What age is appropriate?

[Conflagration85]

What age would you say is appropriate for kids to have games such as call of duty etc?

I'm childless but OH has an 8 year old son and I'm trying to work out if I'm just out dated in my opinions.

I let my DS when he finished his GCSEs.
I teach year three - he isn’t the only 8 year old playing COD. Unfortunately.
All the ones I know of I report for safeguarding purposes but nothing happens- it doesn’t reach any thresholds.

8? Bloody hell. I think 8's too young for Fortnite, never mind COD.

We were cautious about shooters. I don't think we allowed Fortnite until 12 or 13.
Our ratings here go 6, 12, 16, 18. Before 12 they were only really playing Minecraft. 16s (films and games) were allowed at our discretion at 14/15. Specific 18s at 16/17. I don't think my two (19 and 17 now) play COD. GTA will never happen under my roof.

I have no intention of having children at all to be honest!

Honestly I don't play things like CoD so beyond the shooting, I'm clueless!

This would be a massive red flag for me. He is putting his amusement above his son’s wellbeing. Does he put the same effort into making sure that his son is enjoying an age-appropriate childhood? Does he spend as much time doing age appropriate activities with his son as he does encouraging his son to engage in adult-only activities?

At no point did I ask you understand? This is my first post but having lurked for a while I guess you are one of those overly opinionated individuals who are full of judgement based on very limited information.
I do hope your ivory tower is warm and toasty :)

My middle son was 13/14 if I remember correctly when I let him play COD. But he demonstrated a maturity level that I felt meant he was mature enough to play it. His younger brother is now 13 and I absolutely would NOT let him play it. At least another couple of years based on his maturity levels (which is absolutely fine - he's a kid being a kid). Not that he's asked to play it.

So whilst I wouldn't say there is a set age, I would say it's down to the individual child and I certainly wouldn't consider any child under the age of 13 mature enough!

Honestly I think he was raised very much the same so he is repeating what he knows. I have intervened an awful lot since we have been together and the improvements are marked...but on the flip side I don't have children of my own and I am not the kiddo's parent so I run the risk of being 'that person' full of criticism with no first hand experience.

Sorry, yes he does with encouragement from me. Before I came along the kid lived on consoles but now it's a lot more balanced.

I think you should ask your DP why he thinks it’s ok for his ds to play an 18 game, I could see why maybe a 12, but 18? Ask him to explain. Would he let his ds watch an 18 film? Does he understand it’s not a difficulty rating but age appropriate?

re the phone contract- that’s quite normal for children of separated parents. So they can contact their mum in the time they are with their dad. For parents who aren’t separated, kids normally get phones when they start commuting to secondary schools as this is the first time they are apart from their parents for quite a lot of time.

I actually think that this is a safe guarding issue. As a teacher said upthread, if she was aware she'd report it.

There is no way that primary school children should be playing these sort of games.

His son is definitely too young for COD. It's sad that your boyfriend thinks that having a gaming buddy is more important than his son's welfare.

Is your boyfriend young or immature generally?

And actually you sound really great and that you clearly care about this child and are trying to do the right thing.

Have confidence that your position is right about this one and try again to get him to stop

Sorry that should've said DH not boyfriend! Forgot the lingo.

Helpful re: phones thank you! Although I think it's more that he demanded so he got rather than a sensible well thought out move from his mother but that's a whole other story sadly.

I will ask the question about gaming.

It's pretty normal from 12ish but I'd say 8 was stretching it. I'm amazed by the teacher who said they report it; it wouldn't cross anyone's mind here.

Not a chance would I let 8 year old play this or have someone playing it in front of children it is pretty graphic and imo on par with an 18 movie.

Really?
It was literally in our last safeguarding update in September. We have a specific box to tick on our record form for ‘accessing inappropriate online/gaming content’

Lol I am in no way down with the lingo myself, I have to Google half of it.

It's kind of you to be finding out more about what is best for the child - hope that doesn't sound patronising.

Unfortunately it's a bit like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted now really because he has the game...
I'll work on the other half but unfortunately he is a damn idiot.
The only way it came on to my radar is because kiddo burst into the bedroom this morning to say a man on there told him he would report him because he should be at school and not on CoD. I groggily caught up with the conversation and had the instant 'how the hell is he interacting with strangers' and also that the random man was entirely correct.
OH has now put restrictions on the interactions on there but seems oblivious to the big picture.
OH and I were raised V V differently and I think there was a distinct lack of parenting, so he is clueless

Not at all, thank you :)

If it came to my attention that one of my 8 year old pupils was playing COD I would definitely be having a conversation about it with the parents. Ideally, I'd ask them to come into school so we could do this face to face. I would explain that research has shown that exposure to violent video games can be psychologically harmful to children, can stunt the development of empathy and social skills, and is linked to an increase in peer to peer aggression and bullying behaviour. I would encourage them to think about age appropriate games that they could enjoy playing together instead. Depending on whether I felt they were taking it seriously or not, I may have to be very blunt and tell them that allowing children to access inappropriate/harmful content (including violent games) is considered a form of neglect. But generally it's more effective to have a supportive conversation, especially in the first instance. Either way, I would document the conversation and keep it on file.

I would then be monitoring this child very closely for other signs of possible neglect and keeping a record of these in case this was part of a bigger picture. Because I'm sorry to say, OP that in my experience parents who allow young children to watch graphically violent games/films or TV shows almost always display similar lack of care or judgment in other aspects of their parenting too.

I think that's part of the issue, 'well other friends of his do, so why can't he', rather than risk being the unpopular parent both of the parents just continue to go along with things

Thank you. I'm trying but....ITS trying. 🤦🏻‍♀️