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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Workplace collection - was this email meant for me?

37 replies

revels999 · 03/01/2025 14:04

I've been at my current job for 4 years now and normally contribute towards birthdays, leaving gifts etc. I've decided not to this year though. I bought my first house just over a month ago and have spent the majority of my savings on fees, the deposit and renovations. Then there was Christmas. I'm trying to save back up. We normally contribute £5 each, which I know in the grand scheme things of things isn't a huge amount but there's 16 people on the team so it does add up. I won't expect anything when it's my birthday obviously (I wouldn't anyway but especially if I'm not contributing to others throughout the year)

Anyway, it's my colleagues birthday next week and an email was sent out to everyone asking them to contribute if they wanted to. I decided not to and thought nothing of it, I certainly didn't think to tell the organiser as it said on the email that it was optional. But she then sent a reminder. At first I thought it was so no one missed the email but this was after the team (excluding myself) had already confirmed in the group chat that they had sent the money.

I sent her a message explaining that I wouldn't be contributing this year and why but it's sort of annoyed me that I felt I had to explain myself. I don't particularly want to discuss my financial situation with colleagues but perhaps I've taken it the wrong way.

AIBU? Would you have just ignored the 2nd email or explained yourself too?

OP posts:
scotstars · 03/01/2025 15:33

I would have ignored the 2nd message. My child's class rep was collecting for a gift and sent reminder on group chat then followed up with an individual message. I didn't reply or acknowledge I don't feel need to explain my decisions to anyone.
However at your work if its a gift for every birthday and other celebrations then you needed to be clear you were opting out this year especially if you opted in before.
Best system I ever had in a previous workplace was every1 stuck in either £5 or £10 termly (school based) depending on how much was left in fund. This covered flowers for bereavements, voucher for big birthdays or wedding, new babies etc

HellofromJohnCraven · 03/01/2025 16:43

I tend to see these fivers as part of having a job tbh.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 03/01/2025 16:47

I sent her a message explaining that I wouldn't be contributing this year and why but it's sort of annoyed me that I felt I had to explain myself.

Explaining or reminding?

If you've already told everyone you won't be contributing then perhaps she forgot and needed a reminder? There are after all 16 people to collect from.

If you've never told her and she's not psychic, then a simple "I don't wish to contribute to these things anymore" would've done.

You didn't have to explain any further than that.

CandyCane5 · 03/01/2025 18:38

YABU, a reminder is just a reminder - especially in a team of 16. I don't think it was personal or that you should have even explained yourself.

SchoolDilemma17 · 03/01/2025 18:44

DreamW3aver · 03/01/2025 14:59

Its interesting that you don't think you can have warm and friendly relations without money being involved. Is that because you would treat someone less well if they choose not to join in collections?

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Of course not. Ridiculous suggestion. Sometimes it’s good to join in with the workplace culture (as long as it’s something appropriate and fun of course) as it helps being part of a team.

CHEESEY13 · 03/01/2025 18:48

Ownyourchoices · 03/01/2025 14:17

It doesnt add up to much. You are mean

So are you by the sound of it!

DreamW3aver · 03/01/2025 19:15

SchoolDilemma17 · 03/01/2025 18:44

Of course not. Ridiculous suggestion. Sometimes it’s good to join in with the workplace culture (as long as it’s something appropriate and fun of course) as it helps being part of a team.

Show quote history

So who would be seeing a non joiner as a Grinch? Other people but not you? But you obviously think that's a valid view or you wouldn't be suggesting joining in

Although they don't do collections where I work id be quite upset if I was in a situation where someone put money in for a gift for me that they couldnt afford, would anyone think that was OK?

Tiredmum2kids1dog · 03/01/2025 19:15

HellofromJohnCraven · 03/01/2025 16:43

I tend to see these fivers as part of having a job tbh.

Me too
It's part of the expenses of going to work

SchoolDilemma17 · 03/01/2025 19:22

DreamW3aver · 03/01/2025 19:15

So who would be seeing a non joiner as a Grinch? Other people but not you? But you obviously think that's a valid view or you wouldn't be suggesting joining in

Although they don't do collections where I work id be quite upset if I was in a situation where someone put money in for a gift for me that they couldnt afford, would anyone think that was OK?

Show quote history

oh stop with the personal attacks. It’s boring now. Watch some tv

TeenLifeMum · 03/01/2025 19:23

This is why we just do a card and as a manager I bought my team a Lindt reindeer each because although I’m paid more, I have 3dc and it’s intended as a nice token gift. My team appreciate it without feeling they have to get me anything.

CandyCane457 · 03/01/2025 19:45

It’s frustrating being chased up for something like this as it can make you feel bad, but it’s good you’ve had an opportunity now to say you’re opting out, so hopefully it won’t happen again.

I don’t think you’re being mean or tight at all, it does all add up and we don’t all have that kind of cash going spare. In my workplace there’s about 50 of us and we have an organised collection for “special birthdays.” The idea is to put £3 in every time it’s someone’s big birthday, which obviously doesn’t happen too often. Since this started about two years ago, I think there’s been two 30ths, a 40th and a 50th. So we’re not talking mega money. But I opted out from the start purely because I never have cash, I’ve not used my bank card for ages, just use Apple Pay on my phone, can’t be arsed fiddling about with £3 even if it isn’t often. The organiser gave me a funny look when I said I wasn’t getting in, and I could tell she thought I was tight, but oh well!

PeppyGreenFinch · 03/01/2025 20:24

CandyCane457 · 03/01/2025 19:45

It’s frustrating being chased up for something like this as it can make you feel bad, but it’s good you’ve had an opportunity now to say you’re opting out, so hopefully it won’t happen again.

I don’t think you’re being mean or tight at all, it does all add up and we don’t all have that kind of cash going spare. In my workplace there’s about 50 of us and we have an organised collection for “special birthdays.” The idea is to put £3 in every time it’s someone’s big birthday, which obviously doesn’t happen too often. Since this started about two years ago, I think there’s been two 30ths, a 40th and a 50th. So we’re not talking mega money. But I opted out from the start purely because I never have cash, I’ve not used my bank card for ages, just use Apple Pay on my phone, can’t be arsed fiddling about with £3 even if it isn’t often. The organiser gave me a funny look when I said I wasn’t getting in, and I could tell she thought I was tight, but oh well!

Imagine joining the company when you’re 30, contributing for 9 years and then leaving just before you’re 40 and not getting a present! 😂

I would have opted out too!

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