AIBU - golf?

[MissScarletInTheBallroom]

(Lighthearted.)

Based on every single thread I've ever read which mentions a DH/DP playing golf, AIBU to think that you don't marry or have kids with a man who plays golf, and if your DH decides to take up golf, you divorce him pronto?

It seems like this activity was invented purely to enable selfish lazy men who aren't fit enough to do a real sport to avoid family life.

AIBU?

I passed a golf course on Christmas Eve, saw two guys playing and thought of MN...

But it's not the sport it's the person. It could be darts, snooker, boozing and it's not limited to men, although men are much much more likely to dip out of home life.

I had a friend a few years older than me, he and his wife went to church They retired and he got hooked on helping others and the life of the church:the afternoon teas for the elderly, the visiting the sick in hospital. He had cancer and she carried on with the visiting, the church coffee morning, running the mothers union, as he got sicker there daughter was taking time off work to take him to hospital as his wife was too busy.

He died. His wife wanted to change the time of the funeral because it clashed with coffee morning....her daughter no longer speaks to her

The benefits for you might be huge. The problem with golf is that it so often seems to have a negative impact for other people in the golfer's life.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom don't you think that adults in relationships should be allowed to participate in any activities solely for pleasure or to improve their mental health?

I played 4 holes with my dh and some of our kids on Christmas Day (didn’t have time for more). Dh is the captain of our local club this year so does spend a great deal of time there at the moment but didn’t take it up until the kids were older, we have none at home full time any more so it’s very rarely issue and he does pull back when he realises he’s been a bit too often

Yes, but there is such a thing as a healthy balance. I haven't had the pleasure of a long term relationship with a woman but my intuition tells me that whilst it is good to have separate interests (you are not joined at the hip), there is such a thing as going too far. If you are regularly spending hours away from home indulging in hobbies (or developing social networks) leaving your wife holding the baby to the point she feels neglected/frustrated, that means it has gone too far. A marriage is a partnership team is it not, with give and take on both sides?

Claiming someone is spending too long away from the family unit does not equate to claiming they should spend no time on their hobbies?

Sure, as long as both people are getting equal hobby time. The problem is that golf widows never seem to.

They get the house to themselves and a bit of peace and quiet if they haven’t got school age kids. I never heard my mum complain once.

If you don't have young kids and you prefer it when your husband is out of the house then sure, but why are you married?

Dunno. But they were very happily married for over 64 years so I guess they got something right and it worked for them.

My DH would not get away with it. He needs to exercise so he takes brisk walks, way better than walking leisurely during hours at a golf course. It's no more exercise than going shopping.

I would argue my marriage is so successful BECAUSE we're not tied at the hip. Four hours apart on a sunday morning does not mean we don't enjoy each other's company! I regularly go on city breaks with friends because it's not my husband's cup of tea, but it doesn't mean we don't like each other. We both have full lives and enrich one another's.

Absolutely agree about it being a great opportunity to relax with friends without the pressure to drink, btw. Sure, some will be in the club for hours afterwards, but that's indicative of the man, not the game. My husband drives to and from the golf course so there's no alcohol involved.

The only thing that gets me slightly is the club fees. We're probably a grand a year for membership. But I figure I spend that equivalent in other ways.

I saw two men playing golf on Christmas Day. I guess they jumped over the wall as the entrance gates to the club were locked. I did wonder how they could be bothered (I'm no sports fan, if it isn't obvious)!

DW said the only things she would put her foot down about were golf (her DM was a "golf widow") and fishing.

I have never done either.

YANBU.

My husband plays golf (very well!) and I can’t begrudge him a few hours walking around beautiful places with his best mates, catching up on life and enjoying something he excels at. But when he’s at home he easily does his fair share of parenting, husbanding and housekeeping and really looks after us all, I’d feel differently if he was just buggering off out all day and leaving me with a stack of stuff to do. He did play less when our kids were little and these days he tees off early on weekends and is home by 1/2pm.

Watching bloody golf though.. drives me MAD!

Well that’s on them, isn’t it?

He goes out for a few hours, you get to go out for a few hours. It’s healthy.

My dh plays golf. I have absolutely no issue with it.

Ridiculous, happy people make happy partners and parents. V important to exercise and especially for men to spend time with other men and socialise. V controlling to try and reign them in , and get your own sport/ hobby!

A proper round of golf is not ‘a leisurely walk’. I get between 5 and 10 miles in depending on the course (the 10 mile one involves a lot of elevation too).

If you’re ’leisurely’ the people behind you will be up your chuff and pissed off at you.

DH is a golf nut, it never used to bother me because it was good for him & I liked the time on my own. The problem is now we have had our first DC this year and he hasn't really toned it down & doesn't see why he should, so I agree with PP saying it's not the golf it's the prioritising over family life that is the issue!

Yeah that doesn't seem to be how it is working for a lot of these women.

I play golf, love it. Gets me away from work and outside with nice people. Golf is not the problem. I often play nine holes, change my shoes, wash my hands and leave the clubhouse because that’s all I have time for.

I don’t see many members out for the whole day at my course.

DH plays golf, less since welcoming our child and hardly at all since I became pregnant again and have been unwell. When he plays, he leaves straight away to get back and relieve me from solo parenting asap. The amount of stick he gets for this from the other men is unbelievable- name calling, telling him he must be under my thumb, etc. It seems most of the men there are avoiding their families and cannot comprehend that he wants to get back to his.

But again, that IS on them, unless their husbands are forbidding them from doing things, in which case golf is definitely not the problem. If you have a healthy, grown up, mutually respectful relationship, having hobbies is a very positive thing!

When you have young DC that can be really hard to fit in but somehow men always do while the women can't. And how can it "be on them", are they supposed to up and leave their children on their own to spend time on hobbies?