Lies, am I just a bit odd or does everyone feel like this?

[Huuuu]

I have major anxiety around lying. With DP, friends and family, ie people I’m close to. It makes me feel physically sick. If I think I here’s a chance of a lie, however small, I then obsess, feel all trust is broken. It’s horrendous. Dp lied about meeting a male friend who has just left his wife. When I asked why on earth he’d lie he said he wasn’t sure how to talk about it as he hasn’t processed it himself yet and he knew I’d ask questions but he was taken aback by it all. When I pressed him a little (something just seemed off) he admitted it immediately and apologised. I feel terrible, very anxious and can’t stop thinking about it. Is this normal?

I end up lying to people who are super intense and intrusive and controlling, won’t take no for an answer, and/or feel entitled to know my every thought about everything all the time and don’t stop hounding me and interrogating me about things.

If someone doesn’t believe I’m allowed to have any boundaries at all then it’s not safe to be transparent with them.

I wonder if this is part of your dynamic with your DH, OP.

Does he lie rather than provoke a very negative reaction from you? People often omit the truth when they know their partner will react in a way that will cause a huge rift/argument. My Ex was like this. I had secrets because I couldn’t tell him the truth without him getting upset and ignoring me for days on end. This might be something small like I’d treated myself to something and he would judge me. He might even threaten divorce. So, it got to the stage where I was walking on eggshells constantly.

There are lies (for fear of someone’s reaction) and there are LIES where a genuine misdemeanour is taking place (spending all your savings on gambling/having a fling with the milkman!).

@Huuuu You might want to look at your own part in this scenario and address your reactions.

@Huuuu i would have understood if you had been upset at him lying about having met his friends ex wife! cant understand why he would lie about meeting his friend though and definitely cant understand why you are getting your knickers in a twist about this anyway?