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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arguments over moving house

57 replies

Green3 · 04/01/2025 16:20

AIBU? Long story short , a house came up for sale in the village over from ours. It needs work but it’s the perfect house, ticks every box. Bedroom each for the children, big garden, walking distance to school, walking distance to the husbands local pub, to the rugby club to his parents etc . It’s where my husband grew up. I love the house and I don’t mind a renovation project. It’s still up the road from my family too. Love the area. Financially we would be better off too. The husband has gone along with it all, wasn’t keen on the work to be done but said a year from now when it’s done he will be happy just dreads the thought of all the work. Now that we are like 3-4 weeks away from the actually move and it’s real(we get a completion/exchange date next week) he’s upset we are moving. Loves the house we are in and says I’ve dragged him to move and can’t be happy for it. I will admit I have pushed it as it’s literally an amazing home and I can see the potential it has without having to extend. The house we’re in now is a 3 bed semi , and the house we’re are moving to is a 4 bed detached . Same price. It’s causing huge arguments now and I’m unsure what to do? My mentality is hard work pays off, anything you want in life worth having will be a little hard. Love him to death but he’s the opposite 😂 he is happy to plod along in life and isn’t one for change . AIBU?

OP posts:
Daftasabroom · 04/01/2025 18:15

@Green3 how about you do ALL the Reno work? It seems like you've "volunteered" DH for a life of purgatory, he's said no from the start but you've pushed ahead anyway. I'd be furious.

Tricho · 04/01/2025 18:21

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 04/01/2025 18:04

Taking a second thought. Does anyone else think if roles were reversed and the husband wanted to move and the wife is hesitant the advice would be the same?

I think it would be more like - don’t let him talk you into something you don’t want to do, this is emotional bullying, why are your feelings the only ones that matter etc.

Edited

"OP this is coercive control. LTB. Now. Otherwise where will him telling you what you're doing regardless of how you feel about it end?"

SpryCat · 04/01/2025 18:53

Green3 · 04/01/2025 16:54

he didn’t want to move, but we agreed if we found a house that ticked most boxes we would. A year after that we found the house. The only thing putting him off is the renovation side of it. We have the money to renovate so no he won’t be doing the work himself. This house would be our second move and forever home. We have 3 boys in a 3 bed semi so the new house would be ideal. So many reasons to move and the hubby agrees he would love it once it’s done. He is just upset now it’s real and we will be leaving the comforts of our now home to start work on a new one .

Now it’s near the time to move he’s feeling sentimental, it can be sad moving from a home. I would make sure he definitely feels he will love the new home once it’s done and get the packing boxes ready x

SpryCat · 04/01/2025 18:54

Daftasabroom · 04/01/2025 18:15

@Green3 how about you do ALL the Reno work? It seems like you've "volunteered" DH for a life of purgatory, he's said no from the start but you've pushed ahead anyway. I'd be furious.

Op already posted they have the money for the renovation so H won’t be doing it.

brummumma · 04/01/2025 18:58

It isn't about having the money to pay tradesmen to come in and do it for you - it's probably more stressful researching sourcing going through with builders what you want, making sure they turn up in the first place to quote then chasing you actually get a quote out of them and then making sure they turn up on the day and the work is done to your standard which is more stressful than renovating yourself

So whilst I would say yes the house sounds perfect for you needs OP you are a bit selfish and entitled to expect your husband to sort out all of the above

brummumma · 04/01/2025 18:59

Maybe you should offer to organise all the work yourself OP and project manage it since you think it's so easy

Original poster
Green3 · 04/01/2025 19:00

brummumma · 04/01/2025 18:58

It isn't about having the money to pay tradesmen to come in and do it for you - it's probably more stressful researching sourcing going through with builders what you want, making sure they turn up in the first place to quote then chasing you actually get a quote out of them and then making sure they turn up on the day and the work is done to your standard which is more stressful than renovating yourself

So whilst I would say yes the house sounds perfect for you needs OP you are a bit selfish and entitled to expect your husband to sort out all of the above

Thanks for jumping to that assumption, and name calling. But it is me who is sorting all the tradesmen and project managing it. As it’s me who is more in that industry and has the contacts 😉

OP posts:
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