To ask my dad to STFU

[itwillbreak]

Horrible I know. But hear me out.

He is staying with us while a house purchase goes through, it was actually meant to go through before Christmas but didn’t.

Had a bad night with my kids last night and this morning was enjoying some calm, they’re playing nicely. Dad comes down and starts roaring and yelling and getting them all worked up, playing stupid games and getting them worked up screaming and shouting. You know that ‘it’ll end in tears’ refrain; it always always does.

Several polite requests to please tone it down go ignored and eventually I ended up screaming at him something like ‘for gods sake shut up! I was happy before you came in!’

He has now huffed off but seriously - was I honestly being unreasonable there?

Seriously, you think that’s a safe or wise thing to do? He can’t even be unsupervised in the same room as them at home. Was that not clear from my saying he was being dangerous?

Exactly. He can’t. One of the few times I was really furious with DH was when he had him take our DS to soft play alone, and it ended badly as it always does. Sorry for being so grouchy, I’m exhausted and pissed off.

I would not be apologising for shouting. If anyone should be apologising it's the Dad to OP for driving her to that point after ignoring and overriding her polite requests.

He needs a proper telling off then, OP. He’s staying in your home by your good grace and overstaying as you said it was meant to over before xmas. He can huff all he likes, he deserves for you to be angry with him especially if your kids are getting hurt bc essentially he’s being a twat. How long til he’s gone? Maybe it’s time to read him the riot act if he wants to continue staying with you.

What exactly was he doing that was unsafe?How old are your children?

God I can't believe all the annoying dads out there. My dad was an angel but died in 1992 which sucks. However my Husbands dad was as annoying as yours sounds

3 and 14 months.

Putting them in the high chair then lifting the high chair up; the tray snapped off it so the high chair went crashing to the ground. It was bloody lucky the sofa caught most of it. Running round a tiny cramped downstairs so they smash into walls / doors, stamping on their toys (not on purpose, just being stupid) encouraging stupid play with the cat so the cat gets annoyed and lashes out.

not ideal, OP, but i think that if you have asked nicely before and it still carries on, the shock of a huge roar can sometimes help.

In your shoes i'd be talking to the whole family (DCs included) about playing recklessly inside and being noisy. Especially in the mornings and (re) establish house rules for the duration of your dad's stay.

Can't you just tell him to leave? Could he afford a hotel or a short term rental until his house purchase is completed? You sound completely exhausted.

Make sure when he moves into his new house you visit with the kids st 7:30am on a regular basis for a lovely noisy rampage, even better if he's just decorated 😉.

OMG he lifted a 14 month old in a high chair by the tray which broke and your child and the high chair came crashing down!! What the fuck is wrong with him? Was he absolutely mortified? What did he say?

You need to ask him to leave immediately.

Tell him you need space from him for a time and he should go out shortly with an overnight bag, and get a Premier Inn room for a couple of nights to give you a break and for your kids to calm down.

Tell him you've asked him repeatedly to stop winding up the kids but he ignores you so off he fucks for a while.

When he has his new property I'd be taking kids there, not him to you.

I think you gave the response he needed for it to stop. IME people (esp men) often ignore you until you're this angry. Then the shock of you snapping will stop them. Don't undermine it by explicitly apologising.

My dad is a deceptively charming steam roller. My mum and I have spent years being considered "aggressive" or "rude" by him because he will relentlessly keep on at you to basically bend you to his will / want. He'll stay even / conversational in his own tone but only understands and heeds responses like "no" or "stop" if they're yelled angrily at full volume. We probably do start such "shut up" negotiations with him from a ruder, blunter place now tbh - it gets it over with much faster.

Had some very nasty fights with him over homework as a teenager. Mostly because I'd thank him for checking that one nasty sentence in my language homework and say I now had to do something else asap to have a chance at some down time before bed at a reasonable hour as I had school in the morning. He'd somehow hear me begging him to stay and begin to explain the Spanish subjunctive (it was always the bastard Spanish subjunctive which I had not been taught yet and which hadn't featured in my homework) in detail at 8pm. "I'VE SAID NO! LIKE 5 TIMES NOW! GET! OUT!" reached places that "thank you but no more right now please, I need to do my maths homework" never could. My mum sided with me. He just thought we were both surly and dreadful.

Ugh, he's not the Cat in the Hat, he's a menace. Get him gone.