To be horrified I used to wake at this time every day?

[iusedto]

At 18 months my previously crap sleeper started sleeping through (mostly) but swapped multiple night wakings for waking very, very early - 5-530 generally.

This lasted for around a year. Then he dropped his nap and sort of shifted that sleep to the morning. Gradually he’s been waking later and later and now sometimes I have to wake him. (Not often.)

I have a ‘new’ 18 month old who thankfully doesn’t seem as inclined to start the day when it’s still the middle of the night but she did just wake me about half an hour ago and I am waiting for her to go back to sleep.

But - AIBU to be horrified this was a habitual start time if you like for me once upon a time? I’ve given myself such a hard time about not properly enjoying ds as a toddler but I kind of think no wonder; I must have been sick with exhaustion!

@Lostinmusic22 I'm sorry your life is stressful now. That must be hard for you, especially with the menopause symptoms.
But I think you're looking back at the kids being young with rose tinted glasses. I have one 3 year old son who sleeps 12 hours a night no issue. He gets up at 7:30am, and some mornings before my second son was born, I'd almost be late for work because we hadn't had enough time in the mornings. My second son (who is one) does not have the same sleep pattern at all. It is crushingly exhausting.
Sleep deprivation is not a badge of honour. We need sleep to stay physically well and mentally sane. To promote the idea that we should just get on with it is damaging.
Once my son is old enough to play by himself for an hour or two in the mornings, that is what he will be doing, because I cannot and will not go on like this!
Perhaps you'd have more sympathy if you were better rested...? What do I know

What if someone started screaming in your face at 2am and you had to get up though. No choice, no yoga, no peace. Just cold hard chaos. Because that's what 5am feels like to me with a one year old!

The point is I do not know a single friend of mine that is ‘well rested’ with young or older/teen children. It’s an illusion.

Teenagers are a whole new ballgame if they are healthy and well rounded. At least you know your child is safe in their cot at a younger age and can rest on the sofa at 5am! Honestly I look back and realise an early night was all that was needed to manage a decent nights sleep - be awake multiple times a night at nearly 50 is totally different. Some of my friend are broken women tbh. My dc are at least considerate and are not into drinking etc.A simple early start sounds blissful.

I haven’t started a thread about teens. My teens don’t drink and are very sensible but they have a life and lovely friends and I’m very pleased that they do. Between them all it can be tiring. Tweens and young teens are not comparable as you haven’t reached the stage of parties yet.

@Lostinmusic22 there is absolutely no resting on the sofa! I mean the fact you think that's what happens is probably the crux why you misunderstand why I'm so drained. He can't walk but he wants me to hold his hands whilst he goes up and down all of the stairs. I live in a four storey town house. Dear god. If I shut the lounge door he sits and screams. It's all he wants to do between 5-7am before everyone else gets up. Yes it's just a phase but my god it cannot pass fast enough.

You are very weird and stalker like. Are you always like this? So we had a difficult Christmas as I have sporty kids. My best friend died. They are seriously great teens but didn’t like cp?! And?

The four levels of your house can’t be helping. Can you move? It would be much easier possibly. I remember the early starts with my toddlers and lying on the play rug. I’m already on the train these days!

I’m not here to one up anyone, but for some that phase doesn’t end.

There’s an autistic 8yo in this house that’s been shouting the word Smee since 4am, he’s never even seen Peter Pan. Just likes that noise today. It was Merry Christmas… in June.

I am genuinely curious - does your base line of tired not move? Like, I’m shattered - but also used to being shattered, and “over it” most of the time if that makes sense?

Maybe it’s just that if I didn’t get over it, I’d die 😂

Teens undoubtedly bring their own challenges but sleep deprivation in the same way babies and toddlers are or can be isn’t really one of them.

@SleeplessInWherever gosh that sounds hard, I'm so sorry.
I do feel less tired than I did in newborn days but I know that, objectively, my brain does not function like it should when I'm tired. My job is very technical and I make mistakes when I'm tired. It concerns me hugely for the future because I need to get back to firing on all cylinders! It's a career I've worked so so hard for so I really don't want to give it up, and I enjoy it.
I'm hopeful that I can get back to normality soon (and by normality I mean sleeping until 7am, I was doing well after I came back from mat leave with my first son) but I am aware that many people are in much tougher situations.
Hoping your situation improves too!

Thanks. Although (probably strangely), it’s not as difficult as you’d think anymore. We both work full time, 40+ hours a week - we’re also all asleep by 9pm every day!

That’s why I was curious how it worked with more regular sleepers, if that makes sense.

I’m in no way smug or superior for living an eternal life being awake. Certainly isn’t a thing I’ve enjoyed getting used to.

I was genuinely interested in if those with hopefully temporary sleep issues get used to it in the same way we do. Like if there’s hoardes of SEN parents living off no sleep, how different is it for the NT folk!

