For being pissed at my MIL?

[Thelittlewestie]

My mother in law had agreed to watch my youngest child next week for a couple of hours so that I can attend the funeral of my friends sister. She has now said she can't do it as she had a nail appointment!
I'm so upset, its not like I have asked her to take them so that I can have a night out. To be honest its the final straw in a long list of let downs.
Am I wrong to feel she is being selfish for this? Surley she could change her nail appointment? I asked her and she said she can't.
I really want to be there to support my friend but have no other babysitters.
She offers babysitting often then let's us down at the the last minute often when she gets a better offer and pretends that she forgot about it. She always offers in front of other people and I feel it's just so everyone thinks she is gran of the year when she shows little interest and always cancels it.
We don't even ask her to take them now unless for something really essential as we are sick of us and kids being let down.
I don't understand why she keeps offering then cancelling.
My own mum has passed and it hurts my heart that she can't spend time with her grandkids and the gran who is here and lives up the road and is retired can't even pop in but tells the world how much she loves and does for them which just isn't true. I'm sick of the fakeness!
I guess I'm ranting here so I don't do it in person to her, she is still my Husbands mother after all.
Had anyone been in similar situation? How do I approach this?

Thank you of you've read this far ❤️

Next time she offers say very sweetly "Thank you but I won't take you up on that in case you need your nails done again MIL".
Yes the fallout will be immense but ff it, she's really let you down on something important to you.

Or just call her and call her out on it. She's let you down, you won't take up any further offers or ask again as you can't rely on her.

Honestly forget her - you don't need the disappointment. Same situation, partner was 35 weeks pregnant when her mum died and my dad past when I was young. Where as her dad became a father to me and spends so much time with his grandkids, my mum is useless. It's frankly embarrassing how little my she cares. I tried telling my partner when we first got together but she couldn't comprehend what I was saying. She was supposed to see her grandkids on Saturday and as usual started trying to find ways of pulling out and as usual cancelled. We stopped telling the girls if she is coming because it's too disappointing for them. She's seen my 2 year old about 4 times her whole life. I grew up without a real mum so for me I'm used to it but it really upsets my wife who can't help but take her lack of interest in our family personally. Especially when she's always around at my sister and her kids same age as mine. We don't need people like that in our life so we rely on babysitters who have a far better relationship with our girls than their own grandmother!

My mother was the exact same...I had 3 very young, close together in age and worked full time...she would say, can I get back to you😡. Nooooo..I need to know now...also used to let me down more often than not. I had a nanny eventually...more reliable ....ask in the Facebook group for your area maybe if there are any registered babysitters...just a thought....my mil was also the same, nightmare...totally understand how you feel. I do hope that you are able to work something out. Maybe ask a friend. X

I wouldn’t confront her about it I’d just refuse the next offer.

I hope you managed to get a sitter sorted.

I would get your DH to soeak with her and definitely wouldn't rely on her again. I do think you should call her out on it next time she publicly offers too. It's appalling behaviour.

I realise the funeral is a time sensitive thing but hopefully you'll be able to build a good relationship with other people/sitters for future things.

Remember it is about her not you or DC. Best to accept that she is that type of person and not put energy into her anymore.

Make sure everyone knows her nails were more important than you supporting at the funeral. And call her out every time she tries to grandstand. Awful woman. You will likely never change her but you can at least make it harder for her to maintain a dishonest persona

So the next time she offers front of others, just smile sweetly and say no thanks, the last xx times you've offered you've pulled out at the last minute and let us down, badly, especially when it was xx funeral.

What a wicked witch

Stop asking her to babysit and stop accepting any of her offers. You are giving her a lot of power over your life. You will feel a lot better when you make a clean break like this and she will get bored. I don't advise making barbed comments in front of others it escalates things and gives her the attention she craves. Just decline politely every time and she will get bored of asking when she's not getting any gratification any more.

My mother-in-law proclaims on Facebook how much her grandchildren mean to her, but never bothered to even visit, and she lives down the road, where as my parents, who lived in another country, i could ask them in advance and they would show and enjoyed the time. Now my children are grown, and MIL posts about not leaving parents when they are old, as they didn't leave you when you were young, are embarrassing. My children don't know her or wish to, as she wasn't around when they were growing up, so this will likely be the case for your children as well; they won't value her as a family member when they are adults, making you as parents proud, she wont have a relationship to share the joys they will bring, it is totally her own doing.
I am very sorry to hear of your situation.
You mention a sister-in-law; would she be able to help?

You’re not being unreasonable, but you are being a fool.

If she’s known for this and you keep thinking she’s going to change. It’s time to see her what she is and stop relying on her.

You can still go to support your friend but you’ll need to get a babysitter.

I'm so sorry that this is your MIL. I have one the same. I had my DS in a nursery that was 7am to 6pm hours 2 days a week as this is when I worked. I wanted to swap him when he was 3 to the pre-school linked to his school but due to a long-term booking of the premises they closed at 1pm on a Monday. She offered to have him for a couple of hours every Monday afternoon (it closed at 3pm other days which I could do) she did it once and for the following 3 weeks she had in no particular order - a lunch with friends (all retired), a dog walk with a friend, a day out shopping. Needless to say, I had to make alternative arrangements and it's never been discussed properly as when I asked her why she had offered if she wasn't going to be available she just laughed and said 'oh well, you seem to be managing'. I've never relied on her since and that was 11 years ago. She's absolutely no use whatsoever so I do sympathise.

My mother also does this strangely. Happy to turn up for non important events, but pulls the rug at the last minute at times when she is really needed. I think it’s some form of bizarre passive aggressive behavior.