Playing Nice: to think you'd know the baby wasn't yours?

[lover99]

Just seen the trailer for Playing Nice on ITV where the premise is that the babies were switched on accident and the couples left the hospital with the wrong infant.

Am I being unreasonable to think that you would know instinctively that the baby wasn't related to either of you?

I think I'd want both children. I couldn't imagine giving away the baby I'd been caring for. But i also can imagine not wanting my bio child

All this has reminded me of my Nannies reaction when I had DS2. She was so convinced I was having a girl that she told my dad they must have swapped my baby by mistake!

I was afraid of this for weeks before the birth; as well as stillbirth, infant birth injuries, baby theft and a raft of other rational and wildly irrational things that might somehow take my baby away. DH was firmly briefed that even if I was dying, he was not to leave DS's side for a second until he was healthy and home. I watched him trail around the operating theatre following the midwife until he could get hold of DS, he was amazed that DS knew his voice to turn to him throughout, and DH didn't leave us alone for over 24 hours until I had catheters removed and felt robust enough. I still startled awake in horror when someone medical tried to pick him up after that, but I grabbed him first. No idea who they were, while I sat clutching him they said hip check, so I let them while I held his hands and they filled in a form then gratefully ran away. I coslept from that moment even in hospital. I don't think there is any way DS could have been swapped, and everything about him has always felt familiar. The anxiety died off once we got home, but it was really intense looking back on it.

I can well imagine it's a complete nightmare for families who find thia out and know for sure that I would want to have both children if I found this out. I feel I would be unable to be entirely happy with either the genetic or the raised baby left away from me.

Oh, what a lovely thing to say, how kind of you.

I absolutely agree, of course, but I suppose what I meant is that people often think maternal instinct is a result of the biological processes of pregnancy and childbirth and something you can't acquire by nurture.

DD looked like a little bald version of DH so I think I would have known if they had given me a different one

I have wondered if this happens

I've always thought this must be fairly common?

After my childbirth experience, you could have handed me a bag of spuds and I'd have been none the wiser

When I had dd, later that evening after Dh had gone home, one of the HCA’s offered to take her for a few minutes to walk her around the ward as she wouldn’t stop crying and I was stuck in bed, bleeding with a catheter in. It was dark, I’d been awake nearly 60 hours by that point, they could have handed me a cat back and I don’t think I would have noticed until later on. I sometimes think “oh god, why did I let her do that, she could have stolen her or swapped her”. Thankfully dd is definitely ours (and pictures prove she is the same baby I gave birth to!)

I can well imagine this happening!

There's an episode on the BBC podcast The Gift where this did happen. I'm sure it has at other times, they realised due to a DNA test.

I would have known, my baby was quite distinctive looking but not all are.

There was an episode on Long Lost Family which covered two cases of this. One was where a maternity ward was evacuated and when went back into hospital babies were accidentally swapped and another case was in Italy where when it was discovered the families had to swap the young children back but the families ended up always living near each other so the girls could pop between the 2 families

I was taken away from my mum, after emergency section due to placental abruption. She didn't see me for a couple of days. To this day I've hoped there was a mix up. In case I had a chance at better parents (life long abuse).
The genetics themselves with my sisters both being blond and blue eyed just like them. I’m first born very dark hair with dark eyes. Neither parent had either.
I wish this way enough to be able to separate myself out from them

I am enjoying the vast majority of messages in this thread dispelling one of those make-new-mums-feel-like-shit myths that unless they lack maternal instinct they can identify the newborn baby they may have only seen for a few minutes, whilst drugged up and knackered, from all the other babies.

Well I finally got round to watching today. Binged and currently towards the end of ep 3. So no spoilers on the ending please 🤣

Fascinated to know though - WWYD??? If you found out that your baby was swapped would you try to carry on like nothing happened or fight for both or swap?

I have no idea what I'd do...

I doubt I would. I know my daughter is mine because the family resemblance is undeniable, but not all children are carbon copies of their parents. If you bring a child up, they are going to have a lot of similarities to you and you'll always find things, eye colour, jaw line, face shape, that are close enough to yours.

Nail polish on their big toes

and keep id tag on for a while

and don’t dress the same

or if do then similar and one wear blue socks other red

or pink and yellow socks

im a mn and suggest the above to parents

also to try and keep same skdes

so one always on left. One on right iyswim

I’ve looked after think 2 sets of identical twins - 3rd set is coming very soon 👶🏼👶🏼

DS1 - yes, but not from instinct exactly. I saw him immediately after he was born (by section) and even though I was knackered and drugged up he was fairly distinctive, with lots of very fine, platinum-blond hair, and both long and skinny. He still is fair-haired, tall and slim.

DS2 - I'm not sure. He looked more generically baby, balder, redder, scrunched-up looking (not section, and section babies look less battered!). If he'd been taken away soon after he was born I can't be 100% sure I'd have noticed a few hours later. However, he was tagged immediately after birth and not carted off anywhere away from me, so I didn't have to worry about it then, and he's now growing up with quite distinctive features from DH and an unusual chin shape from my Grandad and brother, so I'm not going to start worrying about it now.

General anaesthetic c-section, baby to NICU and didn't "meet" her for ~6 hours, they could have handed me any baby and I would have had no clue. Even now months down the track I don't see any resemblance of me in her, but other people comment on it all the time. I don't know whether they're just being polite though!

I have always assumed there’s a lot of flux with identical twins, and the names aren’t fixed on a particular child until they are old enough to know their own names themselves.

My son was born via a very long difficult labour. His face was very bruised and swollen and this actually subsided quite quickly and he looked very different when I returned from post labour surgery.

In addition I was in extremely poor shape due to pain, exhaustion and stress.

I can very much believe this would happen.

Furthermore, a baby swap at the hospital occurred in the small community my mother grew up in. First world country, but not the UK. One mother had her doubts and expressed them to her doctor and the hospital, over a number of years. They thought she was nuts. This was before DNA testing, but blood tests confirmed that she was right.

This is based on a true story in the USA. I have already seen the film and the series is very similar. I think it was called Someone Else’s Child staring Lisa Hartman Black

Luckily, mine were with me or dh after being born so I know they’re mine. Straight forward birth, for DS, I didn’t even go to the ward as went home straight after so wasn’t switched at all.
Also as we (parents) are both black, it’ll be rare to have a baby born at the same time in a British hospital to 2 black parents so if they’d switched them, we would have known within a week that this isn’t our baby, the other parents would have known as well.
I always think about this because it took me more than a day to notice features that made me recognise them, babies look so identical at birth and can be mistaken.

It's based on a book, not a true story. Isn't it?

I honestly don't know. I can't imagine being happy to hand over the baby I'd raised for 2/3 years and loved. But I also can't imagine not wanting to know my biological child. I imagine the other mum would feel the same. Probably the dads too.

I thought it was a true story? There have been a lot of these stories happening in the USA
This is another true story
Regina Twigg