To not want Dd to grow up and to feel down about what life will be like

[Itsallonthewordsyouuse]

I would never show her this or stifle her of course, but it’s a sadness I have inside.
We took years to have her, due to infertility, can’t have any more children.
Having her and this family life has been the hardest but also most joyous part of my life. I love family days to the zoo and the playground (appreciate lots don’t) but I think because it was just Dh and I for so long (which was lovely too, but in a different way) I don’t feel bored by this life of weekends at play centres and parks…I love it all.

I just really struggle with what family life will be like when she’s a bit older, just the three of us, what will we even do…and then when she’s grown and gone.
I know I need to stay in the moment, but those first 4 years at home and everything we did were really the happiest days ever. It just seemed to go so fast

I don’t know why I struggle so much with this, is it normal or do I need help?

You have your whole lifetime left with DD, and your relationship will change as she gets older and becomes an adult, but this isn’t a bad thing! You have lots to look forward to.

However, I’ll say this gently - you do need to have a life outside your DD too. When she’s busy with friends as a teen, goes to uni etc you need to be able to function without her. Do you have friends/hobbies? Do you and DP do things together without her? If you don’t have a life outside of her you will struggle as she gets older and also it’s an unhealthy/smothering dynamic for her as well.

From the perspective of someone who has two grown up daughters both in their early thirties now.

They now live two and one hours drive away from us, and have their own lives which includes partners and my grandchildren. I also have interests that don’t relate to the girls, and of course because of the distance we live from each other I don’t see them all the time.

Having said that though I think we still have a close but different relationship to when they were children.

We do talk everyday albeit through the medium of Messanger!

Mother and daughter trips to the theatre, cinema, spa days are still arranged.

Family holidays ( over and above holidays with my husband) are still taken two are planned for 2025 to Euro Disney and Center Parcs. We did both of these with the girls when they were little and can now introduce my grandsons to them. It’s a bit like a re run of the girls childhood!

I would just say each stage of their lives has bought challenges and rewards but I wouldn’t change a day.

I think it's natural to sometimes wish you could stop time and just stay at a stage where everything seems perfect/easy. But for most people, it's just a fleeting wistfulness. If it's more than that, and you feel that even having your 6 year old's friends over at your house is robbing you of time you could spend with her as just a family unit then I do think that's something that might need addressing perhaps?

Do you work or do volunteer work, participate in hobbies outside the home, regularly socialise with your DH and with your friends without your daughter being present?

If the answer is no, then it's time to start changing that right now. Your dd is no longer at the very dependent baby/toddler stage. At 6, she's now old enough for you to start having a life outside of her again and this is very important to do for her sake as well as yours. As others have said, it's about the quality of time spent with her, not the quantity.

If you don't have a thriving life outside of her, then in the future, it's less likely you'll have the close relationship you crave as she's likely to pull away from a mother who's made her the be all and end all of her life, it's just too much pressure.

This is all said with the best of intentions. Your role is to help her to grow into the best person she can be, and one way of doing that, is by letting her see that you're a well adjusted, balanced individual capable of balancing motherhood with having your own identity and life. Be a great role model for her!🙂

I literally already miss my boy when he's gone off to uni and gets a wife. And he's 2.
This is one of the reasons I'm working part time until he's at school so that I can get this magical time with him!

I think you have to make sure you don't let fear of the future taint your enjoyment of now. I do actually think your struggle to have a child and unfulfilled wish for more children is preventing you from from fully enjoying the very thing you waited so long for. I don't know whether some talking therapy could help with that, but maybe worth thinking about?