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Original poster

Partner been talking to ex wife

41 replies

ForestFox44 · 30/12/2024 22:37

To cut a long story short my current DP suffers with severe jealousy. I have 1DS with my ex partner. I also have 1DS with my DP. My ex and I co parent amicably for the most part how ever my DP finds issue with every single plan I make with my ex. He seems to only be happy if we are arguing. He hates me messaging my ex about anything. We rarely speak as my DP is very full on about it. Any communication I have with my ex, my DP wants every tiny detail. Now here's my issue. I know my DP is still in contact with his ex wife. They share no children. He said they rarely speak but I've had a feeling that isn't true. Today I asked for the first time to see his messages, he panicked, showed me a few but then snatched his phone and didn't want me to see anymore. It turns out they message every single day...about everything. I have absolutely lost it over this simply because of the amount of stress he causes me about communication with my ex about our DS. I feel like this is hugely hypocritical and want to know if I'm being reasonable to end it over this. We have a string of issues but this feels like the icing on the cake right now.

OP posts:
Sceptical123 · 30/12/2024 22:41

There’s a cliche that cheaters are the most jealous partners themselves - bc they know what other ppl are capable of I guess.

Not saying he’s cheating on you but if he’s in contact with ex and they’re presumably on good terms then he will be aware that this scenario can and does happen.

I absolutely detest hypocrisy so I’d be livid too. What on earth was his excuse?

username299 · 30/12/2024 22:43

People often accuse their partner of what they're doing themselves.

I don't understand why you're tolerating his behaviour about your ex but assume it's the tip of the iceberg.

DorothyStorm · 30/12/2024 22:46

username299 · 30/12/2024 22:43

People often accuse their partner of what they're doing themselves.

I don't understand why you're tolerating his behaviour about your ex but assume it's the tip of the iceberg.

Edited

This. Was coming on to saw the same. It is projection.

To cut a long story short my current DP suffers with severe jealousy.
But this first sentence alone is enough for you to end the relationship.

he is a prick. Why live like that?

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 30/12/2024 22:50

Oh hell no. It’s cheating. They have nothing connecting them still other than feelings. What an absolute liar and gaslighter.

Original poster
ForestFox44 · 30/12/2024 23:32

I always said he was projecting. His excuse is they were together a long time and it's hard to just cut that person out. Funny thing is I wouldn't have even been overly bothered about the odd message if he didn't give me such a hard time.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 30/12/2024 23:38

He's jealous because he's judging you by his own standards.

Regardless of him messaging with his ex, I couldn't put up with him making a fuss when you have contact with your child's father.

DorothyStorm · 31/12/2024 10:30

ForestFox44 · 30/12/2024 23:32

I always said he was projecting. His excuse is they were together a long time and it's hard to just cut that person out. Funny thing is I wouldn't have even been overly bothered about the odd message if he didn't give me such a hard time.

He is giving you a hard time. He is making your time hard. For something he is doing himself and far worse. You deserve better than that.

HPandthelastwish · 31/12/2024 10:33

Are you enjoying the relationship? No, then leave. You can leave for any reason and this is as good as any.

DaringLion · 31/12/2024 12:49

What a pig ,he has no reason to be in constant contact with his ex.You carry on the good co parenting with your ex husband and tell this hypocrite to do one

coolkatt · 31/12/2024 13:22

Absolute asshole. I would get rid of him right now. He puts himself over the relationship u have with ur child's dad causing all sorts of issues but he is doing this!!! Honestly wtf does he think he is? I would t tolerate this a second more. New year, get him out now

Janus · 04/01/2025 08:10

Please leave. Your poor first child is suffering because you can’t have a normal conversation with his dad, that alone is the main reason to leave, no matter if you think you love your partner etc. Your current partner is disrespecting you and this is probably the tip of the iceberg. He sounds absolutely awful.

Agix · 04/01/2025 08:17

How does he respond when you point out his hypocrisy?

Seems pretty simple (even if not easy). He knows his discussions with his ex wife are not totally innocent, so he is projecting that onto your discussions with your sons father.

DeepRoseFish · 04/01/2025 08:33

You have to LTB. Put your child first! He’s preventing you from having a good co parenting relationship because he’s so jealous but he’s in constant contact with his ex wife????

devilspawn · 04/01/2025 08:42

Nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with a guilty conscience.

