Can men be content without children

[Anyoneorderachinese]

Hi all
Long term user but have NC as quite identifying alongside my other posts.
Just wanted some thoughts on this as I'm in turmoil about it.
I am 40 and have one child with my XH. Very difficult birth with DD and complications (she needed complex surgery when born) which made the following few years very challenging. We came through the other side and she's now a happy and healthy pre teen. Relationship with XH broke down and we have been divorced for over 5 years.
2 years ago I met a new partner who is amazing. It's the most loving, calmest, healthiest relationship I've ever been in. He's 10 years younger.
From the start I made clear I do not wish to have any more children and he has consistently said he understands and is fine with this.
The worry rears it's head now and again that down the line he will change his mind and want children. At which point it will be too late for me.
Just trying to process this as it keeps rearing it's head.

I think probably more than half of men are unbothered about children but would have them if their partner wanted. A smaller amount are anti kids and probably around the same proportion actively want them. If they do want them, they'll make it known.

I had a brief relationship with a male primary school teacher and when I mentioned I was never intending on having children, I was kindly but swiftly dumped. He had a plan to marry and have children within the next few years and I clearly didn't fit with his life choices as he was very family and child oriented. I wish him all the best.

I have two older teenage DDs and my OH doesn’t have any. He is more than happy with having no children of his own but he does enjoy the company of my girls.

Of course they can. My husband always assumed he would have kids because that's just what everyone did, not bc he particularly wanted them, but I've always known that I never wanted them and this is the first thing I told him when we got serious. He said he was fine with it. Now years later he constantly tells me how happy he is that we didn't ruin our lives with children and how miserable all of his friends with kids are. He is definitely glad we never had them and 100% prefers it. Trust what he says.

Yes.

Exactly this.

So why don’t you believe him? I’m a woman who doesn’t want children and never has and I’d be incredibly pissed off tbh if I had a partner who kept doubting me when I told them this.

I know men who wanted children but whose partner didn’t and they chose the relationship without children. They are happy - although they haven’t decided that they are better without kids.

I know men who want children and wouldn’t be happy without kids. And so kids are a dealbreaker for them.

I know men who didn’t want kids, ended up having kids, and love their kids to bits. Some happy that this was where life took them, others love the kids but it wasn’t really an upgrade for them.

I know men that clearly regret that kids didn’t happen for them for whatever reason.

OP if more kids are a definite no for you, you’ve 2 choices. Make the decision for your partner and separate. Or leave the decision to him to be in the relationship without kids. Personally the latter makes more sense. You’ve been honest - he gets to choose. He may one day regret staying - but everyone might one day regret choices they’ve made in their life.

(he might not want his own kids and so a partner that’s openly saying no more kids could be a plus)

Most men don't want kids, imo.
Kids get in the way of them getting laid, that's why.

This is totally off topic for the OP's original question, but if what @Tuftykitten says is true for most men, does that mean that most of our Dads don't really want us? That we've been in the way since we were born?

@Notateacheranymore

Fine if you don't want kids.

But your husband being in the RAF shouldn't affect that. My DH has been a Marine 22 years and we have teens.

I know so many men who weren't arsed with their kids during the hard work years, but suddenly are 'proud dad' etc. when they are non dependent.

Personally some people prefer the freedom etc without having them

@Oreyt

I’m saying that the potential of his being away quite frequently, especially if he was posted to a squadron rather than a bay, was a factor in cementing our decision, along with the others I’ve mentioned, in not having children.

Just like everyone who has the conversation about children, to have or not to have, will consider many factors personal to that couple.

Equally, there could be plenty of couples where one of them has no issue with the other being away for possibly months at a time. I was not, am not, a member of one of those couples.

This is so bloody true.

Of course they can. My husband always assumed he would have kids because that's just what everyone did, not bc he particularly wanted them, but I've always known that I never wanted them and this is the first thing I told him when we got serious. He said he was fine with it. Now years later he constantly tells me how happy he is that we didn't ruin our lives with children and how miserable all of his friends with kids are. He is definitely glad we never had them and 100% prefers it. Trust what he says.

This was literally exactly us as well. DH said he never specifically wanted children but assumed that whoever he married would. He was more than happy not to take that path.

I'm always surprised the amount of men that "definitely don't want kids" but yet would never consider a vasectomy!!

I can well believe that @Jennyjennyitsabox !

So perhaps the reality for most of us is that our Dads want us around now that we’re adults, but were less bothered when we were kids?

You have to take his word for it, don't doubt that he knows what he wants.
What are your other choices? Sabotage the relationship now because he might want kids? He might be infertile. He might drop dead. Enjoy the now.

Why? It is no different to women who don't want kids not wanting to be sterilised. There are other options aside from surgery to avoid pregnancy.

The worst are the completely absent fathers who strike up a relationship with their teenagers out of the blue. I know of a few single mums this has happened to, it's a total piss take.

@MrsDFcooking The only other option for a man with any sort of reliability is condoms.