To not go to this baby shower

[IHateNewYear123]

A colleague is having a baby shower.
The cost is £30 each for afternoon tea. Am I the only one who thinks this is a lot?
It is also a fair drive and by the time I factor in a present it’s going to be about £70! Money is really tight in January and I’m wondering if I should go or not.

Have you only just been invited?

It's about standard for an afternoon tea around here.

But obviously if you don't want to go then don't.

There's nothing to discuss really.

Round where I live £30 is reasonable for afternoon tea but that doesn’t mean you’re obliged to attend, especially if money is tight. You can definitely politely decline, no issue at all with that.

a family member has only just given details of where/when but she mentioned the baby shower about a month ago

Nah I wouldn’t be going. You’ll probably be expected to take a gift. It all sounds very last minute

Honestly it's not alot for afternoon tea - the price is fairly standard.

Its poor etiquette to invite guests and expect you to pay.
I wouldn't do it as a host but equally if i wasinvired by someone i liked id go and pay and wouldn't be salty.

You don't want to so just decline...

I don’t get why people get their knickers in such a twist about accepting/declining invitations like this. If you don’t want to go for whatever reason that’s absolutely fine - simply decline and send a card/small gift instead.

£30 for afternoon tea sounds quite good value...but if you're not especially close to the mum to be and money is tight, just say no and make up an excuse

The point is for the woman to be showered in gifts, so expecting guests to pay to attend, too, is taking the piss.
As PP mentioned it's poor etiquette and entitled to 'host' the gifting event while making attendees pay.
Decline without a moment of thought 💁‍♀️

It's a baby shower for a colleague ... WGAF? Don't go. Simple.

£30 isn't that much BUT if you don't want to go, don't! I have lovely lovely memories from my baby shower, everyone there was just amazing and I love all of them. It was just an afternoon tea but it made me feel very special at a time where I felt extremely low, anxious and ill. A few people I know where invited and declined. Didn't bother me in the slightest. It's about the people and it being a nice, cheerful event. If you can't or don't want to be there for any reason, just decline politely.

If it's a colleague can you club together with other colleagues for a gift? So put in about a fiver each? Depends on how close you are to this person as well.

For a colleague? No, politely decline the invitation now, buy her a £15-20 gift (if you want to ) and send it either now or when the baby is born.

I didn’t mean it to sound like I was twisting. I am grateful to be invited. I wouldn’t mind if it was a close friend. I just don’t know if it’s rude to decline now after I had initially said yes.
I do think that asking people to pay to attend on top of a gift is a lot but I might be in the minority.

Same.

Sometimes I think they just disapprove and want others to chime in with their disapproval.

Meanwhile the person whose event it is, may not even give them a second thought.

If you can't afford or don't want to spend the money I'd simply say, thanks but no thanks.

I just think all these celebrations, gender reveal, baby showers, hens and stags have just got a bit out of proportion. My friend was a bridesmaid this year, and it cost her £100s of ££ by the end of it all. If people aren't careful they will start to price themselves out of attendees. I'm now a lot more careful about what I go to, due to the cost. Sometimes a years worth of celebrations equate to a holiday for me

You're expected to pay to attend a baby shower?! I've been to over 20 baby showers and they're always at someone's house and the host / their family provides the food. You go, they feed you some nibbles, you take a gift. Never heard of going out somewhere and paying yourself.

Seems really cheap to me.

But if you cannot afford it just say you can’t. And don’t attend. Send them a nice gift instead.

I think it's totally fine not to go especially if you're not that close.
But other poster are saying it's 'ridiculous to pay to attend a Baby Shower' but it's not exactly paying to attend it's paying for afternoon tea which is often expensive especially if it includes a glass of prosecco or champagne.
If someone invites me for their birthday meal I don't expect them to cover the bill and depending on who they are I might also buy them a birthday present so this is the same in my book.
BUT it's still fine not to go because of the expense.

It's never compulsory to accept an invitation. Just say no thank you

Has the host already paid a deposit?

Do you like the person and want to spend time with them? Then go, but you could buy a cheaper present to make it easier for you.

Just say you can't make it. If you reply quickly it will be no big deal, there are bound to be others that can't make it for various reasons. The less said the better. Say you have something else on that afternoon and then remember that you are busy 🤣🙈 better still stick something real in your diary that day so you don't need to lie like lunch/ coffee with a friend.

Since OP hasn't accepted the invitation yet, that's not her fault or her problem.

Say no thanks, get a present.