Lies, am I just a bit odd or does everyone feel like this?

[Huuuu]

I have major anxiety around lying. With DP, friends and family, ie people I’m close to. It makes me feel physically sick. If I think I here’s a chance of a lie, however small, I then obsess, feel all trust is broken. It’s horrendous. Dp lied about meeting a male friend who has just left his wife. When I asked why on earth he’d lie he said he wasn’t sure how to talk about it as he hasn’t processed it himself yet and he knew I’d ask questions but he was taken aback by it all. When I pressed him a little (something just seemed off) he admitted it immediately and apologised. I feel terrible, very anxious and can’t stop thinking about it. Is this normal?

For context I have met his friend a couple of times but I’m not friends with him or his now ex wife.

Well no, it not normal. Sounds like you need therapy

I don’t think this context is relevant
.

We're all different but no I'm not like that. I do obsess about plenty of other things though so it's not like I'm completely level headed.

My DH lies about small stuff, like the shop being out of milk when really he forgot to go. It annoys me but doesn't make me anxious.

If it's affecting your life counselling might be worth a shot.

I hate liars and lying too OP, for me it just shows a complete lack of respect.
I don't think you need therapy but you maybe do have to accept that a lot of people are quite happy routinely lying, and also don't worry too much when people lie to them about certain things.

Well I asked him if he’d seen ‘Steve’ and he outright said no. It wasn’t that he just hadn’t told me, Steve came up in conversation and I asked if he had met up

Really really not normal and such a shame that you can't empathise with your partner

Your behaviour sounds exhausting and it’s probably why he slipped up and lied.

It is relevant. It tells us the lie doesn't come from fear of tension that might have been caused by Huuu's loyalty to the woman who was broken up with.

Personally I don't have no tolerance of lies.

I would find the reason your DP gave for lying very strange. Why lie about meeting his friend? All he needed to do is tell you he was meeting him but that he didn't want to discuss their conversation.

It would dent my trust in him because inevitably you will wonder what other times he has lied about who he is meeting.

Well I’m on the fence.

This part doesn’t sound normal at all:
I have major anxiety around lying. With DP, friends and family, ie people I’m close to. It makes me feel physically sick. If I think I here’s a chance of a lie, however small, I then obsess, feel all trust is broken. It’s horrendous.

However your husband directly lying about who he was meeting up with is obviously upsetting. And I wouldn’t be ok with that.
And his reason for lying makes no sense?
Is he a habitual liar? Is this where your anxiety comes from?

He has lied about a few things. Small things but they are still lies to me.

I don’t obsess but lying is up there with some of the worst stuff people can do.

This doesn’t sound good. Can you give another example?

Most people are uncomfortable when they know they've been lied to.
You've developed an anxiety about being lied to and catching someone lying to you.
Having anxiety isn't good if it disrupts your life and the way you think and feel about people close to you, especially if you're always on the lookout for being lied to.
It sounds like your DP understands your anxiety, and he apologised to you. But still you obsess, you feel trust is broken, and you feel yourself, that it's horrendous.
I think, that if you're going to not be able to stop thinking about it, that you should seek some therapy, before it becomes a bigger problem between you and your DP and others that are close to you.

I don't think I'm obsessed like you op but I hate liars, it makes me lose all trust and respect for the person.

Secrets and lies. Can’t abide either but that doesn’t make me anxious. It makes me disappointed

I think, that if you're going to not be able to stop thinking about it, that you should seek some therapy,

or maybe her DP should stop lying? Sounds like it’s a pattern..

Sit and think about that horror you have about lying, notice where in your body you feel that emotion, and let yourself fall back in time and notice where you land? You might find there is an early significant 'root' experience. You won't find it by thinking about it, but if you follow the body sensation you might.

Do you think you have controlling traits?

If he had told you the truth from the get go, how would you have reacted?
Would you have said ok that’s fine, have a good time or questioned him over it?

I hate liars but I don’t have anxiety over it.

I just tend to not believe what everyone says but figure there’s not much I can do about it and so don’t stress about it.

If this was just DH then I’d say you have a DH problem but it’s everyone close to you and so the problem is you.

I think you’re perhaps the type of person feel the need to lie to because you can be difficult with things you don’t want to hear.

Surely your anxiety is because you are married to a man that lies to you?

If my dh met up with someone and lied about it I’d be pissed off and suspicious too, that’s human nature.

If someone tells lots of silly “white” lies how can you know they’re not telling big ones too?

Its your psyche telling you something’s off - listen to your gut.

I would definitely feel weird if my husband lied about meeting a friend.

it would make me feel like he’s hiding something.

Also, his excuse for lying doesn’t make any sense.

what has he lied about before?

Thanks. He has said the reason he lied was because I would inevitably have asked how ‘Steve’ was and he didn’t know what he thought of the meeting with him yet as the break up was out of the blue (which it was). He was apologetic. I just can’t separate that from bigger lies.. lots of small ones to me means maybe he’s telling me bigger ones

That’s odd. Did you know about the break up? Wouldn’t he just say, ‘I don’t really know how he is-it’s all very out of the blue’

@Shinyandnew1 i think it’s because this man had an affair and dh didn’t think I would approve etc . It’s just silly as I would have been vaguely interested and that’s all.