Social spending

[Bubble20]

My partner and I frequently disagree on this and I'm wondering which of us, or even if either of us, has a valid point. My partner is not happy that he is unable to go out drinking often as we don't often have the money, I on the other hand go out more as I spend less. He will easily spend at least double what I do. I have suggested a monthly budget for each of us but he says that's unfair as I would get to go out more as I spend less. I suggested he cut down his spending so he can go out more, which he's not happy to do either. He thinks I should only go out as often as he does as we can't afford for him to go out (for example) twice a month, yet his two nights would cost the same as at least 4 nights for me. AIBU to feel I should be able to go out more as my total spend is less

He’s being ridiculous. If money is the limiting factor then you both have a budget and you spend it as you wish. Why should you go out less because he chooses to fiend more when he goes out?

Tell him to sod off! You pay your money, you take your choice, literally! Why should you miss out because he is not prepared to manage his budget more efficiently.

My point exactly! He says the amount spent is just an excuse to stop him going out!

He's being unreasonable!

Well he can choose to spend less so he can go out as often as you.

Definitely if you have the same social budget and you choose to just go for quiet dinner and soft drinks with friends but he chooses to go and get smashed. Obviously you can go out more. Id just agree a monthly budget you can afford that is equal each and he can crack on. You can choose to save yours too for your own personal purchases etc.

How old is he, 5y.o.? Anyone older will get already that you can’t have everything you want and life generally has its restrictions.

He is being completely U!
You both get the same amount and it's up to each of you how you spend it. Quantity over Quality...... which does he want?

I think an equal budget is fair, presumably he could spend less on his nights out by drinking less or going somewhere less expensive. An equal budget means that you can also save up for something like a gig or theatre or weekend away with friends if you wanted to.

That said, are you bringing in an equal amount of money and working an equal amount? You said he’s your partner not husband so to what extent are you sharing finances?

On the face of it he's obviously unreasonable but what's the bigger picture? Do you spend more on clothes/make up/ hair for example, or run a more expensive car? Or is spending on other non-essentials pretty much equal too? I've never budgeted in the way you are, we never had a specific social pot just a bigger one that covered all non essentials.

Take the focus away from going out.

You have your income and joint, fixed, necessary expenditure (groceries, rent, gas, electricity, any insurances etc, saving towards agreed birthday/christmas spends etc and some emergency fund).

Whatever is left is split. Each of you have discretionary spend, but that includes everything, takeaway coffee/meet ups foe coffee, clothes, haircuts, hobbies, nights out, skincare etc as you wish. So no him saying "my nights out are dearer" or you saying "my haircuts are dearer", you each decide your own priorities without impacting on the other.

Why does he spend so much more? What does he spend, what do you spend on a typical night out?

If he's so desperate to get absolutely bladdered on a regular basis, tell him he'll just have to pretend he's still in 6th form and pre-drink the cheap stuff at home.

@Bubble20 Lol what does this guy do for a living? Surely he knows something about budgeting. Or is he a stand up comedian?

Set a budget for each person. If he wants to spend big that’s on him. Your partner is a doofus.

Stop him going out? At what point have you tried to stop him going out? He could go out every night of the week if he budgeted his cash properly. What he wants is to stop YOU from going out so he can take your money and spend it on himself.

What are you doing with this dickhead?

This, but better yet, dump him and find yourself an actual adult man to partner with.

This one is not going to change, mark my words.

depends on the reason why you both have a budget ? If you have kids ? Who earns what ?

@Booksandsport sounds fair in theory. But women's haircuts and clothes are more expensive than men's. I can buy a decent quality mans coat way cheaper than the equivalent quality of a woman's coat. But a mans coat is too big on me and the arms are too long. And a simple trim costs way more for a woman than a man.

Has he always lacked maths?

As others have said, you should have an equal amount of discretionary spends which you can budget how you like.

I'd expect this to cover clothes, haircuts, beauty, phone, gym membership, hobbies, treats and presents etc as well as nights out.

You poor thing - it must be like living with a child. A really small one at that.

You need to spend more on your nights out and then this will equal it up and nullify his argument.

@Bubble20 please just leave the alcoholic bastard.

I'd still be laughing at his inability to understand the point.
Bless his little alcohol sozzled brain.

I'd then be getting the ick and working out how to leave him, so I could go out more on the same budget