WidgetDigit2022 · 04/01/2025 08:46

ForestFox44 · 30/12/2024 23:32

I always said he was projecting. His excuse is they were together a long time and it's hard to just cut that person out. Funny thing is I wouldn't have even been overly bothered about the odd message if he didn't give me such a hard time.

Why have you allowed a man to make your life so difficult with your ex coparent? Why are you accepting the jealousy!

The fact he’s a hypocrite is almost irrelevant. Stop allowing men to dictate what you do!

BCBird · 04/01/2025 08:46

I would think having an amicable relationship with ex partner, particularly when.there are children involved is something to celebrate rather than sabotage. As for him.texting his ex partner all the time, that would bother me. Jealousy? Deal- breaker

AuntieLemonade · 04/01/2025 10:20

Nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with control…

Swiftie1878 · 04/01/2025 12:18

Your relationship with DP sounds extremely unhealthy. Since you have a child together, it’s difficult to simply say LTB, but you should be considering your options.
It all sounds a bit toxic, and if your kids are picking up on this, it needs to be addressed either through counselling or a parting of ways.

Cherrysoup · 04/01/2025 12:32

What a hypocrite, how dare he?!

NWQM · 04/01/2025 13:23

For me he shows you all messages and displays an understanding of why you are upset.

I fear though you are just going to go round in circles. He justifies his behaviour with the exact opposite argument as to why you shouldnt contact your ex. He refuses - it would appear - to acknowledge that if you doing it upsets him then him doing it is logically going to upset you. Clearly there may be no real reason for either of you to be upset by the messages.

Big question is how otherwise is your relationship? Can you cope with his insecurity about your relationship with your ex - can you put up with this?

Do you know what you want? Him to cease all contact? Him to show you his phone.

It's really easy on here for us all to say it would be a deal breaker for us. Reading your post I would be concerned that it shows a trait in him that is concerning though .

My advice would be to carefully consider next steps. If you feel this may fester - and sounds like you do - then start to think about what splitting up looks like. You don't have to do it. Just may sure you are in as strong a position - know account numbers etc.

Tell him as clearly as you what you want to happen. Try not to be vague. You have said that if it wasn't for his attitude you wouldn't be bothered by his messaging but you need to perhaps agree boundaries - once a day or something - for both of you . He needs to say what will work for him.

You are right to be put out.

Noodles1234 · 04/01/2025 13:57

I would have serious doubts about this relationship long term. Whether your DP likes it or not you need to cultivate and maintain a good relationship with your Ex as this bodes good harmony for your DS which is important, actually both DS as regardless of father family peace is important to all. Well done for that as many find that very difficult.

Your DP is confused at best, to be in daily contact with an ex where there are no reasons to (children or outstanding assets etc), smells a bit of a rat especially the classic hiding his phone. Be cautious and I think something will come to a head eventually. Make sure you remain the leader in all this and keep your head above the unfolding drama.

Consider taking your time in future relationships, I would be wary of any future commitments too soon with who you choose as a partner next. Just look after you and your DS’s. There maybe choppy waters ahead they will need you to help them navigate.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 04/01/2025 14:50

"My current partner suffers from severe jealousy"

You'd have been justified ending it just for that. In fact, you'd have been reasonable to end it for any reason whatsoever.

You don't need any reason more than "I don't want to be in a relationship with you any more". You don't need to justify it, to yourself, to him, to anyone.

mumsickles · 04/01/2025 14:54

But you should be bothered. You should be concerned he feels he needs to contact her on a daily basis. He is telling her the things he should be sharing with you. She has become or remained his emotional support. It's called emotional cheating. He won't think anything of it as he's possibly not physical cheating but might only be a matter of time. Regardless of all this, how he behaves towards you is not on and shouldn't be accepted

changecandles · 04/01/2025 14:58

ForestFox44 · 30/12/2024 23:32

I always said he was projecting. His excuse is they were together a long time and it's hard to just cut that person out. Funny thing is I wouldn't have even been overly bothered about the odd message if he didn't give me such a hard time.

Oh I do want to hear his justifications.

He doesn't even have a dc with his ex. So you have a million times more reason to communicate with yours. Are you sure you want to be with this person. He sounds controlling, jealous, manipulative and deceitful

ShadowsOfTheDays · 04/01/2025 15:06

Love he doesn't 'suffer' with jealousy.

He is wielding it as a weapon.

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