Husband fears putting money in a junior ISA…

[Twoanddonethanku]

…as he is worried that by 18 our children may be drug addicts or delinquent and therefore it would be incredibly risky for them to have access to a few thousand pounds.

Backstory: I have 2 children aged 6 and 3. My parents said they wanted to put some money aside for them each month until
they are 18. They are saving £25 per month per child so by the time they are 18 the kids will have at least £5,400, not accounting for interest. I opened a junior ISA for each child which my parents pay the money into. This was sorted out a good few years ago, with my husband fully in the loop.

I also save for my kids, from my own personal money (DH and I both pay into a joint account, then the rest of our salaries is ours to do what we want with). Depending on how each month is going I tend to set aside £50 for each child per month in regular savers in their names. DH does not contribute to any savings for the children. He prefers to spend his money now while he has it and is of the opinion that as we don’t know what the future holds then we shouldn’t trouble ourselves too much about saving for the kids. I find this stance fairly contradictory as he takes advice from a financial advisor on pensions and we overpay our mortgage to get it paid off quicker.

DH wants my parents to pay the kids’ money into my Lifetime ISA as I will have more control over the money and can give or withhold it from the kids when they are of age with more control, whereas a junior ISA automatically converts to an adult ISA in their name and parents lose control of the account. I don’t want to do this as it means the kids can’t access their money until I am 60 (I’m 37 now so that’s 23 years away - they might need their money sooner).

DH has spoken to a financial advisor and also his therapist about this. Apparently they both agree that it is risky putting money aside for kids in a junior ISA due to not knowing what your kids might be like at age 18.

Personally, I had always thought the money could be useful for driving lessons, helping the kids get through uni, or even getting them a head start with saving or investing for their own futures.I had not considered that our kids might have gone so far off the rails. Perhaps this is really naive of me.

We are doing ok for ourselves but deffo not rolling in money and do not have a huge disposable income. It means a lot to me to be setting money aside for the kids for their futures.

So: am I being unreasonable? Really interested in hearing your opinions.

YABU - DH raises a valid point and you should find an alternative account to save the money in
YANBU - DH is being too risk adverse, hold your ground and keep the money going into their JISAs

My DDs will have some money saved from GPs and that they chose to put away from birthday money into their JISA. That's all their money, I hope they choose to do something constructive with it at 18+. If they blow it all on nothing, that's their choice too. DH and I have joint family savings to help with deposits/ Uni.

I do really believe that if dc have financial guidance and pocket money from a young age then they do have a good understanding of money, of saving for something they want and using what money they have wisely. It is not that ds did not make some daft choices, but that he understood that saving bits adds up long term. We were very forceful that half was saved and he could see that this was good as it locked it away from temptation.

We used the government trust fund money for our kids and have paid into it for them ever since - the older one turns 18 this year and I’ve long had conversations with her about what happens when it matures, which is that she’ll get a decent chunk and will then give us the rest until she has a useful plan for it, to avoid the temptation to blow it all.

She’s very happy with this as a compromise, but appreciate it is based on us having a good relationship etc. which I suppose is the risk with it.

Neither of you are being unreasonable.

He is flagging a legitimate concern. You may have an 18yr old on your hands who comes into £5k+ and wants to spend it on a club 18-30s holiday for them and their mates, has a desire for a £1.5k handbag, wants to buy a motorcycle or fancies some expensive cosmetic surgery. Putting aside something as extreme as 'drug addict' - you just need to think- am I OK with us all saving for them, for them to use that money however their 18yr old self fancies it - which could include them buying gifts for girlfriends/boyfriends or loaning it to friends and never getting it back etc. They may just fritter it - a £300 primark haul, a new laptop, next month - nails/hair, then a weekend in a city, then some more new clothes and it just slowly fritters away over the course of a couple of years.

They don't have to be drug addicts to make choices that you could be at risk of deeply resenting. Or choices that may lead to massive family arguments - e.g buying a ridiculous car/motorcycle. Coming home with some very large Selfridges bags.

