Is this normal feeling or should I be seeking help?

56 replies

Misll · 30/12/2024 13:14

I don’t know where to turn. In short I am a single parent to a 2.5 year old, his dad sees him frequently but I do 90% of care in the week. It’s just how it is. His work is shift based and mine is not. I do all nursery runs etc. Ex does help out where he can, it’s not about him.

Im just on my knees. I always feel on the cusp of crying. My job is so intense and although I’m well paid I always feel im clinging on. I feel sick with anxiety most nights about absolutely anything and everything:.. worry ds isn’t ok. Worry I will lose my job. Worry I will get unwell. worry about money if I did lose my job.

Life is a pit of anxiety. Ex and I went away for 3 nights after Xmas for ds to have a break and for me to go and see friends and honestly I feel worse for it. It’s like I have had a glimpse of not being non stop for a bit and I feel so sorry for myself. There’s no real answer here as I don’t want to go part time as I earn good money. Ex can’t do more than he does realistically and he has a good job which does benefit ds (he paid for the short break for example). I’m stuck. And constantly stressed. Is this just toddler life? I feel so deeply unhappy.

OP posts:

dontlookgottalook · 31/12/2024 11:51

I meant to write 'doesn't mean'.

Huskytrot · 31/12/2024 12:21

Misll · 31/12/2024 11:35

Thank you. I’ve been reading all these. It’s strange because I have moments where I feel much better, when I’ve eaten properly or slept and ds has been less hard work. Those days are ok. But they are infrequent and the mental stamina of giving up every moment to be there for ds when his dad isn’t is very hard.

I think the nub of it is that I’m always ‘on.’ Even when he’s in nursery it’s me who needs their phone on in case he needs picking up (ex too far to get there). It’s all on me all the time.

Thinking about these posts I recognise I need to force myself to take breaks in the same way I force myself to keep going. I’m going to stop saving annual leave for moments when ds may need picking up etc and just take the financial hit if I run out of leave and then have to take unpaid time off for child related issues. I think part of the problem is I have literally not had one day to myself since he was born. i wish I hadn’t got myself into this state. I feel like a lot of damage has been done to my well-being and now it’s hard to unravel

I’m also in the sort of job where it is seen as very weak to be off especially for simply not coping. Of course I am able to do it and on the face of it it’s deemed acceptable but in reality you’re seen differently at work.

This is the year to take your annual leave in term time.

Assuming he can be in nursery all year round, you can take some time to yourself now without worrying about school holidays.

Take a week or some long weekends to yourself.

Why isn't ex having DS overnight? That's a bare minimum responsibility. Send DS to his dads for a weekend (or whenever he isn't working) and take the time for yourself.

Also if you have the money then look into gyms which have crèches. You don't have to go to the gym... just use the sauna and have a coffee in peace!

GreyAreas · 31/12/2024 13:03

When time and money are short you have less bandwidth for making sensible decisions and function less well. Burnout is real.
I'd consider things like finding a very local childminder who can be a bit flexible with times and who will be able to do wraparound and school runs in a couple of years.
Getting a babysitter for one or two evenings.
This is going to stay this challenging until he's about 7 so you have to make it sustainable.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 31/12/2024 13:10

Can you find a way to fund a couple of counselling sessions? It sounds like you need help unpicking your options and make a plan of small changes or compromises that might add up to life feeling a bit different.

Sometimes voicing the detail to an external person can help see where the genuine road blocks are Vs those we all create in our own minds.

howsthehair · 31/12/2024 15:57

I actually do think it's worth discussing medication with the GP. Yes you're exhausted but partly because you've said you spend all night trying to cope with catastrophic thoughts which result from anxiety. I think meds or therapy are well worth looking into.

madroid · 31/12/2024 16:54

Counselling might help you to unravel what's happened since becoming a parent, act as a sounding board and also just offering some support generally.

Keep going, it won't feel like this forever. You will adapt and adjust, your DC will get older and a bit easier every day and you'll get used to bearing the load and become adroit at it. Honestly it will all get easier with time.

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