To think a bit of understanding isn’t too much to ask?

[user0346]

NC as potentially outing.

The long and short of it is, I was supposed to visit my friend’s newly renovated house with a two other friends between Christmas and New Year, and completely forgot about it.

For context, I’m pregnant with my first child, due in March, and baby’s father and my partner of 5 years left me out of the blue just over a month ago so admittedly my head is absolutely up my arse.

Anyway, I was mortified and called to apologise but could tell she was annoyed. She then sent me a text the next day ‘after she’d had time to calm down’ and said she was really disappointed in me as a friend as I knew how much work she’d put into the house, and she felt that I’d been thoughtless and selfish. I probably was thoughtless but quite honestly I don’t know which way is up at the moment! I haven’t replied.

To be clear, we weren’t going for dinner so it’s not like I made her waste food or anything like that. It was literally just a visit to get a tour of the house. I don’t have form for being scatty or unreliable at all - I’m usually very together. I’m just going through a hard time right now and think she could’ve given me a little bit of grace given the circumstances.

Ask her if your tour guide ticket is valid any other dates? She is nuts.

Bloody hell. She obviously has never had anything so stressful and upsetting happen to her if she can’t comprehend how this wasn’t in the forefront of your mind!
So sorry, I hope you have some real life support to help you through

She is bonkers.
I would be distancing myself from someone with a self centred, disproportionate world view.

Does she know what's going on?

Did you not turn up to a pre-arranged catch up at a set time / date….

… or not organise to go and see her as planned?

As they are v different. The former is annoying, the latter is not IMO.

Sorry about your various difficulties OP.

What a drama. She’s being a dick.

A real friend would understand that you're going through a stressful time and would not make a big deal of it.

When was the last time you discussed the visit with anyone, and did the other two friends go?

Personally, I get embarrassed for people who offer 'tours' of their house.

I've no doubt you've seen plenty of photos of it anyway?

I would send a simple reply back saying “Likewise. I am disappointed in you for your lack of sympathy at what you know is a very difficult time for me.”

She’s rude. You need friends to support you atm…not throw their toys out the pram when you forget to go and look amazed at their new skirting boards!

Goodness me she's not a friend is she! You're pregnant, your partner has left and she's whinging you've not visited to compliment her house in a set 5 day period. Honestly you don't need people like this in your life OP.

I'd reply:

'Get over yourself'

Then ditch her.

yep, what @TheMasterplan23 said.

Had she gone to any bother with cleaning it and sorting food or even snacks?

I can see how it would be disappointing if you were sitting all ready waiting for someone to arrive and they bailed on you.

Surely the house will still be standing for the foreseeable future. Unless she's some kind of 'flipper' who only owns a house to do it up then sell a month later?
All you can do is say you forgot. If that excuse means she'll never speak to you again then frankly it's her loss.
It's an odd way to behave frankly. It wasn't like she'd booked tickets for The orient express for you and you did a no show?

I didn't even know tour guiding in a new house was a thing. I've only ever been to someone's new house when there was an actual reason to go. She sounds mental.

^ This.

A tour of the house. Not even any food. And she's bellyaching because you have a solid reason to give it a miss? I mean, obv not ideal to DNA but you've apologised and nobody was out of pocket or anything.

We are all bit part players on the stage of your friend's life.

Take no notice.
Shes an entitled shallow “friend” who just wants to show off.
Dump her because soon you are going to be too busy to care and shes not going to be cutting you any slack then either.
Who needs this $h*t in life especially when you’re going through so much turmoil. Drop her.

So your other 2 friends went round and you didn't? And no one thought "user3046 is having a really tough time, let's check she's ok"? That's quite sad for supposed friends. You're pregnant and your partner has left you not long before Christmas. A bit of compassion wouldn't have gone amiss there. I hope you've got good support from other places .

That’s the thing, she’s had her own stresses and bad experiences so I think that’s why her lack of empathy is so hard to take.

Thank you. I have an amazing support network in my family which I’m so grateful for.

Did your other two friends end up going?

People who give ‘house tours’ are the sort of people who know the cost of everything and the value of none. If I won the lottery and bought myself a princess castle I’d want my friends over to enjoy it with me, not to show off what I’d got. She’s a dick.

You should have gone, you didn’t go, and didn’t call, she was upset. You should apologise for not going as arranged (without any sort of “you’re a terrible person) side text. She accepts it, or she doesn’t.

When was it discussed, did you make a loose plan a few weeks ago then have no further communication until afterwards? Or did you agree you'd go in the next day or two and then not show up? If this was my friends we'd have been messaging the day before to agree a time etc., when did you last speak to her before the planned meet up?

She did apologise. Did you also miss the part where OP said she's pregnant and her OH has left her

Are you the "friend"