Would this put you off seeing him again?

[NYX0]

Been on 4 dates so far with a guy.. been going quite well. However, he mentioned that he would like me to come round to his house if I feel comfortable doing so and we could watch films. He said I could come round this weekend. I told him I was going out Saturday for a few drinks and maybe into town with some friends. He said that's fine, come round after. He said he's doing dry January though so obviously I'll have been drinking and he won't have. Would this put you off?

Put you off what? Going round to his after you’ve had a drink or put you off him as a person?

I don’t think it’d put me off entirely, because he may like you and be keen to turn things physical and that’s ok, but it would be an amber flag, and I’d personally not want to go because of the power imbalance of one person being sober and one not, and also because it may cut your night with friends short, and friends shouldn’t be deprioritised for dating, plus if he reacts badly to the latter point you’ll find out if he’s controlling or happy for his potential partner to have a great time with mates.

I would be up for going round to watch films, just not after a night out drinking. So I'd just say another time. But if he really tried to insist I came over after the night out, that might put me off.

You're busy on Saturday, you have other plans. I wouldn't be going round for a booty call after an evening out with friends, especially not after 4 dates. Yes, it would put me off if a man suggested this after 4 dates - surely you just go round another night when you're free and have dinner together and watch films? I don't see the urgency of going on Saturday.

Would I go round to his after 4 previous decent dates? Yes.
Would I go round after I'd been to the pub of an evening? No. That screams booty call

This. I mean, if I’m going out with friends , that’s what I’m doing for the night, not just as some kind of precursor to going over to someone’s house. Even if I were dying to have sex with him, I don’t want to be checking the time when out for the night. I’d have sex with him another night. And yes, it is an audition. The last thing I need is someone incompatible or hapless in bed.

The fact that he wants you to go round to 'watch a film' late at night after drinking means he's trying very obviously to get you into bed.

He's just invited you round for a booty call. He knows you will be drunk. He knows he doesn't even have to leave his sofa or spend a penny and sex will be available on tap.

I'm with @emsyj37 & all the rest. 4 dates in, I want him to still be making an effort & going out on dates, not expecting a zero effort booty call shag after I've been out with friends.

Also not ideal if you're drunk and he isn't.

This.

Sounds like he's hoping you'll go round to his for a shag after your night out and a few drinks to loosen you up 🤷‍♀️

He wants a shag and doesn’t seem to care if you’re sober for it either. Personally, that’s a raging red flag and I would be very unimpressed.

Yup, he’s very clearly just looking for sex here. It would put me off a bit, yes, as after only 4 dates he feels like he’s done enough wining and dining and now just expects you to come to his late at night for a booty call!
I’d make it very clear you’re busy on Saturday but can see him another day (and preferably go out for another date, not just at his - make him work a bit more for it!)

No for all the above. Also I wouldn't be alone at a man's house if I didn't know him well, and met his friends/ family.

Say he can join you on a double date with your friends at their or your house. Another night.

He sounds like he is planning netflix and chill which is code for sex

Yes. Why would you want to go over and 'watch a film' after a night out drinking? He's obviously after a shag.

Whenever you decide to do it, it should be a natural progression after spending quality time together, and when you both want it. This is him arranging a set up as a ploy to get you into bed. Gross and deeply unsexy imo.

What film ?

Yeah. Just do it another time when you are both on the same page drinkwise. You are out with your mates - just be out with them. Then be out (or in) with him soon. It might not be a "booty call" as OP refer to it, but there is an unequal balance if you have not shared a journey, and one of you is drunker than the other. I'd resist. You have plenty of time if he is a nice guy. HTH x

Do you want sex with him on Saturday? Wouldn't necessarily put me off him, he suggested it before you told him you had plans. If he persists when/if you say no then it would.

Exactly. Fine to suggest it. But not ok to be pushy about it.

Put who off? You or him? Personally it would depend on the connection and conversations you have had with the guy. I like ending the day cosy with a date, after a day out. It shows you are both comfortable with each other. If it leads to intimacy and you both want it, then that's fine too. But its hard to say anything, as we don't have the context of your relationship.

I think I must be missing some key information as this all sounds like normal stuff to me. What’s the problem exactly?

This is exactly how I interpreted this. He asked if you wanted to come over before you mentioned you had plans, and he said only if you feel comfortable, you said no you are on a night out, he said come after.

If you said no after this and he still persisted, then yes I would be starting to think this dude is horny and trying it on ( personally I would just straight up ask if he was after a leg over or genuinely wanted to chill and spend time with me without the pressure of sex) if he wasn’t persistent then I’d think nothing of it. I don’t see anything wrong in suggesting it, it’s about how he responded after you said no you won’t be coming round after your night out.

I think at this stage I'd be more impressed if he was offering dinner rather just "watching a film". Obviously that's not going to happen if you've been out with friends.

Exactly. Last guy I dated invited me to his house for dinner. We both knew it would mean sex, but he at least cooked me dinner and when I drank the second glass of wine (I drove over) he did say I could sleep in another bed if not comfortable (I declined that offer of course)! I might have agreed to go to watch a film as I was very keen for things to progress but far better to be invited for dinner.

Presumably you would be going out with your friends until late, so going on to his at a late hour suggests he's looking for you to go to bed with him.

I would get quite a few more dates under your belt before getting intimate with him.