WIBU to not answer my grandad’s calls?

[allmylifelong]

So I live a couple of hours away from most of my family, it’s never really been an issue and I enjoy driving so will regularly visit them, especially over the holidays. DH and I usually spend NYE with my dad’s side of the family, they throw a party and it’s nice to get everyone together.

This year I have been heavily pregnant, I’m due with our first baby on NYE, so I haven’t been to visit family over Christmas as I have bad pelvic pain and don’t want to be in the car for long periods. I just prefer to be at home at the minute, able to take myself to bed if need be and to wear whatever clothes I want and not have to get dressed up. I also want a home birth so ideally don’t want to travel too far from home in case I go into labour.

My family have generally been really supportive, a couple of them have come to visit me over Christmas and they’ve been understanding. However, my grandad won’t stop calling me about NYE. He keeps asking if he thinks I will make it to the party, despite me saying multiple times that we will be staying at home. He honestly calls about 3 times a day to ask. We’re very close and I know it’s just because he wants to spend new year with me, but it’s driving me insane. I have said numerous times that he needs to stop asking me, that I won’t be travelling as it’s uncomfortable and that I don’t want to risk being away from home if I go into labour. He isn’t listening, so WIBU to just not answer his calls from now until after new year?

Not unreasonable at all. Have you told the family? Someone needs to have a quiet word.

How old is he? Is it possible he is not remembering the answer?

Speak to whichever of your parents he is the father of. They need to field this for you. Then block him (temporarily).

Yes, maybe he is forgetting what you have told him. Is he understanding once you have explained why you will not go?

Sounds like he is not listening and he can’t recall the answer. Does he have capacity ? Is he able to retain information?

But I do agree that you should not be having to deal with this at present.

He does have the capacity to remember. It’s not that he’s calling and saying “oh are you coming over for NYE?”, it’s more like “so are you sure you won’t change your mind?, you’re being a bit dramatic you won’t go into labour on your due date, it’s only a couple of hours in the car, bring a pillow and it won’t hurt” etc.

He’s lovely and we are really close but he can be very pushy, and if you don’t do what he wants can get a bit grumpy.

If it was that he was forgetting then I’d be happy to keep explaining to him. It’s just that it feels like he isn’t taking no for an answer, every reason I give he has a solution. It’s lovely that he wants to spend NYE with me so bad, but I’m just not up to it at all this year. It’s starting to make me thing that maybe I am unreasonable for not going.

He’s not lovely, a lovely person wouldn’t be doing that he’d respect your wishes. He’s lovely as long as you toe the line it would seem. How many times has he been pregnant? Perhaps ask him that.

So when the baby comes he will be even more grumpy as he won’t like you choosing the baby over him I bet.

It changing attitudes to pregnancy/neediness of mums to be vs the older generation who just got on with it. To him it most probably feels like you're abandoning them for no reason.

To be honest I would have took some pain killers and a pillow to enjoy time with family. Even sit slightly side ways in the back. Just take the hospital bags just in case.

I can't stand home births and think they should be banned so the risk of going to a different hospital wouldn't be a consideration for us.

Has Katie Hopkins joined Mumsnet?

You've told him, so YANBU. He is trying to bully you into agreement.

Pushy and grumpy aren't words I'd use to describe a lovely person, he sounds selfish and thoughtless to me
I'd say one final time that I wasn't coming and wouldn't be taking any more calls on the subject and not to worry when you don't pick up

What the fuck have I just read?

OP - if he won't take no for an answer, let the calls go to Voicemail for a bit and get your parent to run interference on your behalf.

i was due with my first DC between Christmas and New Year (a long time ago)

About 4 months before my due date, when the entirety of my family knew because i wouldn't be travelling to UK for Christmas or the few months after that - my sibling decided to get married on NYE. And then the sibling and spouse-to-be plagued me with calls and letters about how mean i was for telling them that if they wanted me there they should move their wedding. (i didn't demand it, i just said: no can do, i would like to be there, if you want me to be there you need to adjust to later in the year)

and there was so much shit from that, that i completely ignore the fact they are married, and we never talk about it. I know spouse hates that and is grumpy. Sibling and i get on just fine, but if the subject ever comes up one of us will change it quickly, while spouse grumbles about what a shit sister i am.

Families are weird, in other words. Tell which ever parent is your grandad's child to tell him to stop or next time he calls you will answer by shrieking "fuck off you stupid old goat I'm about to pop"

Thank you for clarifying. How you haven’t been rude to him already I’ll never know.

Get tetchy next time he calls. "Grandad I've told you over and over again that I Will not be coming.
You are really annoying me now by constantly asking the same question when I've said NO.
PACK IT IN NOW"

Your comment reminds me of the time my Dad (who was 5 years into treatment for stage 4 bowel cancer) leant over and told one of my children when they were 4 months old that they were stealing his cuddles.

He has no idea what he is asking . He needs to be told that it is absolutely not going to happen. Get your parent to have a word with him and tell him to stop badgering you. You don't need the stress.

I understands that home births wouldn’t have been a consideration for you, but it is for us. So I can’t just bring a hospital bag, I have to plan for the birth that I want.

Even with pain killers and sitting sideways etc it still hurts, I get very little relief at the minute.

As a FTM I'd probably have felt the same as you, but a few years down the line I'd look back and regret it personally. Once you have kids, going out on new year becomes very difficult/impossible for a long time, so I'd seize this opportunity if I could.

I had horrific SPD, with it starting from the first trimester (bad enough to be on prescription level painkillers for most of pregnancy, using two sticks etc) and couldn't leave the house with help by my third trimester, so believe me, I get the pain.

Also, if you don't go if you have any twinges of possible labour/leave if you get any, you are very unlikely to miss your home birth.

That said, your view is totally reasonable as well and he should respect your decision and not nag you.

Thank you everyone for making me feel like I’m not being precious. If he calls again I will just tell him that if he continues to badger me about NYE I won’t be answering the phone to him any more.

But you want to do something, the OP doesnt, two totally different scenarios. I don't see the relevance

The thing is I don’t think I will enjoy it anyway. Everyone has a drink, gets all dressed up etc. I will be one of the only ones drinking so will likely be there to entertain the kids. The fact that it’s my due date is just an extra hurdle.

You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone on here or your grandfather. It’s good practice for when your baby arrives to just listen to advice and take the bits you want and ignore the rest! Everyone has an opinion and thinks theirs is golden. I remember a visit from a midwife/health visitor who said why on earth are you doing it that way about something - can’t remember what now. I said through slightly gritted teeth because that’s what your colleague suggested yesterday!