Married couple money Q

[WaystarRoy]

Married 25 years plus, 2 DDs now both in their 20s. DH stopped work to be caregiver when they were young (his idea) when they were older he went back to work less hours, lower salary. I always earn well (worked hard for it), but it worked for us, felt like a partnership, all good.
Recently we moved house, and for various reasons ended up having to take a lot of money out of my company account as dividends to pay for stamp duty, moving costs etc. I am freelance and had been earning very well, but have had a lean few months and do not have enough money in my business account to pay £30K tax bill due 1st Jan.

DH earns circa £40K pa and has paid nothing towards moving costs. In December 2024 DH inherited £700K.

AIBU to ask him to give me £30K to repay the dividend taken out of my company to pay for moving costs for our house?

Through various inheritances, windfalls, redundancy payments and so on, our joint money is always that. Ours.

We have had two inheritances over the last decade. One when his remaining parent died and the second when my remaining parent died. Both lots of money were regarded as "joint" money and we discussed what we were going to do with it.

I had the final say with "my" inheritance and him with "his", but the reality was that it was used to pay off the mortgage, replace ageing cars, install double glazing, replace the boiler, sort out the pointing, have a couple of nice holidays and boost the joint savings account.

It was not my money or his money, it was our money.

The inheritance should pay the tax and then go towards payjng the mortgage off

You aren't being unreasonable. If he hasn't volunteered to pay then he is being unreasonable. Seems peculiar that he would be hesitant tbh or that you would need to ask. No asking required. Where is the inheritance? I'm hoping it's in an account/ accounts under joint names.

Can you afford this house? What if business doesn't pick up for you?

To answer questions, it was a unique set of timing circumstances that led me to take money out of my account to pay house costs. I do usually have plenty money for tax.
We are mortgage free.

I have work lined up for 2025.
We do need to discuss the inheritance money and family money.
Probate has just happened, and my tax bill is due in two days.

I felt uncomfortable asking for money as I never have had to before,
I do feel the inheritance will be our money.

Does he even know that you don't have your tax money if you usually handle the family finances? And that business has not been as brisk as expected.

If not, I'd start there. The MN posse may be misjudging him.

Presume you've spoken to your accountant about how it will work to have an incoming personal loan etc?

In a divorce situation, inheritance is excluded from the pooling and subsequent division of assets as long as none of it has been used to benefit the family so a family holiday, home improvements etc At that point the whole lot would then be seen as joint money. If he knows this already he may wish to be careful not to spend it in such a way that it could be considered joint, which it would, if he gave it to you to pay your tax bill.
Any reason he might be thinking in this way? £40k salary isn't peanuts but obviously he may feel financially disadvantaged (pension wise savings etc) compared to you.