Workplace collection - was this email meant for me?

[revels999]

I've been at my current job for 4 years now and normally contribute towards birthdays, leaving gifts etc. I've decided not to this year though. I bought my first house just over a month ago and have spent the majority of my savings on fees, the deposit and renovations. Then there was Christmas. I'm trying to save back up. We normally contribute £5 each, which I know in the grand scheme things of things isn't a huge amount but there's 16 people on the team so it does add up. I won't expect anything when it's my birthday obviously (I wouldn't anyway but especially if I'm not contributing to others throughout the year)

Anyway, it's my colleagues birthday next week and an email was sent out to everyone asking them to contribute if they wanted to. I decided not to and thought nothing of it, I certainly didn't think to tell the organiser as it said on the email that it was optional. But she then sent a reminder. At first I thought it was so no one missed the email but this was after the team (excluding myself) had already confirmed in the group chat that they had sent the money.

I sent her a message explaining that I wouldn't be contributing this year and why but it's sort of annoyed me that I felt I had to explain myself. I don't particularly want to discuss my financial situation with colleagues but perhaps I've taken it the wrong way.

AIBU? Would you have just ignored the 2nd email or explained yourself too?

Was the reminder just to you or to the whole group? I would have ignored it

I'd guess she's noticed you used to contribute and thought you might have missed it? I understand you're cutting back but if everyone else is contributing consistently it does need to be clear you are not, otherwise it looks like you're piggybacking a bit.

You say you don’t expect anything, how were you hoping they’d know this?

You have to communicate as people aren’t mind readers, especially if you usually give and receive.

I think she was absolutely in her rights to remind you and for you to actually explain that you want to be out of the giving and receiving this year. So YABU.

It doesnt add up to much. You are mean

Did you get any kind of moving in gift? Although it's entirely your choice whether you contribute, if you had received a house warming gift and then decided not to contribute to other people's occasions, I can see it would sting a bit.

I'd also maybe say that you've had a lot of moving expenses, not that you want to replenish your savings...

I think it’s good you’ve opted out (I have too). Now she knows she won’t ask in future hopefully.

Do people really get colleagues moving gifts?

I know you are trying to save but good work place relations are also important especially in a small team. It’s £80 a year (average of £7 a month) - for me that would be worth it to keep relationships warm and friendly and not being seen as a grinch. Did you tell them you didn’t want anything?

Do people really get colleagues moving gifts?

Yes. I mean it's not compulsory, but it's a nice thing to do, especially when someone buys their first house. It depends on workplace culture.

£80 is a lot of money for many. I would prefer to opt out.

16 in the team @ £5 a go? It all adds up. Anyway, why should she cough up if she doesn't want to.

Crikey, the list is getting bigger. Birthdays, marriages, babies, retirements, housewarming gifts. It’s too much and stops being nice when it becomes an expectation.

They wouldn't know you weren't contributing though - unless you said. So you do need to tell them.

I do the birthdays on my team (only 8 of us) so if you said I would just take you off the list.

Of course it adds up. Not everyone is well off.

I think I would have replied all to explain the situation - that you're opting out this year as you just can't afford it and realise that this means that you won't be expecting anything yourself. That will mean no one has to second guess the situation. You might find others follow your lead.

Do they get you a gift or cake and drinks celebration? If yes then you are mean. It depends if its a nice team activity or a bit of a drag. I think I'd have contributed to this collection and then asked if they could stop this tradition. Maybe you could all contribute to the cake kitty. That would probably halve your cost over the year.

At £5 that's £80 for the whole year and presumably you get a nice birthday celebration out of it too so overall its like saving for your own birthday bash.

A bit of generosity of spirit goes a long way. It's hard to plead poverty just because you bought a house. We've all been there but doesn't mean you become a scrooge.

In what world does choosing how to prioritize your finite amount of cash equate to being mean?

The OP has clearly said was optional

No, it certainly is not normal to get your colleagues a gift for moving house. Of course it is for birthdays

Its interesting that you don't think you can have warm and friendly relations without money being involved. Is that because you would treat someone less well if they choose not to join in collections?

I would’ve ignored it, but the problem is they don’t know not to get you a birthday present so I guess you need to “opt out” officially somehow

Does the money go towards a gift, or do they just stick cash in an envelope? An £80 gift from work colleagues seems a lot. What kind of thing do you get?

OTOH, if you all give 80 a year and get 80 back for your birthday it seems a bit pointless 🤷‍♀️

I think if you’ve contributed and received gifts in the past, you need to let them know you’re not taking part this year. Otherwise they’ll incorrectly assume you want to take part. They might think you still expect to get something but aren’t contributing to other collections, hence the reminder.

In a previous workplace, I had to 'opt out'. I contributed to birthday collections, but there seemed to collections for something every other week, so I did birthdays only.
Manager asked for my birthday, I said it was on file with HR but to let me know if it needed updated. They explained it was to arrange a birthday present when the time came, so I had to specifically say I didn't want to share my birthday as didn't want a gift or fuss made on the day.

No she isn't! There are 16 birthdays in that office, that adds up. People rareiy carry cash now so she’d likely have to go to a cashpoint and take ten pounds out. People should stop with the birthday collections at work, we're not children.

I’d have ignored the email.