When do you ever get housework done?

[chippytea33]

Two kids. One toddler, one tween. Tween spends time out of the house with friends etc but toddler is always with me, unless she's at nursery but then I'm at work.

My house is drowning in shit. Not just Christmas mess (although that has exacerbated it but it was bad before). I need a massive declutter and a deep clean. I need to pull stuff out of wardrobes and cupboards, sort them into donation/bin piles and then clean out the cupboards and the skirtings and the windows. In every single room of the house.

But I never get chance. I keep on top of basic cleaning by sticking her in front of the iPad for half an hour here or there but it's not long enough to get into any of the big stuff.

We have no help with childcare. The only option i have is to book leave on a day she's at nursery but I barely have any leave as it is and don't want to spend it cleaning.

I can't be the only one who struggles with this. How do other people cope?

I would expect your tween definitely to help, and you can give the toddler simple tasks too. Cleaning should be a family activity where everyone takes part. We used to do it en masse Saturday morning.

😂 what nonsense. Many toddlers are completely absorbed often building mega bloks or whatever. Leave them to it.

We both work FT and pay a cleaner. No other cleaning is done, other than the usual wipeovers, and laundry.

I mean he can declutter but a lot of it is my stuff (clothes etc) and I don't really want him making the decision on what gets kept, sold and binned.

Yes he could take toddler out but I work part time and he works FT so I tend to get this stuff done on my days off, weekends are already taken up with other stuff.

Probably going to have to be a day annual leave.

@Ficklebricks thank you for that, I just can't get it done with my toddler around but there seems to be a lot of exceptionally cooperative toddlers on this thread.

Little and often and cupboard by cupboard does sound more manageable.

Clean around her / let her "help". We do also have a cleaner fortnightly which helps keep on top of it

I had a two year split between mine, now 19 and 17. Honestly, I used to just get on with it which isn't meant to sound patronising. I'd get out some toys next to the area I was cleaning or clearing, put on a movie or show and spend half an hour/hour on one area. I'd do one per day. When DH was home, he or I would tackle bigger jobs alone, or get the kids involved in tasks. I do keep a clutter free home and always made sure I stayed on top of that which made things much easier.
I'd say, if you are struggling, make a list of what you need to do and commit to time per day doing it. Doesn't have to be huge lengths of time. Hire a cleaning company for a deep clean after the declutter and then make sure you are ruthless about keeping shit you don't need. You can do it!

First off, don't beat yourself up! For Xmas stuff, can you guys tag team? One watches the kids whilst the other gets Xmas stuff taken down? Then that's one job done. This year, we put the tree up two days before Xmas (small place, four cats) and took it down yesterday. I didn't put other decs up (because...small place/cats). Took us about 15mins to dismantle tree, box up and put in attic. We have accumulated/saved the Amazon gift bags and re-use these each year (easier than wrapping paper and less waste), so that's also helped. I used to go full on with decs around the house, but then it'd take me bloody ages to get them all down.

I just sort of did things as I went along. So smaller quicker tasks, rather than bigger tasks. DC1 was a piece of cake and would happily fall in with stuff (as a baby/toddler). DC2 was the total opposite - little whirlwind!! Luckily though, there is a nearly 7yr age gap between them. When they were tiny, I'd pop the baby/toddler in a playpen with some toys and TV on, whilst I blitzed stuff quickly. I work FT so have to fit the tasks around work/parenting etc, so I get how tricky it can be. DC are older now, so they just get on and help me out. My place is definitely not a show home, and I do need to keep on top of clutter as it is a small place, but it's clean at least, and mostly tidy. I use the Sweepy app for the basics (and get the DC to use this too). Unfuck your habitat app was good for quick stuff too.

I also use gadgets to help: robovac for upstairs and one for downstairs (they hoover and mop floors each day); breadmaker; Instant Pot and Thermomix for meals/meal prep; dishwasher; tumble drier. I batch cook/freeze stuff when I can. I'm on my own with the DC, so this stuff really helps me (and helps decrease the mental load). Having the Robovacs REALLY help to keep floors looking spotless (we have four cats) and it also encourages us to keep floors tidy (and mostly clear of clutter). One of my friends suggested I got them: she has them, but she also has a cleaner coming in weekly. I can't afford the cleaner, but my DPs left me a bit of money so was able to get these gadgets in recent years.

For decluttering your things, what about: having a bag (even a shopping carrier bag) in your room that you put something into every other day? When bag full, put in car boot...then every couple of weeks, take to charity shop/clothes recycling bin/wherever? I'm actually going to need to do something like that myself soon, as my wardrobe is really annoying me! In the spring/summer, I want to get up to attic and start sorting through stuff in there. Good luck though...and remember even the small tasks make a difference over time and each one is a win :)

Does your toddler have their own room or do they share with you? To de clutter my wardrobe/bedroom (I agree wouldn't let DH lose on sorting my clothes) I do when youngest is in bed. Most of my proper cleaning/digging out is done on am evening

I've never really understood the drama with this sort of thing to be honest - I have been a single parent to 3 since twins were 12 months old - working full time - do a room per evening once the kids in bed - longer blitz at weekend - clean when they are there / around them

My house is a tip. Not helped by actually acquiring some much needed furniture and kitchen items before Christmas and not enough time to sort it, Christmas, various illnesses we’ve all had and a DH who doesn’t do housework anymore (previously did 50% and I’m dealing with him).
I write a list on my phone of small jobs then when I got a few minutes I do one of the jobs. Progress is slow but visible.

