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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think not paying your friends back quickly is poor form?

46 replies

gremi · 30/12/2024 14:24

Went on a week away with some friends. They paid us late for the cottage. Slightly annoying but no biggie.

On the last day of the holiday we put lunch on our card and got tickets to an excursion. So the friends owe us about £100. We went on holiday the last week of November. They have text twice to say they’d pay us back the next day and have not done it.

AIBU to think it’s poor form? I suspect they’ve over stretched themselves as they live a very flash lifestyle.

OP posts:
Original poster
gremi · 30/12/2024 14:34

I think I’d even prefer if they just said “sorry can I pay you back in January?”

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 30/12/2024 14:36

Of course it is poor form. But if they aren't repaying then all you can do is remind and never ever pay for anything again

ShortyShorts · 30/12/2024 14:36

Yeah but you need to keep on at them.

I'm guessing you'll have to say something like "I need it back within the next few minutes" and then resend your bank details.

Shocking behaviour though.

Eldermillennial2024 · 30/12/2024 14:40

Yes it's poor form. I'd feel embarrassed to remind them but they're the ones who should be embarrassed. Remind them. If they can't pay now it's not going to get any easier towards the end of the month.

Plastictrees · 30/12/2024 14:43

Yes it’s terrible and I’d never be in a position where they owed me money again.

Volumedelachanel · 30/12/2024 14:46

Absolutely terrible behaviour. why did you put lunch and tickets on your card? They could have paid for themselves.

hattie43 · 30/12/2024 15:12

Very poor form

WaltzingWaters · 30/12/2024 15:18

Yes, very poor form. Last year I did a trip with a large group of friends and the accommodation cost £3,500 in total (only £300 per person). I paid it but some took ages to send me the money. All trusted and knew they would eventually, but I did have to eventually remind some of them, which I hated doing!

Spirallingdownwards · 30/12/2024 15:23

Message them. Say just doing my end of month finances and notice the payment hadn't come through. Can you transfer it now please so I can update my spreadsheet Thanks. (Hopefully if a couple and they both messaged they may have assumed the other already did it!)

Peaceloveandhappiness · 30/12/2024 15:24

Never a lender or a borrower be - I need to take my own advice, a week now since did some shopping for next door neighbour, they owe us £62 and said will repay cash, sigh. Felt sorry for them as they text asking for some shopping, elderly couple. After we agreed they asked for a bottle of vodka and 3 x 20 box of cigarettes 😂. My New Year Resolution is to tell them have done our shopping, not going out again, repeat, repeat. Hope you get your money back.

Manthide · 05/01/2025 11:31

@Peaceloveandhappiness so true. I lent someone who was going through a hard time and needed to go to the hospital a lot (or that's what she told me) money for a taxi home. Buses are rubbish here and finish early. She insisted she'd pay me back as soon as she was paid and I didn't like leaving her potentially stranded late at night. I realise now I was probably paying for her bf's weed habit! It was £20 here, £20 there. And I've never had a penny back and it totalled over £200 before I said no! I obviously have mug written all over my face. Well you live and learn.

devilspawn · 05/01/2025 11:44

Automatically schedule a daily whatsapp/text message reminding them until you get it back.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/01/2025 12:02

"I suspect they’ve over stretched themselves as they live a very flash lifestyle."

Well, now you know how they manage this.

But living a very flash lifestyle is not an excuse they can rely on.

"Dear Friends.
You still owe us £100 for lunch and the excursion tickets (break it down if ness) . I am so stressed and embarrassed to have to keep on asking you to repay me, but I really do need the money to be repaid today as I cannot afford to subsidize you.
My bank details are xyz. "

Hotflushesandchilblains · 05/01/2025 12:24

Its rubbish. I go on trips with a friend regularly and we use the splitwise app - it is so helpful to keep track and everyone can see where things are with payments and settling up.

talktalk66 · 05/01/2025 14:19

I think it's more than poor form! Poor form is putting it politely, I would stop being polite now and demand the money back for the pure fact that they are disrespecting you and having no regard for your friendship. No matter how hard up they are, they should pay you back first before they buy anything else. This type of behaviour really winds me up, the same as when friends are always late for everything, assuming that their time is more precious than yours.

ohtowinthelottery · 05/01/2025 14:50

We frequently book things with another couple or go out for meals. One pays and sends a WhatsApp with the amount owed to the others. Debts always settled the same day.
The only time I didn't get payment straight away was when I was booking an independent trip abroad so there were multiple bookings and payments for flights, train fares, entry fees, accommodation all done over a few weeks. I told my friends I would stick it all on my credit card and total it up once everything was booked. But as soon as it was totalled, payment was made immediately. I always trust my friends to pay. You now know you can't trust yours so if you do anything with them again get payment up front or let them pay.

WigglyVonWaggly · 05/01/2025 14:59

YANBU. To me, when people are bought tickets, meals etc on the understanding it will be sorted later, that means the same or next day. It certainly doesn’t mean chasing weeks or months later and broken promises that ‘I’ll do it when I’m paid next week.’

People shouldn’t be borrowing money without saying that they aren’t actually in a position to pay it back quickly - they need to mention it so the lender can be sure if they can manage without the money themselves and agree a time for when it will be repaid.

When I’ve had friends do this, I’ve just stopped lending them anything because of the embarrassment it causes me to have to effectively beg and pester to get my money back. There’s a big difference between knowingly paying for tickets / a flight with the expectation that the friend has the money ready to transfer back and knowing you’re lending money to someone who doesn’t have any and needs helping out financially with a loan for several months.

WigglyVonWaggly · 05/01/2025 15:02

Also, I think it’s time to get curt. ‘Hi friend. We’re still waiting on the £100 for the meal in November. Can you transfer that to us today, please. Thanks.’

No saying ‘sorry’ or explaining why you need your own money back or any light little jokes about it being a tough time of year. They’ve been asked several times and are bloody rude. It needs spelling out that they are now taking the piss so it needs to be a firm request with a deadline.

OurDreamLife · 05/01/2025 15:11

Why didn’t they pay for their own expenses? Is not be doing anything money related again, it would be separate payments or upfront.

mondaytosunday · 05/01/2025 15:22

Learned from experience be er to book until I had the cash sent. My friend handled it well when booking a cottsge for her birthday. She told us all exactly how much it would be when she asked us to come, then asked us all to get her the money by X date otherwise she'd lose the booking. She said she couldn't book unless we had all paid.

BMW6 · 05/01/2025 15:24

Ring them NOW and tell them you need to be repaid without any further delay.

Get angry!

Rocksaltrita · 05/01/2025 15:58

They’re not friends. What a crap way to treat you. I always pay up immediately - nothing worse than people thinking you owe them! I’d be mortified in their shoes.

Jumell · 05/01/2025 16:03

Very poor form

Original poster
gremi · 14/01/2025 19:55

They’ve promised to pay and we’ve nudged… but nothing

OP posts:
DeliciousApples · 14/01/2025 20:06

When is their pay day? I'd be on them that day. Realistically there isn't much point before that if they are skint.

Never help them again. They are selfish and inconsiderate.