When do you ever get housework done?

[chippytea33]

Two kids. One toddler, one tween. Tween spends time out of the house with friends etc but toddler is always with me, unless she's at nursery but then I'm at work.

My house is drowning in shit. Not just Christmas mess (although that has exacerbated it but it was bad before). I need a massive declutter and a deep clean. I need to pull stuff out of wardrobes and cupboards, sort them into donation/bin piles and then clean out the cupboards and the skirtings and the windows. In every single room of the house.

But I never get chance. I keep on top of basic cleaning by sticking her in front of the iPad for half an hour here or there but it's not long enough to get into any of the big stuff.

We have no help with childcare. The only option i have is to book leave on a day she's at nursery but I barely have any leave as it is and don't want to spend it cleaning.

I can't be the only one who struggles with this. How do other people cope?

For big cleans & decluttering, I do book days off sometimes. We also don't have help with childcare so it's the only option, especially if we want to redecorate or move any furniture around

I have four boys ranging from 18 to 10months and I honestly don't think I have ever struggled to keep the house clean and tidy. I just keep on top of it every day and tidy as I go. I am a bit anal when it comes to a tidy house though so it's never had the chance to build up.

Hey Op, you said 'we' in your post, do you have a partner?

I have an hour between the school run and me having to leave for work so I use that to do the kitchen, vacuum and do the bathroom.
Laundry goes in before I go to bed and comes out before school.
Anything else gets done on a Sunday afternoon or in the evenings after school and work.

They do, it’s just we’re all different. Depression to me is clutter, mess and untidiness. I have 4 children the 3 youngest were all one after the other so 3 under 3 and baby had colic and reflux. But you better believe my house was done 7 days a week. My midwife was concerned for me as she said had never seen a house so clean and tidy.

Life’s short and I’m told my house will be there when I’m not. This is all true and is there probably a need for half the things I do, probably not. But I do get genuine happiness from how presentable my house is and it never fails to amuse me that people can’t understand how I manage to keep my house the way I do. My friends are actually all similar aside from 1 and have very high standards. Those I know who live in clutter and chaos get really down about it but often don’t have the heart to make a start.

Your older child is your secret weapon OP. They can either help you or play with the toddler whilst you get stuff done. Assuming that you don't have a partner.

You have to decide what’s most important to you time or money. It’s cheaper for me to pay somebody £30 an hour to clean my house that it is for me to take a day off to clean my house so that’s what I do.
I had this exact conversation with a relative and they nearly passed out at the idea of paying somebody so they’re cleaning their own house.

Yes we are the same as you and OP. Generally we manage to keep the essential jobs ticking along without the house being vile and we will stay up late to do it if needed, if we have invited people over the next day for example. However theres absolutely no give time wise for any bigger jobs and if one or more of us becomes unwell, it becomes a shit hole for a bit then admittedly. Our kids are 6, 3 and 2 months. It was fine when we only had one kid, and after the newborn phase it was pretty much ok after DC2 as well although still hardly had time for the big jobs. But I've noticed the housework burden dramatically increase since we had our third in ways I hadn't really considered. Im hoping it will get easier as they get bigger when they're not needing to be fed as much (breastfed) and when they can sit and play with toys for a few minutes etc.

I hate it but I just think this is a season and when they're all older we can have a nicer house again!

I hope your tween is helping with some age appropriate chores btw OP? They should definitely be chipping in a little at that age. My 6yo already helps with some small, age appropriate tasks and even my 3yo is expected to help tidy up toys.

No could never clean with a toddler in the house. Mine either cried hysterically or destroyed something/did something dangerous while I had my back turned. Wasn't possible. I would take a day of A/L. It gets better when they're at school.

It is hard, I sympathise. I had a very active toddler and as I was tidying up, he would be pulling more things out. And I don’t think it is handy for people with 5 bedroom houses to boast about how everything has its place and how immaculate their house is. It is much easier to keep a huge house free of clutter than a small house/flat. I can only second the opinions to try and get your partner involved. One for you takes the toddler out for the morning, the other one does a room. Good luck!

I hope your DH also took a day of leave?

Do you have a partner? What’s he doing?

I worked out very quickly that I had quite "biddable" kids.

when I was hoovering they'd get a duster and do the skirting boards, a soft brush and "dust" the door moldings etc. I went round a friend's and as fast as she was picking up the mess, it was being created anew behind her - opened my eyes, never felt so lucky.

I'm the same OP, I feel like I'm drowning in housework even with two teens and a helpful DH. For me I think I get a bit mentally stuck and can't see the wood for the trees, then literally nothing gets done because it gets out of hand. Before Xmas, I paid a cleaner to do just 4 hours in total. I can't afford it as an ongoing thing but it helped me to get back into the right frame of mind to maintain the cleanliness after she'd been. If I can just keep the motivation up now! It's bloody hard work though.

One of us does the job, whatever it is, and one of us takes the dc out.

Dh does help with the housework and he does almost all of the cooking so he definitely pulls his weight, but I'm talking about a full declutter of clothes, toys, general household shit and I don't trust him to do it, it has to be me 😂

Getting the toddler involved is a nice idea in theory but she just makes it take ten times longer and gets into all the mess as I'm trying to clear it. I need to crack on without any distractions really. It has got to this stage because we've accumulated more and more stuff and never had the time to get rid of anything but I think I need one massive cull then to keep on top of it from there.

Then a day or two off while she's at nursery is the answer. Then try and keep on top of it. As one thing comes in, something has to go out to make space.

Of course he can declutter. No sympathy if you insist that it has to be you that does it. As I posted up thread DH would declutter DD’s wardrobe whilst I took them swimming and then I would do DS’s whilst DH did bath and bedtime.

If he can’t declutter then he can take the toddler out of the house.

Lots of halo polishing going on in this thread. You're not at all weird OP. Most mums I know struggle in exactly the same way, please remember that Mumsnet is not representative and people are prone to exaggerating their perfection in cleaning threads.

Like PPs have suggested try breaking it down into one cupboard / shelf / tiny corner here and there. While little one is in the bath you can clear out the medicine cabinet. Chuck some building blocks on the bedroom floor, let them play for 20 minutes while you clean out your socks draw. It all adds up and over a month you could achieve a lot. I appreciate it's the last thing you feel like doing after a hard day's work though, so try and keep your goals very small and manageable. Little and often goes a long way.

Well in that case, surely it's a very simple answer - he takes toddler out somewhere whilst you declutter?

DC with ex today so I've grabbed the opportunity.

I've spring cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the fridge, washed the kitchen floor, done loads of washing, made lunch, some soup and a pasta sauce for this evening. And some gardening.

Normally I do housework early on a Sunday morning, while dc still asleep.

The truth is if you clean "properly" with your child around then that means you are not "properly" looking after your child and vice versa. Anyone that says otherwise is just talking nonsense. Yes you can get basics done but not proper proper stuff. Either wait until she is older, or find childcare, or give up caring like I have.

Marie Kondo book is great for decluttering tips

Clean little and often

So if I am wiping down the counters in the kitchen while also talking to my daughter who is playing the drums on my pots, I'm not properly caring for her?