Break it into more manageable chunks. You don’t need to declutter the house in one go. Choose one room. Set a 15 minute timer. Then declutter one drawer in that room or some other small part of it. If you have lots of clothes in the wardrobe, on day one sort them so all the dresses are together, skirts, shirts, etc. The next day, sort through all your dresses and chose what to declutter. On the third day, go through all your pants or skirts. Before you know it, things will be looking much better.

i like to work with 2 clothes baskets. One for stuff that can go straight in the bin, another one for things that need to be moved to another room. Also have a donate bag with you. Then once a week on your way somewhere drop the donate bag off to a charity shop.

if you listen to podcasts, “the art of decluttering” is good.

Yes he could take toddler out but I work part time and he works FT so I tend to get this stuff done on my days off, weekends are already taken up with other stuff.

They’re days off from paid out-of-the-house work, when you’re then doing childcare. If decluttering with the toddler around isn’t feasible, then it’s perfectly reasonable to ask the child’s dad to use some of his days off from paid-out-of-the-house work to wrangle the kids. You say you ‘tend to get this stuff done on your days off’ but you don’t, do you? That’s why you started the thread!

Probably going to have to be a day annual leave.

Or your DH and the weekend plan. Start there then decide if it’s annual-leave-worthy.

If it’s really bad and getting you down can you book your toddler in to nursery for a one off extra session or two? Then dedicate that day to really tackling it

As you work part-time, Can you put your toddler in for an extra day or two at nursery? I’m in australia so it might be different but I could usually request an extra day if needed. There are usually kids away on holidays or off sick, so they might have room to fit in an extra child on occasion. It might be worth asking, and better than using up your annual leave.

I have an 18 minth old who has been walking since 10 months and always my shadow in the house, so he just comes with me where I am when I do housework. Obviously deep cleaning with bleach etc is done when he's napping or in the evening when he's in bed but otherwise he's around when I clean and tidy. Makes it a bit harder having to stop him grabbing things but I tend to give him a brush or something and he "helps" or gets bored and toddler off and back again while I get on.

My husband does alot of the housework when he's not at work too so it's something we can keep on top of, ironically better than before we had a kid.

I mean, it's not a drama. It's a discussion. But well done to you, you are coping much better than me.

Could put dd in nursery for extra sessions but it would cost. Definitely going to listen to a few of these podcasts and try and do it in smaller manageable chunks.

It is possible to clean with your toddler there, it just depends whether you want to do it or not.
We had no TV when mine were toddlers and there was no iPad or whatever to dump them in front of. I just had to accept things were slower but at least they got done.

Clean a bedroom? Toddlers came too. They'd generally crawl under the beds, bounce on the clothing pile and look in drawers but they were chatty and occupied. Occasionally they'd help - put socks in drawers as directed, all help pull covers off the bed, drag to the laundry basket, help pile things in the washing machine. Slowly they get used to the routine, and are more cooperative as time goes by because it's become a regular thing.

I used to organise my days so that housework was in the morning, then usually a walk or some time outdoors or shops later. Calmer playtime came after lunch, as I would have a break from t he jobs and spend time with the children (Lego, reading stories to them etc). Mine dropped their daytime sleeps so early on that I had no choice.

One things I also noticed was that very small children need attention and the more I tried to fob them off with something else to occupy them, the more needy they were. So instead I would expect them to be with me and join in everything I did; after a while they would have had enough "attention" and wander off to play on their own for a while. Which meant I could crack on with something for 40 minutes or so until they wandered back again.
It is hard work with little ones, but it does pass.

Can your DH take the toddler off somewhere for a weekend? E.g. he could go and visit his family?

Sometimes you've got to throw money at the situation. I've started to pay people to put up flat packs, decorate and do maintenance gardening. In two years time, life will be different. I'd think about paying your tween for housework. It's something that you've got to agree on with your DH, because between you, you have time. Going forward, be ruthless about what you are bringing in the house. The links are good, you start to look at stuff and think if you want it more than other things you have and if you want to give it house room. Budgeting for something can really stop the spending on stuff.

Tidy and declutter as you go.
Our motto in our house is don't put it down, put it away. If it doesn't need to be kept then get rid of it, bin or charity shop.
I do it with child in tow, get them involved or they just have to manage whilst I'm doing something.

I had 4 DKs,lots of animals, huge garden, worked ft nights nursing. DH born in the 50s, sarf London, didn't "do" housework. I grew up in a chaotic messy house, I can't live like that, I have the "a place for everything, everything in its place" mantra . I'm not a minimalist. Everything is tidied as I go, no massive deep clean or de cluttering needed.

This Christmas I've found we've got into a really good habit of just not letting stuff accumulate ie putting stuff away and cleaning as we go. Example...go out for walk needing hats and gloves. Arrive home and normally get taken off and dumped on side. Not now..straight back into drawer where they're kept.
No piles of washing up, do straightaway ditto laundry....and put immediately away, don't leave in clean piles.

I was just about to use the same motto as you

One child is very messy (common areas is full of ONE person's stuff) and other isn't. I just lower my standards. I've told everyone to no avail. Sometimes i get into an epileptic rage (usually when there's no table space to put dinner down) and everyone starts tidying up, so that helps.