3.5 hours to get 12 month old to sleep

[MangoBathSalts]

where Am I going wrong?

she is still breastfed around meals although I’m planning to stop very soon. Her sleep has always been awful but recently I’m at my breaking point.

I paid for a sleep plan which in theory has been brilliant (since birth I have logged all her sleep/naps so they used that data) We have the odd day where it’s like clock work (it predicts when she may nap) and it’s accurate within 5 minutes, naps and bedtime will be like a fairy tale. but most nights are like tonight where it’s taken me 3.5 hours to finally get her to sleep.

i do her bedtime routine, she’s showing all the tired signs, re read a story but as soon as i try to rock her or put her in her cot she stands up and won’t settle. after about 15 minutes I take her back into the living room to play before trying again and rinse and repeat. She always has a good dinner too

our routine is going into her room with her dimmed night lights on, we do a nappy change and into pjs,
brush teeth, read a story while having a cuddle and then either rock or put her in her cot depending on what she’s seeming to prefer. We don’t do bath time every night as she has eczema.

once she’s asleep she’s fine for the night most of the time. we only have the odd night where she hasn’t resettled but they are few and far between

where am I going wrong? I am losing most of my evenings to this and feeling like am absolute failure. (Yes dh is great and really supportive but isn’t normally home from work until long gone bedtime) ❤️

Why are you giving up after 15 mins? Surely she’s just learned that she doesn’t need to go to sleep because she just goes back downstairs again?

Don’t take her down.
we did magic chair, so staying in the room and offering supportive words but not being responsible for him getting to sleep. Took about a week when he was 19 months.

You're going wrong by taking her back downstairs.

same question from me - why give up after 15 minutes. You need to be boring as heck.

We had one that wouldn't settle and never napped so I've got no great insights apart from above. It worked in the end ( months)

Absolutely never take them downstairs / out of the bedroom once routine has started or you’re shooting yourself in the foot IMO. You’ve got to commit to routine. I sleep trained both of mine using The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan and would recommend it to anyone having issues with their little one sleeping!

What's the rest of her routine like?

I wouldn't rock her, just put her in the cot and rub her back or hold her hand and shush her. If she stands up just keep laying her back down. Only pick her up if she gets distressed and lay her back down as soon as she's calm.
Definitely don't get her back up after bedtime.

What time are you putting her to bed?

Agree with others - you’re definitely the problem here and no way should be taking her back downstairs after 15 minutes. She must be so confused. You need to persevere

as soon as i try to rock her or put her in her cot she stands up and won’t settle.

I wouldn’t be rocking her, especially at that age, and would be teaching her self-settling techniques - she’ll soon learn 🤞🏼 no point going back in and disrupting the routine as she’ll just carry on doing it! Only go back in if you’re doing some sort of timed cry it out / settling strategy. I really hope you can crack it because every parent needs evenings to themselves!

Could Christmas excitement be playing a part or is it more longterm than that?

after about 15 minutes I take her back into the living room to play before trying again and rinse and repeat.

😂oh dear OP.

Bath, story, kiss, leave room.
repeat repeat repeat.

Is she actually upset though or is she just standing up, moving about etc? By that age with mine it was in the cot, story, kiss say goodnight. They would often babble away to themselves and move around standing up, making noises but weren't upset. It's how they learn to settle. I would only go back in if they were actually upset and crying.

Hi all, there are a lot of questions saying the same thing so I won’t reply to you all for the same reason, ❤️

our sleep plan/sleep consultant advised on 15 minutes and if she doesn’t settle then take her to play until she is more tired and try again (this has worked well on previous nights). But appreciate there is perhaps a better way to do things so thank you all for the feedback -

I do also lay her back down every time she stands but she doesn’t give in. She will keep going and going and crying and she shares a room with toddler dc so I’m scared to wake her also. She likes to pull my hand over her eyes and stroke my hand although I am slowly trying to transition from
hand to Comfortor.

i don’t want to try any CIO methods as i really don’t agree with them so i appreciate it will take me longer which is fine, it just feels like one step forward two steps back:

those of you who nursed - did baby’s sleep improve once you stopped?

