3.5 hours to get 12 month old to sleep

[MangoBathSalts]

where Am I going wrong?

she is still breastfed around meals although I’m planning to stop very soon. Her sleep has always been awful but recently I’m at my breaking point.

I paid for a sleep plan which in theory has been brilliant (since birth I have logged all her sleep/naps so they used that data) We have the odd day where it’s like clock work (it predicts when she may nap) and it’s accurate within 5 minutes, naps and bedtime will be like a fairy tale. but most nights are like tonight where it’s taken me 3.5 hours to finally get her to sleep.

i do her bedtime routine, she’s showing all the tired signs, re read a story but as soon as i try to rock her or put her in her cot she stands up and won’t settle. after about 15 minutes I take her back into the living room to play before trying again and rinse and repeat. She always has a good dinner too

our routine is going into her room with her dimmed night lights on, we do a nappy change and into pjs,
brush teeth, read a story while having a cuddle and then either rock or put her in her cot depending on what she’s seeming to prefer. We don’t do bath time every night as she has eczema.

once she’s asleep she’s fine for the night most of the time. we only have the odd night where she hasn’t resettled but they are few and far between

where am I going wrong? I am losing most of my evenings to this and feeling like am absolute failure. (Yes dh is great and really supportive but isn’t normally home from work until long gone bedtime) ❤️

Agree with the others, taking her downstairs is giving her the signal that it's not bedtime
Very confusing

Lights off in bed, minimal interaction
Cues like white noise and follow the same steps every night
Bath, feed, teeth, story then bed , no digression or going downstairs
I'm baffled a sleep consultant told you that

Another one puzzled by the going back downstairs after 15 minutes advice.

What's her overall sleep schedule? For us prolonged bedtimes generally meant we were trying for too much sleep overall or that it was time to drop a nap so wake windows could be longer.

Maybe she just has lower sleep needs. I have one like that. Just start the bedtime routine later. There is no point trying for 12 hours overnight if your baby only needs 10. Later bedtime, faster to go down, happier mum and baby.

Mine has been taking ages lately. He doesn’t want to be rocked etc any more (pushes away). I put him in his cot and let him crawl and wriggle about and tire himself out a bit while I potter about tidying up after bath etc. Eventually he gets bored / tired and will start fiddling with his comforter, thats when I start shushing / holding hand through the bars / patting etc to help him drop off and get through the whingey spell where they try and fight sleep for the last time before dropping off.

We didnt bother with bedtimes at that age - it is far less stressful - better than battling with them for hours to sleep. The baby would usually play with toys and eventually just drift off when they were tired and we’d carry them up to bed.

Say goodnight, lay them down and leave the room.

First time she cries- pick her up, comfort her say "It's bedtime sweetheart" and put her back down.

Second time- pick her up and shush her, but don't speak.

Third time- Don't pick up or speak, just lay her down and shush/ rub her back.

Repeat third step for as long as it takes.

I wouldn't take them out of the room/ back downstairs unless they were ill. It seems really strange advice to switch lights on and play everytime they cry. The goal is they learn it's time to sleep and play time is over, but you'll always come back if they need you; so no need to be scared.

Get magnesium! You can get a lotion or gummies.

Look up lana.kearney on TikTok, she has a few videos on how magnesium has been life changing for her bed time routine!

This is the technique that we used too - think it's similar to the one Supernanny uses.

What's magic chair? And if you stay in the room would your little one just try and engage?

Is there enough of a gap between getting her up from her nap and trying to put her down for the night?

If bedtime's 7/7.30 then I wouldn't let her nap past 3pm.
If she's still on two naps then cut the morning nap to 30 minutes.

My son slept through from 11 weeks and daughter 10 months. Both breastfed. Personally it's not how they fed how well they sleep. Its their personality

Do not take her back downstairs. I always kiss goodnight and say love you and leave the room

So glad you asked that! Sleep consultants, expensive sleep plans, as my late mother would have said They saw you coming!
Why are things suddenly so much more complicated?

Our issue was that he only slept holding my hand. It was keeping him awake though. So we say next to him and kept repeating the same phrase (you choose what you want to say). First night he screamed to hold my hand but fell asleep after about fifteen mins. Next night after about 5 mins. After a few days we moved the chair to fhe middle of the room, then a few days later to the edge of the room, then the doorway then outside the door. Always repeating the same phase.

I don’t know if I’d do it now as we have a 2yr old who can climb out of the cot if he’s desperate!

I think 15 minutes is a bit too early to give up and go back downstairs, but I've never left any of mine to cry either. I was still rocking or feeding at that age so not much help.

What's your day time napping schedule?

I am amazed that a sleep consultant (and I do sleep training) said take her out after 15m

She knows if she gets up /cries /winges that she goes back downstairs /into your room

Stop that

As a guide I use 234 for sleep at this age

So awake for those times then sleep

And the same wake up time every day even if a bad .late night or the next day routine goes

7wake and 2hrs
9/10 nap
10 wake and 3hrs
1/3 sleep
3 wake and 4hrs
7 bedtime

I find it odd that as adults we generally need a quiet dark room but with babies we rock, shush, pat, jiggle and then wonder why they don't sleep😳

I did the same bed time routine with all of mine, put them down, said night night and went downstairs to do the kitchen( 10 mins)
Usually they grizzled a bit then fell asleep
I think as parents we think there's something we need to do but actually they need to feel safe and comfortable and have the opportunity to fall asleep naturally.

I've had two really bad sleepers so tried everything over the two of them! 7 years and 3 years (nearly) now.

My first thought would be how much nap time are they having in the day and what time does the last nap finish? By 12 months both of mine were on one nap and anything after 2/3pm wake up from the nap would result in a nightmare bedtime. It took a bit of trial and error to get the timing right but as soon as I figured out they were having too much daytime sleep, bedtime routine improved drastically.

Interesting a sleep consultant recommended playing again for 15 mins. I've always been told (sleep consultants, HV, HC professionals etc) that going back to playing would wake them up further and make putting them down harder. Personally once we are upstairs for bath and bedtime routine, there is no playing. We read, cuddle, talk about our day (even at 12 months I'd take to them). Maybe putting teddies to bed would be the extend of playing. Lights are dimmed.

I don't really make my children self settle....I sit with my 3 year old still. We read stories. She tells me when she wants to go to sleep (usually after 1 or 2 stories). I turn the bedside light off (leaving a nightlight on) and sit with her for a further 10-15 mins. Usually she is either asleep or happy enough for me to leave after that. I don't have to sleep alone and struggle when DH is not there so apply those principles to my children.

I also wouldn't underestimate the excitement of christmas of disrupting sleep. I've co slept most of december because of it!

She might just need less sleep - some only need 10 hours/night so maybe you need to try 8pm bedtime.

Also maybe the lunch nap is too long & too late. They don't sound tired from what you are describing.

If they aren't actually tired as they have had too long a nap or they only need 10 hrs then I actually think cry it out method would be distressing for them.