To think a bit of understanding isn’t too much to ask?

[user0346]

NC as potentially outing.

The long and short of it is, I was supposed to visit my friend’s newly renovated house with a two other friends between Christmas and New Year, and completely forgot about it.

For context, I’m pregnant with my first child, due in March, and baby’s father and my partner of 5 years left me out of the blue just over a month ago so admittedly my head is absolutely up my arse.

Anyway, I was mortified and called to apologise but could tell she was annoyed. She then sent me a text the next day ‘after she’d had time to calm down’ and said she was really disappointed in me as a friend as I knew how much work she’d put into the house, and she felt that I’d been thoughtless and selfish. I probably was thoughtless but quite honestly I don’t know which way is up at the moment! I haven’t replied.

To be clear, we weren’t going for dinner so it’s not like I made her waste food or anything like that. It was literally just a visit to get a tour of the house. I don’t have form for being scatty or unreliable at all - I’m usually very together. I’m just going through a hard time right now and think she could’ve given me a little bit of grace given the circumstances.

What an absolute bitch. Anyone who thinks “you said you’d go, you should have gone, regardless of being abandoned when heavily pregnant” is a selfish idiot.

You should read the whole post. The OPs already called to apologise and her 'friend' has rather rudely told her how disappointed she is. Have some bloody compassion.

You find out who your friends are at times like this @user0346 . Obviously you opining on your this woman's renovations is so much more important than anything you might be going through. Has she always been so desperate for praise and attention? Was she there for you at all when dicky walked out? You're better off without the pair of them now that they've shown you where their priorities lie.

Best of luck moving forward and make the most of the genuine and loving support you do have

It's annoying when someone doesn't show up for a planned event because they forgot, and it doesn't make you feel very important or special to that person. That said, knowing everything you're currently dealing with, she should have been more understanding and less emotional in her response. The only possible partial 'excuse', imo, would be if you're constantly forgetting engagements with her and this was the last straw that made her lose her cool. It doesn't sound like that's what has happened here, though, so she should have just accepted that, no, her new house is not actually the most important thing on your radar at the moment, gotten over herself, and graciously arranged another time for you to visit.

We arranged it in the group chat on the 23rd and decided we’d make our own way there as we’d all be coming from different directions. There wasn’t any other discussion about it after this.

Other two friends showed up and one text to ask when I’d be arriving which I didn’t see until an hour later, as I was painting baby’s room, totally oblivious. I’m just absolutely all over the place

These things happen, just put it behind you and move on. If she won’t accept your apology then she’s a minge and you’re better off rid.

That’s not a friend if her need to show off her new house has overwhelmed her need to support a pregnant friend whose partner has buggered off and who has just survived one of the most sentimental times of the year with an entirely new future stretching in front of you than the one you thought was going to happen.
It’s not like the house is going anywhere, it’ll probably still be available for viewing in a few months.
if she doesn’t suddenly realise she’s being an arse and apologise profusely for being so, then cool the relationship. It won’t get any easier once you’ve had a lovely baby that doesn’t keep to her schedule.

YANBU at all. You made a mistake and you apologised - any normal person with any kind of basic kindness and empathy would understand entirely. She’s being a dick, frankly.

Wow she's got some serious main character syndrome

Do you want to stay friends with someone so self absorbed that only her problems deserve airtime and compassion in this world?

It sounds to me like continuing this friendship is just going to tax you of your time and energy in the long run and she isn't going to help refill your cup unless it's convenient to her.

Just think about when you have this baby, your life will be utterly unpredictable and you will rightly be in your own little bubble, recovering, enjoying new life, feeling all of the ups and downs, possibly even grieving expectations you previously had. Where will she be? Will she be a shoulder to cry on a someone to lean on? It doesn't sound like it to me.

You've got the perfect opportunity to grab control here and tell her you've no interest in resuming contact with someone who lacks compassion and end it there if you choose to, but if you do give her another chance please be prepared to enforce your own boundaries for what behaviour and expectations you have of her as friend, and be firm about them.

Honestly OP, I wouldn't give Housezilla another thought.

She clearly hasn't given you any.

I would reply to her that you're disappointed in her as a friend as you're going through a stressful time, genuinely forgot and she's not being understanding.

This is not a friend Op, you need to cut ties with her.