Yes she’s upset and crying when it happens. She won’t lay in her cot on her own if I leave the room.

could it be abit of separation anxiety?

my other two dc always self settled and our sleep routine was brilliant as I have always been quite strict with it (in a kind way) so how I have ended up rocking/shushing and handholding to sleep I have no idea! ❤️

Thank you,
it’s really hard. Yes Christmas excitement maybe and a change in routine as there is no usual school run and baby clubs etc - It’s so hard at times! :(

15 mins is giving up way too early. I'd have given it 45mins/ an hour before taking back into bright playtime.

Also you can't keep relaying her down, she has to learn to do it herself or she'll expect you constantly.

12 months is when a lot of babies go down to one nap, that could be the reason why? How long ago did you see the sleep consultant?

We did Lucy wolfe stay and support method, so never left them to cry or anything but had them sleeping through and self settling in a couple of days. I night weaned at 8 months with mine when we did Lucy wolfe method. Continued day breast feeding for another year or so. If you're not feeding to sleep then I can't see why it would have an impact.

Your teaching her that if she does t want to go to sleep all she needs is to stand up for a bit and then she get more play and mummy time. I’m nearly 50 and I don’t want to go to bed. Just tell her to lie down and close her eyes, stay with her if you like but keep telling her to lie down and to sleep. She’s old enough to understand that.
She may be cross at first but you need stand your ground, she’ll be tired tomorrow.

That’s not great advice from the sleep consultant. Don’t take her downstairs, put her back down and try again. Be boring, don’t speak to her apart from saying bedtime, night night. Make sure you’re putting her to bed at the same time each night. What are her naps like during the day?

It isn't cry it out though if you soothe (without getting into dialogue), then put her down again. You can stay close then gradually withdraw. She needs to learn that someone will come if she is distressed but also that she will not be getting up again - bed time is bed time.

With my first his sleep worsened when I stopped nursing as it became so hard to comfort him. I'm currently nursing my second who is 1.5yo and he has always been a decent sleeper.

after about 15 minutes I take her back into the living room to play

That's definitely your problem! She's re-stimulating and you're just back to square one again. I'd listen to posters on here rather than a programme probably designed by people who had babies that fell asleep instantly or people who don't even have children!

Just take a book with you, say goodnight after your usual routine and read till she gets bored and sleeps

Sounds like you are doing lots of good things, and have really invested in having a good sleep routine for your little one.

My 12 month old sometimes takes an extra long time to get to sleep (2 hours tonight), usually on those nights she ends up having multiple feeds (despite having had a good sized dinner) before finally settling. My older child has always had poor sleep, but in hindsight i think he may also have been hungry (but we were more focused on the routine rather than the root cause).

Could offering extra porridge or milk feeds before bed/when not settling be worth exploring?

As others have said, don’t take her back downstairs. Tag team and stay in there all night if you need to. You’ll be on top of it in a few days.

(What’s a sleep consultant? Feeling very old 😁)

Yeah I think that's pretty bad advice from sleep consultant. Once bedtime routine has started there is no more play. Surely if the advice is to do more play tire her out is an acknowledgement she is under tired and needs her routine adjusted.

I would look at her naps throughout the day first of all and see how much day sleep she is getting and whether that is taking away from night sleep pressure. When happy that day sleep isn't reducing night time pressure try moving bedtime back just by 15 mins can make a difference. Better to give the 15 mins activity time before bedtime routine begins.

At 1 I would also avoid rocking to sleep as you are just enforcing a sleep association. Lay her down and offer comfort with words, patting back if necessary but should now be getting them self to sleep.

What are the naps like?

I agree definitely don't leave the room after 15 mins. Accept things will take longer at first.
Crying is normal and it's not CIO as long as you are supporting and comforting. I'd start by rocking to sleep, then just cuddling, then move to hand on etc etc. go as gradually as you need to with small steps.