Married couple money Q

[WaystarRoy]

Married 25 years plus, 2 DDs now both in their 20s. DH stopped work to be caregiver when they were young (his idea) when they were older he went back to work less hours, lower salary. I always earn well (worked hard for it), but it worked for us, felt like a partnership, all good.
Recently we moved house, and for various reasons ended up having to take a lot of money out of my company account as dividends to pay for stamp duty, moving costs etc. I am freelance and had been earning very well, but have had a lean few months and do not have enough money in my business account to pay £30K tax bill due 1st Jan.

DH earns circa £40K pa and has paid nothing towards moving costs. In December 2024 DH inherited £700K.

AIBU to ask him to give me £30K to repay the dividend taken out of my company to pay for moving costs for our house?

Seriously?

This cannot be a serious question.

I’m a bit perturbed that a) you are apparently nervous/unsure about asking and b) that he hasn’t offered to repay everything that came out of the business to support the personal, family finances. Is the house in both your names?

I don't think that's unreasonable. But surely as you're a married couple who share finances, that £700k belongs to both of you and you are both going to talk about what to do with it?

Of course that's not unreasonable.

Yes, I think it's reasonable to repay a business account. Not being able to pay your taxes has serious implications.
He should want to step up.

Yes of course he should. This shouldn't even be a question.
I appreciate that inheritence is legally ringfenced, but you have always treated the two of you as a team financially so ethically he needs to do the same now.

Wouldn’t the 700k be family money? I don’t get it. Is the house in his name too?

I am glad to get the response I have. I have asked and the initial response was that the sums were supposed to all be covered, which they would have been if I had carried on earning at my usual rate.

i didn’t think I was unreasonable but wanted to check.

If you don't have other savings and the tax bill needs to be paid then it'll have to come out of the inheritance. I wouldn't phrase it as DH paying you back though - just the reality of shared finances.

No not unreasonable. I've been married 30 years, 2 grown up DC and now grandchildren. My dh has always earnt way more than me. We've had 2 fairly big inheritances relative to their time and a smaller one. From both sides of the family. We've put our money together since day one. The inheritance has never been mine or his.

Of course, everyone does their martial finances different... my own son and dil have separate accounts as an example...but at the end of the day you're a team..

I have always been the one earning all the money and dealing with all financial transactions so this is new ground for us. It feels strange to ask.

the house is in both our names and ultimately the inheritance is family money.

YANBU - if I inherited money I may do something small for myself but it would be family money to decide the purpose jointly.

However:

I am freelance and had been earning very well, but have had a lean few months and do not have enough money in my business account to pay £30K tax bill due 1st Jan.

If you’ve been earning well surely you put a proportion of money aside for tax payments? Spending tax money is a sure fire way to sink your business.

It seems a bit off to me that you have to ask. My dh has always dealt with all the finances in our family. Since the beginning of time. I have nothing to do with it. Some people will be horrified at this but it works for us. When I've received any money or inheritance, there's been no question that it's "ours" and it just goes in the pot with everything else. My dh would never have to "ask" for it.

surely if you’re a team,
you’re a team! That inheritance should without question belong to your both, if The house is also jointly owned?

Yanbu he should definitely transfer this. I think a discussion about plans for this inheritance would be a good idea going forwards so you are not continuing to pay for everything while he 'keeps' this money

I can’t believe he hadn’t immediately stepped up to pay! That’s awful.

Agree with this 100%

Cannot imagine having to go cap in hand to my DH if we were in this situation.

Good lord! Of course you are not being unreasonable. Sorry but I really have to ask - what on earth is he going to do with the rest of his massive inheritance?

This is the reason why all money should be family money .

AIBU to ask him to give me £30K to repay the dividend taken out of my company to pay for moving costs for our house?

The only circumstance in which you might be being a tad unreasonable (bear with me here) is in asking for your solution rather than the two of you discussing how your money is spent as a family. I confess that I am shocked that he is happy for you to subsidise when this are going well and has not already offered to balance things up.

Snacks of what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine too. No good, sorry.

I dont understand this weird his money her money in a long marriage. Or even a short marriage. One pot works for us.

This has to be a joke...

Either you are in it together or you are not 😮- you have paid out more and supported him with a joint pot by the sounds of it. Surely it is family money (as your higher earnings have been)
I've been married similar time to you and we have always chucked everything in one pot together- from when we first moved in and had the grand sum of knack all between us to now when we are a bit more comfortable in our middle age.
Don't you have access to the £700k?- DH's recent inheritance (less than 5% of that) was paid into our joint account.
You shouldn't even need to ask

Reverse?

Anyway high time there was a cards on the table discusion about money and lifestyle.