will you PLEASE stop winding the kids up? It’s driving me mad!’ - in an ‘up to here’ voice, but not actually shouting.

If he ignored that plea, OTOH, then IMO what you said would have been entirely in order.

I know, he won’t listen though. He’s been here a while and this sort of thing keeps happening which is why I lost it I think - it’s so stressful, it’s like having two young kids and then someone releasing seven untrained Labradors into the mix, barking, running around, peeing, knocking things over and breaking things.

Maybe she had to shout to be heard above all the racket.
I mean, he's a grown man, I'm sure he can cope with being shouted at as a one off without crumbling into a heap.

use the opportunity to leave the house/room op,
suggest he takes the dc out if he wants so much noise

Have a word with him on his own and say this. Ask if he understands the impact it has on you, especially when you’ve slept badly - does he even care?

Say you’ve been happy to have him while the sale of his house goes through but that this is really inconsiderate behaviour and it isn’t being kind of him at all to you, his daughter. If he wants to play with the kids, do it less madly, take them to the park or do it when you are out of the house?

He doesn’t get to huff off and leave you with the carnage he caused - he’s an adult FGS.

Oh God, sounds bloody awful. Take the kids away from the situation when it gets like that. I would probably be blowing a bloody whistle or shouting every time if I was you!!

It doesn't sound like he can be trusted to keep them safe though.

When DDs were once driving me mad with noise - sort of play fighting and winding the dog up, who was joining in and barking non stop - I pleaded with them several times to stop, but they just wouldn’t.

So I ran away. I got in the car and drove for a couple of hours to a friend I hadn’t seen for ages. When she opened the door I said, ‘I’ve run away from my kids - can I stay the night?’
I did! Had a great evening with her. Returned the next day - dds were a bit sheepish and subdued, but none the worse.
They were probably around 11 and 14 at the time, and dh was away for work.
I still have zero regrets!

I'd aologise for shouting. If he won't do as you ask then you need to remove kids from the situation

Ask him to take them out for breakfast/swimming/walk to the park. Sounds like they all need to burn off some energy and give you an hour or twos peace and quiet!

You sound a bit fragile