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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No contact from gf over Christmas until post with another guy

58 replies

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 17:16

Hi just had a pretty awful Christmas from my own point of view. my girlfriend was at her parents for or Christmas. we often communicate via emails or posts on social media. first thing Christmas morning I post a Happy Christmas to her I received nothing back. I know she was going to her parents, life's quite difficult with them so I can imagine if she was ridiculously busy looking after them preparing dinner a may not have had much time but the days went on and four or five days later still I'd heard nothing. the next time i saw anything of her online she was out with a guy I didn't know in a photo in his post. I looked through some of his public posts I could see that they spent more time together a couple of days before, not romantically, and through most of Christmas and Christmas Day had been interacting on social media just small comments and likes and hearts. I brought this up with her the other day about how upsetting it was not to receive something from her and the fact that the first thing i saw of her over xmas was her with someone else. She roundly had a go at me saying why do I have a problem with her being with a friend and his kids. I asked directly if something was going on. I'm pretty sure there isn't. I told her how I felt irrelevant and she had a massive go at me about how hard her life is, and it is, but I still feel so diminished that I've been made to feel that I am wrong. She can't seem to understand why I'm upset. At the very least it would be nice if she'd laughed off the suggestion that she was upto something and called me a prat and made light of it. But simply no acknowledgement or understanding of why I may be unhappy. It's like I'm not allowed feelings myself because she is having a hard time.
I can't think of any other couple who wouldn't also be upset about being ignored by their partner on Christmas Day Like This and then subsequently seen them out with another unknown person? I think she's highly offended that I saw all these interactions between her and this other guy and that I'm in the wrong for prying into them. I don't really know how to re establish contact. Should I expect an apology or best not bring it up?

OP posts:
Shardlake63 · 02/01/2025 21:33

She's playing you like a banjo, mate.

PierceMorgansChin · 02/01/2025 21:34

If you are struggling with your health this money from relative could be your safety cushion. Is there a plan you move in with your girlfriend and her helping you out? She is showing you who is she is and how much you mean to her? Is she foreign? Working? OP please be careful talk to someone don't spend your money it's meant for you. Someone cares about you enough to gift you their hard earned money. They are not meant for her.

kittensinthekitchen · 02/01/2025 21:41

Have you met any of her friends and family? How did you meet?

TitsInAbsentia · 02/01/2025 21:41

Sorry but this really doesn't sound good, I think she's playing you and quite too given how you defend her. Please don't hand over any money. If she managed to get out and about over Christmas with this other guy then she had time to contact you and that says it all really. You are out of sight out of mind. Time to move on.

CharSiu · 02/01/2025 21:45

Get away from this woman ASAP, she is using you.

It takes a few seconds to send a msg, she couldn’t be bothered.

GreyAreas · 02/01/2025 21:47

I'm sorry OP. You won't believe us, because you imagine you know your own situation better than we do. But believe me, the women of Mumsnet have a lot of life experience, professional knowledge and wisdom about human behaviour. Just try to be open to the horrible truth - after all, you came here because you have your own doubts that you are not being treated well.
She is not your girlfriend. She has given you all kinds of reasons why all your messaging is on social media - some bits of her story are no doubt true. She wasn't in contact over Christmas because you are 'work' and she was taking a break. She is treating you mean to keep you keen, stop you questioning her and playing the long game of trying to get small and large amounts of money from you. She might have used sex to do this. I actually had someone I know go through this. He didn't believe anyone and ended up losing a lot more money before reality dawned. Don't be that guy! You're probably a great guy with a great deal of worth - you certainly deserve better than her. But you have some factors which might make you 'a good mark', especially being too trusting.

Hadalifeonce · 02/01/2025 21:48

Sorry, OP, you need to move on from this car crash of a relationship.

MissUltraViolet · 02/01/2025 21:59

You can’t communicate properly with her because she’s living with her abusive ex and he will kick off if he finds out but…she can ignore you for days while talking to/going out with and having public pictures shared and communication with another man on social media?

…and you want to give her a bunch of cash?

You have mug written all over you. Speak to your family and friends please because this woman is taking the piss out of you and you can’t see it at all.

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