You will not have control over that money - so you hope they will spend it wisely, but it's important to add that your kids at 18yrs old may be very different to the 25yr or 30yr old selves. They may blow the money on stupid stuff at 18yrs old and deeply regret it themselves.

They may be wonderfully responsible. They may re-invest it and put it towards a house deposit in the future. They may save it for a wedding. They may use it for further education.

The point is - you will not have control and you don't know who the major influencers in their life will be - like friends/boyfriends/girlfriends.

So it is a legitimate concern you and your DH need to think about.

But it's also a legitimate saving technique and something they may hugely appreciate and if used correctly could really open up some opportunities to them that they otherwise couldn't have afforded.

So neither of you unreasonable but it's just important to really think it through.

Despite your husband not being someone who is contributing to the savings - he's not being ridiculous by flagging this point.

Usually if the ISA is in your children's name you can't take any money out as it's not your money. You can change the account for a better deal and add money in but not remove it unless exceptional circumstances.

If you want to put money aside for your DCs but are worried about them having access to it at 18, have you considered putting it in a pension? Sixty years of compounded growth invested in equities is going to be much more life-altering for them.

I'm a bit surprised he told you his financial advisor said not to put anything into a JISA, unless he suggested an alternative (assuming your DH isn't fibbing or at least omitting part of the advice). In my experience an IFA will always advise putting something away if it's affordable - I knew a family (clients of my IFA boss) who would start up both a JISA and a junior pension as soon as any babies reached 6 months.

The IFA may well have said that there are more secure ways to invest the money to ensure it can be used for the purpose for which it is intended, but I doubt very much they would have said not to bother!

Excellent post. You really have to flag up the pros and cons and decide what you're happiest with.

Our son who just turned 9 has just over 40k in his child ISA via stocks and shares which have increased 5x what we put in. I don't add to it but hope by the time he's 18 it will be worth multiples of what it is worth today. He knows he has something for when he's older but not how much as when it was only worth 15k he started going round telling people which was embarrassing. Reckons he is going to buy a Lamborghini so have 9 years to give him some savvy financial advice 😂

Stealing?? How is it stealing? Funny definition of stealing in your dictionary. No lying involved either, if they don’t know about it. Hopefully, it won’t be necessary or DS is the sensible sort, but if not then I’m quite happy with my moral code and will be sleeping well at night knowing that he is well provided for.

DH has spoken to a financial advisor and also his therapist about this. Apparently they both agree that it is risky putting money aside for kids in a junior ISA due to not knowing what your kids might be like at age 18.

Nice that they both feel that wives and parents should do what the man of the house thinks, even though none of the money involved is his

He can save the money he saves for them however he wants.

FWIW I believe in pocket money as soon as they won't eat it. Give them the chance to spent it all on sweets or Roblox and by the time they are 18, they will have made the stupid mistakes. DD at 14 is incredibly responsible with money. Because she practised saving and spending early.

I mean they'd have to be tremendously bratty and entitled to be upset at recieving a large financial gift at 22 instead of 18.

The thing is, if you put money in a JISA you have given it to the child. It is theirs, end of story.

Theft in England and Wales is defined as dishonest appropriation of property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving them of it. The actions described might fall short of appropriation, and the intention to deprive might not be permanent but it IS dishonest, and sails bloody close to the wind.

I’m shocked at the amount of people who think their parenting skills are that piss poor that their children will all be delinquent, drug addicts by the time they are 18.

Teach them money management skills from a young age. Talk to them about the price of things, talk about tax, savings, ISA’s, mortgages etc.

I was never taught anything about managing money and would have definitely just gone wild with any savings at 18. So I made sure my son understood more than I did. It’s not a guarantee, but more of a guarantee than if you do nothing.

