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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No contact from gf over Christmas until post with another guy

58 replies

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 17:16

Hi just had a pretty awful Christmas from my own point of view. my girlfriend was at her parents for or Christmas. we often communicate via emails or posts on social media. first thing Christmas morning I post a Happy Christmas to her I received nothing back. I know she was going to her parents, life's quite difficult with them so I can imagine if she was ridiculously busy looking after them preparing dinner a may not have had much time but the days went on and four or five days later still I'd heard nothing. the next time i saw anything of her online she was out with a guy I didn't know in a photo in his post. I looked through some of his public posts I could see that they spent more time together a couple of days before, not romantically, and through most of Christmas and Christmas Day had been interacting on social media just small comments and likes and hearts. I brought this up with her the other day about how upsetting it was not to receive something from her and the fact that the first thing i saw of her over xmas was her with someone else. She roundly had a go at me saying why do I have a problem with her being with a friend and his kids. I asked directly if something was going on. I'm pretty sure there isn't. I told her how I felt irrelevant and she had a massive go at me about how hard her life is, and it is, but I still feel so diminished that I've been made to feel that I am wrong. She can't seem to understand why I'm upset. At the very least it would be nice if she'd laughed off the suggestion that she was upto something and called me a prat and made light of it. But simply no acknowledgement or understanding of why I may be unhappy. It's like I'm not allowed feelings myself because she is having a hard time.
I can't think of any other couple who wouldn't also be upset about being ignored by their partner on Christmas Day Like This and then subsequently seen them out with another unknown person? I think she's highly offended that I saw all these interactions between her and this other guy and that I'm in the wrong for prying into them. I don't really know how to re establish contact. Should I expect an apology or best not bring it up?

OP posts:
SnackQueen · 02/01/2025 19:55

Sorry but it sounds like she's using you.

VisitationRights · 02/01/2025 20:18

I don’t think you are unreasonable but I also don’t think you are in a real relationship either.

merryhouse · 02/01/2025 20:19

She's not making you happy. You have nothing to tie you together. Just end it.

You don't owe her your boyfriendness just because she has a shit life. You're not obliged to do anything. She has family and friends for support, and she has a job

HVPRN · 02/01/2025 20:24

If you were my son, I would make sure you leave her. I'm sorry dear, this one is not your forever person.

It is your choice, you know her and your situation best, however seeing a friend over you over Christmas, in my opinion is an answer in itself.

kittensinthekitchen · 02/01/2025 20:25

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 19:45

Sorry, she wasn't staying away 5 days. Her parents are close.

So she lives close enough to her parents, but too far to see you?

Have you ever actually met her?

kittensinthekitchen · 02/01/2025 20:35

Hold on....

Is this the same girlfriend that you are planning to give (or have given) money to?

Main residence care assessment | Mumsnet

EagerRubyCrow · 20/06/2024 16:52
I'm disabled and live with my mother in her home. I will live here indefinitely, after she's passed, but I will never own the property.
I receive a care package from social services.
I want to help my partner buy a home with some money another family member is willing to give for my benefit.
So this money won't come to me it would go toward the deposit but I would then most likely own 20% of that house. I can't work out if this would be counted in my care finance assessments as it would be the only home I have some legal ownership of but I wouldn't be there permanently?
They say they include the value of your main residence, I don't have one...

Main residence care assessment | Mumsnet

I'm disabled and live with my mother in her home. I will live here indefinitely, after she's passed, but I will never own the property. I receive a ca...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/money-matters/5101333-main-residence-care-assessment

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 20:53

kittensinthekitchen · 02/01/2025 20:35

Hold on....

Is this the same girlfriend that you are planning to give (or have given) money to?

Main residence care assessment | Mumsnet

EagerRubyCrow · 20/06/2024 16:52
I'm disabled and live with my mother in her home. I will live here indefinitely, after she's passed, but I will never own the property.
I receive a care package from social services.
I want to help my partner buy a home with some money another family member is willing to give for my benefit.
So this money won't come to me it would go toward the deposit but I would then most likely own 20% of that house. I can't work out if this would be counted in my care finance assessments as it would be the only home I have some legal ownership of but I wouldn't be there permanently?
They say they include the value of your main residence, I don't have one...

It is.

OP posts:
KezzaMucklowe · 02/01/2025 20:59

Omg op.
Please don't trust this woman.
This is all so very odd.

KezzaMucklowe · 02/01/2025 21:00

Have you ever even seen any photos of the ex. Do you know what he looks like ?

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 21:02

KezzaMucklowe · 02/01/2025 21:00

Have you ever even seen any photos of the ex. Do you know what he looks like ?

Yes I do.

OP posts:
Candy24 · 02/01/2025 21:05

She is having an affair with you?

Ladylalaboo1 · 02/01/2025 21:06

Op, have you met her in real life? Or has this all just been done online?

ARealitycheck · 02/01/2025 21:07

Forgive me OP but it sounds like she is taking advantage of your situation. If you have been giving this woman money please stop. Do you have a family member or friend you can discuss this with?

Candy24 · 02/01/2025 21:07

She is lying and using you. Dont buy her anything especially not a house

PierceMorgansChin · 02/01/2025 21:07

Combattingthemoaners · 02/01/2025 19:35

Seems legit.

😂

Pamosonic · 02/01/2025 21:08

Oh my days I'm speechless. Not only at your naivity but how horrific this woman is.

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 21:12

Ladylalaboo1 · 02/01/2025 21:06

Op, have you met her in real life? Or has this all just been done online?

In real life.

OP posts:
PierceMorgansChin · 02/01/2025 21:13

OP you seem vulnerable. Please do not give the money a relative gave YOU to this woman. Talk to someone, it has scam written all over it. She does not treat you nice.

ARealitycheck · 02/01/2025 21:16

If you have been giving this woman money or buying her things I suggest you chat to the police. They will be able to make discreet enquiries to see if she is genuine. Also if she is, they will be able to give you and her advice on escaping abuse.

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 21:18

PierceMorgansChin · 02/01/2025 21:13

OP you seem vulnerable. Please do not give the money a relative gave YOU to this woman. Talk to someone, it has scam written all over it. She does not treat you nice.

I probably sound vulnerablish after all this but I do have friends/family for support.

OP posts:
EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 21:19

ARealitycheck · 02/01/2025 21:16

If you have been giving this woman money or buying her things I suggest you chat to the police. They will be able to make discreet enquiries to see if she is genuine. Also if she is, they will be able to give you and her advice on escaping abuse.

I know she no con artist or anything like that. She has had contact with police re DOm ab

OP posts:
ARealitycheck · 02/01/2025 21:22

EagerRubyCrow · 02/01/2025 21:19

I know she no con artist or anything like that. She has had contact with police re DOm ab

Do your friends and famiy know about her or does she ask you to keep it secret?

Namechange1345677 · 02/01/2025 21:23

She's using you OP! You need to get out and don't give her any money!

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 02/01/2025 21:27

Run. Don’t walk. Don’t look back.

Anonym00se · 02/01/2025 21:30

If she can escape the abusive “ex” long enough to go out with another bloke, she could have given you a call, at the very least. She’s making a mug out of you.

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