No, I think you are very strange. You have actually taken the time to go through all of my threads ( I had forgotten all about the xmas one!) and gone to such trouble to prove what?
It’s stalker behaviour! You must be very bored with your life to devote so much time to someone else’s life.

Every single friend of mine is knackered! We are menopausal, with healthy teens that have real lives! This is how it is if you are a caring, committed parent.

If I had known then what I know now I would have reset my expectations! Raising children well is tiring. That’s it.

I am just about to start work. Enjoy the toddler years, yes they are tiring but also incredibly special.

I think you do sort of get used to it but very candidly, for me it was a combination of adjusting and coping, which I did to a point, or having a breakdown (which I sort of did at 18 months with DS, I just couldn’t do it any more) or just hating life and looking forward to the day it changes. I think most people run on one of those, or all three!

Word. My firstborn woke hourly until she was two, at which point she slept a little better (like, three-hour stretches) but the payoff was getting up at 4.30/5am. Unless your teenager is still cosleeping, breastfeeding and doing a massive poo at 5am, it’s not comparable.

And lmao at the idea of resting on the sofa at 5am with a toddler around. DS has just turned two and wants me to play on the floor with him, or scream at the door because it’s too early for the sun, or eat cereal so exuberantly you have to be on standby with a jet hose at all times.

The difference between babies and teenagers is you have to tend to a screaming baby when it wakes 18 times a night (cheers for that phase, DS). You don’t have to facilitate 4am swimming starts or collect your teenager at midnight: my parents’ rule was we could certainly go to parties, how did we plan on getting home? Because getting them up in the night wasn’t an option. If we didn’t have a lift or allowance left for a taxi, or a safe place to spend the night, we either didn’t go or we left when they were willing to drive us.

Obviously it’s all a choice – no one has to have a baby or a horse or a job with a commute – but suggesting decades of sleep deprivation is unrealistic. My dreadful hourly waker now sleeps through till past seven; DS sleeps through till six. Yeah, I’ve got peri insomnia but that’s nothing to do with children and can be improved with magnesium, HRT, kicking snoring DP into the spare room.

Enjoy the toddler years, yes they are tiring but also incredibly special.

I do think posts like this are unintentionally harmful; it isn’t just here but also social media is terrible for it!

I vastly prefer and have a better bond with four year old DS than I did with two year old DS.

He reliably sleeps 7-8 to 7-8.

If he’s late going to bed for whatever reason he chills and listens to his tonie box in bed.

He can have things explained to him (we do have to leave now because it’s closing but we can come back next week.)

No nappy changes.

No pushchairs

No carrying him around

He’ll be starting school in September and as much as it’s the end of an era, I’m also really looking forward to this next stage in his development.

I’m not going to spend my life looking back mawkishly at a time I actually didn’t enjoy much because others say I should. DD is now nearly 18 months and she’s been easier than DS in many ways (although some of that I think is probably me) but she’s definitely hit that stubborn, opinionated toddler phase where she’s prone to tantrums but can’t reason or explain things to her; all you can do is distract or similar.

She doesn’t reliably sleep through. She’s not an early riser but she does wake at least once , last night three times 🥱 I want to go to bed and snuggle down and sleep but I can’t, there’s always that ‘when will she wake up’ thing going on.

If she’s late going to bed for whatever reason it has a bad knock on effect on the whole of the next day and night!

Tantrums, arched back, screaming, sometimes with no discernible reason whatsoever. Yesterday we were driving back from the park, DD singing to herself then suddenly started to cry which turned into a full
tantrum, I still don’t know why. It’s normal but stressful

Nappy changes (which she hates) pushchair (which she also hates) change bag which has to be carted everywhere with nappies and wipes and spare clothes and snacks and drinks and toys and you always forget something and have to either dash to a supermarket or see if there’s another kind mum …

I love her dearly, she’s easier than DS was at this age and she’s often delightful. But I’m looking forward to her being the same age DS is now, and starting school. I love them both very much but I’d hate them to be toddlers indefinitely as I also love reading, sleeping, my friends, eating in restaurants, holidays abroad, money (!) my car not resembling the local recycling centre and maybe, just maybe keeping the house clean for longer than a nanosecond!

The party thing is really strange; I don’t know how often people’s teens are going out at night partying for this to be considered a problem. Maybe Christmas has exacerbated it!

Haha, “Enjoy the toddler years, yes they are tiring but also incredibly special” is the same as “You got this, mama!” and other pointless blandishments when you are in the depths of hell. “The days are long but the years are short!” Yes, and?

I got through it with hot coffee, hotter showers, fresh air as early as possible (we were often in the playground at 7am along with one or two other dead-eyed parents), a lengthy and ongoing support thread on the MN Sleep board where other “let’s just endure this instead of sleep training” mothers kept me going. People could be very and darkly funny even on no hours sleep.

@iusedto well said. I think we could be friends 😄

I’m with you!