I opened a junior savings account for him from a very young age, although I had responsibility for it until he was 16. Prior to him being 16, we had lots of chats about what he would do with the money and we did some research together on ISA’s and the best rates. He put all the money into a 2 year fixed rate ISA. When that matured, along with a decent inheritance from his Grandfather, he opened a further 1 year fixed rate ISA and a LISA. The ISA interest gave him enough to pay his next years car insurance, a further lump sum to put into his LISA and a little bit of spends.

He has now reinvested his original lump into another ISA.

He does go out clubbing, drinking and going to gigs, but he pays for this from his part time job. He is very savvy with his savings and investments as he has been taught about money since he was little. He understands the value of it and how he can make money work for him. He see’s the interest he makes as ‘free’ money to pay for things like his car insurance.

@MrsTerryPratchett quite! He has a cheek trying to dictate terms when he hasn’t bothered saving for his children himself! There is something off about him.

Of course it doesn't protect against everything, but 90% of people being worried about trusting their children is disproportionate

We had the same thought too, we put the first lot of savings into an ISA each in our names. We don't want that in our names now so opened the junior ISA for them instead. As a PP said, they only know it's there if you tell them. We have now told ours and they are both happy for us to retain "control" in full ISAs when they are 18 and invest for them. I have seen it go horribly wrong though.

I’m with your DH on this one. Although I posted on a different thread that we weren’t saving for our child due to this and everyone went nuts at me, so it’s interesting to see the responses on here and how the first few responses shape the rest of the thread.

It’s not just about them getting into drugs, there was a thread the other day about someone’s son who had got their parents savings for university to buy a gaming system. It’s not that uncommon and most of the guys at my uni did something similar with their loans.

I think there is value in having a small amount of money in their own name, this would be the amount the grandparents are putting away. If the child is sensible it can go on driving lessons, insurance etc. If they aren’t sensible then they haven’t wasted a whole house deposit. I had a bit of money when I was 18 from my great-grandparent, it was about £2,500. Some of it I used sensibly - paying for car insurance. Some of it I used on being 18 and trips with my friends and uni trips. There have been times since that I’ve thought “how could I have spent £1k on trips, what a waste and what a difference that would make now” but I think there’s a value in my having a small amount of money just to be 18 if you have the opportunity but I wouldn’t be putting away large amounts.

good parenting does not solve all ills - I’m amazed how many people think it does.

All my DC have had the exact same education re money. The two eldest handle it completely differently.

I'm pretty sure it's actually illegal to intercept mail that's intended for someone else. So yes, morally wrong and (I'm pretty certain) against the law.

It's also just really controlling and far from the hallmark of a healthy adult child/parent dynamic. But you'll likely find that out to your detriment as time goes on, over this issue or something else. I can't be the only person who recognises their own toxic parent in your posts.

A few of my best friends are excellent people who were raised by grandparents because their own parents were alcoholics/drug users. It wasn't their parenting or the grandkids would have gone the same way.

This is illogical though.

I am fairly sure if I'd had DD in my 20s, she'd be a basket case. I was a fuckwit back then. In my 40s I'm a fairly responsible adult. Mostly. Parenting changes over time and with practise. 40 yos typically also have more money and resources than 20 yos. Maybe they learned from some of their mistakes the first time around.

Honestly if DS wants to spend his money on drugs and hookers at 18 rather than driving lessons, I’ll have bigger things to worry about than his junior ISA.

If he just wants to spend it on his gap year or going on holiday with his mates or something, that’s up to him as long as he understands that the money will then be gone, and the driving lessons aren’t being paid for by me at a later date.

My teens pay almost zero attention to the post and their kids bank statements. I'm the one who picks up the post in my house.

We pay birthday/Christmas money into junior ISAs then the extra that we save for them we put into an account in our names. I’m with your husband, i don’t know what my kids will turn out like, hopefully they will be great and we’ll transfer them the money at 18 to use for uni/car/travel or whatever BUT if they’re absolute wasters then I’d rather they just waste to couple of thousand they will have accumulated in birthday money rather than all the extra we have put aside for them, we will save that until they are mature enough to spend it on something useful.

Yep I don’t believe either of them said that in anything like the way he’s saying they did.