Husband fears putting money in a junior ISA…

[Twoanddonethanku]

…as he is worried that by 18 our children may be drug addicts or delinquent and therefore it would be incredibly risky for them to have access to a few thousand pounds.

Backstory: I have 2 children aged 6 and 3. My parents said they wanted to put some money aside for them each month until
they are 18. They are saving £25 per month per child so by the time they are 18 the kids will have at least £5,400, not accounting for interest. I opened a junior ISA for each child which my parents pay the money into. This was sorted out a good few years ago, with my husband fully in the loop.

I also save for my kids, from my own personal money (DH and I both pay into a joint account, then the rest of our salaries is ours to do what we want with). Depending on how each month is going I tend to set aside £50 for each child per month in regular savers in their names. DH does not contribute to any savings for the children. He prefers to spend his money now while he has it and is of the opinion that as we don’t know what the future holds then we shouldn’t trouble ourselves too much about saving for the kids. I find this stance fairly contradictory as he takes advice from a financial advisor on pensions and we overpay our mortgage to get it paid off quicker.

DH wants my parents to pay the kids’ money into my Lifetime ISA as I will have more control over the money and can give or withhold it from the kids when they are of age with more control, whereas a junior ISA automatically converts to an adult ISA in their name and parents lose control of the account. I don’t want to do this as it means the kids can’t access their money until I am 60 (I’m 37 now so that’s 23 years away - they might need their money sooner).

DH has spoken to a financial advisor and also his therapist about this. Apparently they both agree that it is risky putting money aside for kids in a junior ISA due to not knowing what your kids might be like at age 18.

Personally, I had always thought the money could be useful for driving lessons, helping the kids get through uni, or even getting them a head start with saving or investing for their own futures.I had not considered that our kids might have gone so far off the rails. Perhaps this is really naive of me.

We are doing ok for ourselves but deffo not rolling in money and do not have a huge disposable income. It means a lot to me to be setting money aside for the kids for their futures.

So: am I being unreasonable? Really interested in hearing your opinions.

YABU - DH raises a valid point and you should find an alternative account to save the money in
YANBU - DH is being too risk adverse, hold your ground and keep the money going into their JISAs

Not true, when they're 18 the letters come to them. It's their money.

Am I the only one suspicious of op’s DH wanting her parents savings and hers (again zero contribution from himself) going into her ISA rather than in the chikdre s name? Is he stacking the odds in his own favour? Should there ever be a divorce he would have rights to this money for instance.

children’s

I save for my child in a normal stocks and shares ISA rather than a JSA for this very reason. Not because I think she’s going to become a delinquent but because at 18 I got a couple of thousand from a grandparent and spent it quickly on just going out and stuff. As most 18yr olds would. I just wouldn’t risk saving all my life for it to be gone in a month or so on nothing

People need to learn to help their children fail safety much younger.

Let them blow cash earlier so they learn the hard way young. Then support them to save up.

DD had a few quid in pocket money and the message was, "of course you can spend it on Beanie babies and sweets, it's yours. But you did want to save up for a pet. You need to decide which is more important to you." She learned emotional regulation, delayed gratification, pride, saving, money management. Vital skills.

I wonder...

YANBU, Op.

I agree with @MrsTerryPratchett and @Lucyccfc68 Teach them money management skills from a young age. Talk to them about the price of things, talk about tax, savings, ISA’s, mortgages etc.

It starts with Xmas/birthday money - I can still remember dd aged about 4 very solemnly weighing up her choices in Toys R Us before deciding what to spend her money on.. And over the years we (especially DH) discussed financial matters with her.

I’ve seen a teenage family member quickly waste the money that his mother (on benefits) had scrimped to save for him.

My DC’s savings are in my name, in an isa. They know there are savings but I want more control on how the money I’ve saved over years and years is used. I’m not prepared for a ‘life lesson’ to be from money I’ve saved.

Exactly!

It's a great skill and highly transferable as well.

I really do find it hilarious reading that good parenting guarantees sensible kids! And coming from people with adult children too, who should know better. Yes of course the quality of parenting has a huge impact on how kids behave as adults, but there are no guarantees. Our kids become adults with their own thoughts and opinions. We hope they’ll share our values, but they may not. Savers may give birth to spenders, and vice versa. You just never know.

I do spend a lot of time teaching my 10yr old money management skills - she has an account and saves and is currently very sensible. HOWEVER, many 18yr olds are not sensible for a few years. If the money is in my ISA I choose when she gets it. I don’t get why you’d bother with a JSA unless you were maxing out your £20k normal ISA per year

Thanks for this, I guess this is my husband’s fear. Even though the possibility seems remote now.

DS is 18 now and I never worried about it at all. He knows it is for a house deposit and has never asked anything else.

this is how I feel. It’s going to be a relatively small amount of money - ultimately it will be up to them how they spend it and both myself & my parents are happy to trust them with that.

It's both nature and nurture, obviously. Maybe with some kids you can gauge sooner than others if they're sensible with reasonable impulse control or not?

Yes! That’s what I want to scream at him - have more faith in them AND in our parenting!!!

I don’t think you can do that. That’s why my DH is concerned - everything that is in a JISA becomes the child’s at the point they turn 18, you can’t withdraw it before hand or move it.

He's forgetting that even if they blow it, THAT'S important learning too. earning things is sometimes hard.

And I get the PP's point about addiction. But I've known many many addicts, some of whom died and none of whom died because of family saving for them. It's a very specific and very unlikely scenario.

They could blow it on Ibiza or something equally transitory. But they will learn from that.

One of my favourite things to remember is that as parents we are raising happy, healthy adults, not just controlling children. We need to remember the actual goal.

You can do all that and your child can still become a drug addict. If a child is that way inclined, there is nothing you can do unless you lock them up.

@Twoanddonethanku doesn’t it make you cross your DH isn’t saving for your children while you and your parents are? Don’t you mind that he is trying to tell you what to do with the money you are saving? He seems pretty good at looking after his own pension.

My dh saved for his dd. She had some dreadful behaviour in her teens and some of it dangerous, more dangerous than normal teen stuff.
He parented her, laid out boundaries and at that point she cut contact.
She got 1000s of pounds at 18, had failed at sixth form and so wasted the lot on rubbish. She's never worked despite us trying everything and had no concept of money or how to spend it responsibly. All the savings were wasted on tik tok shop nonsense and he bitterly regrets saving it all in her name

We decided not to bet against our kids being drug addicts aged 18 and fully invested in child trust funds and have handed over in excess of £80k to our oldest already. He has invested it all in pensions and other secure financial vehicles. Younger son will get the same in a couple of years.

I would be very unhappy if my DH was trying to imply that the odds of them becoming drug addicts was higher than the odds of them being successful. And I certainly wouldn't want their savings in my name, so that if he decided to leave, their money would be considered as mine in any settlement.

Haha, well we had a row about this today which is why I’m posting!!

Tell him to save for them any way he pleases then. Belt and braces!

One of my favourite things to remember is that as parents we are raising happy, healthy adults, not just controlling children. We need to remember the actual goal.

Very wise words. I sometimes wonder about parenting in the UK. According to MN you can't leave a 12 year old in the house by themselves for five minutes, but the moment they turn 18 they are supposed to be emotionally and financially independent. I frequently get the impression that many Brits don't like their own children, and many give a higher priority to their own batshit neuroses than to their children's development.