WIBU to not answer my grandad’s calls?

[allmylifelong]

So I live a couple of hours away from most of my family, it’s never really been an issue and I enjoy driving so will regularly visit them, especially over the holidays. DH and I usually spend NYE with my dad’s side of the family, they throw a party and it’s nice to get everyone together.

This year I have been heavily pregnant, I’m due with our first baby on NYE, so I haven’t been to visit family over Christmas as I have bad pelvic pain and don’t want to be in the car for long periods. I just prefer to be at home at the minute, able to take myself to bed if need be and to wear whatever clothes I want and not have to get dressed up. I also want a home birth so ideally don’t want to travel too far from home in case I go into labour.

My family have generally been really supportive, a couple of them have come to visit me over Christmas and they’ve been understanding. However, my grandad won’t stop calling me about NYE. He keeps asking if he thinks I will make it to the party, despite me saying multiple times that we will be staying at home. He honestly calls about 3 times a day to ask. We’re very close and I know it’s just because he wants to spend new year with me, but it’s driving me insane. I have said numerous times that he needs to stop asking me, that I won’t be travelling as it’s uncomfortable and that I don’t want to risk being away from home if I go into labour. He isn’t listening, so WIBU to just not answer his calls from now until after new year?

You are due to give birth tomorrow and in considerable pain. Of course you and your husband are not wanting to travel four hours there and back and attending a drinking party, looking after other people's children.

Although you say he is cognitively fine I would be questioning firstly whether he is fine. Does he always find it so hard to put himself in the place of other people? Perhaps just approaching it in terms of no grandad I am pregnant, remember, it is not possible, have you forgotten that I told you that this morning? If nothing else questioning his memory might stop him ringing if he does remember and is just being awkward.

It's absolutely fine for you to decide you don't want to go to a party. "Because I don't want to" is all the reason you or anyone else needs.

Block his number, and let your parents know you've done so in case he panics when you don't answer him.

Thank you everyone. He’s a difficult man to explain, I think he may possible have autism (for many different reasons) and if things don’t go exactly how he planned for them to go he can get quite upset. We’ve had issues with him in the past, and my nan (a whole other thread!), so I was kind of expecting out of everyone that he would be the one to have an issue with this.

I have messaged my dad (grandad’s son), just to let him know what’s been happening and he’s said he will have a word with grandad. Hopefully he will stop now. Part of me selfishly wants to go into labour bang on NYE just to say I told you so😂.

All those saying "in my day....you'll regret it.....sounds fun" - no woman should be forced to go anywhere she doesn't want to, on her bloody due date.

Leave the OP alone.

There have been changing attitudes to birth, my gran was kept in hospital for two weeks for a normal c section birth while I was out in two days post c section

You're not being unreasonable! But he is.

I think I'd be taking particular line with him, a line that he wouldn't like (and so might cause him to back off). I'd be all -

'But grandpa, we've been through all this don't you remember? I'm getting worried now, all this endlessly repeating yourself. Promise me you'll go and see your GP and get checked over for dementia? Please? Promise me?'

But I can be a right cow when needled.

This sort of thing was when I invoked the medical advice excuse. “Oh my midwife says no more than 30 minutes in the car at this stage of pregnancy”, “Sorry, doctor says I need to rest”, “My doctor said that wasn’t a good idea” - all nonsense, I never even saw a doctor in my second pregnancy, but somehow people accepted I couldn’t do things if I claimed it as medical advice.

Just stop taking the calls

Good idea actually. I’ll keep that in mind if I ever need it again.

wow... i was the other way round last christmas when GC1 was due, and mum to be is the only car driver and we had a big family get together sorted. she was due in 2 weeks, but was struggling and she was adament she would drive!

i did raise my concerns, if something happened on the way, her being the only car driver, they would all be stranged and god forbid she went into labour! finally she agreed it was more sensible to remain close to home.

i would have a word with whichever parent grandad belongs too, and leave it at that. don't block him, he's probably very excited at the prospect of being a great grandad and maybe realises he maybe won't see you for some time after baby is born.

its your body, your baby and i'd ignore those telling you to grit you teeth and get on with it. Yes back in our day we had too... but i personally would have loved someone to have shown me just a small ounce of emptathy during my difficult pregnancy..

congratulations.. and how exciting that baby is due NYE!

I can’t believe anyone would want their heavily pregnant relative to travel for hours away from home for a party. It’s not a bloody census in Bethlehem, ffs!

You are the most important person in town right now. You are sweet to even ask the question because I would have been ignoring him already. Tell him you will be resting as much as you can whilst you can! It’s no fun staying up late whilst everyone else is drinking anyway.

SPD is a literal pain. Put your feet up and tell him to stop mithering,

Your comment about homebirths is totally irrelevant so it sure why you felt the need to include it. The OP wants a homebirth and therefore that is a significant consideration for her. OP I had three homebirths- best decision I ever made.

You've possibly had the baby by now, but as for the hip pain, I can totally feel your pain as I had it too with my second and couldn't have imagined the thought of a two hour drive. I hope everything ended up being ok NYE and you weren't pestered again. Good luck/congratulations for the birth x

Hope all is well, OP, and your grandad backed off. Perhaps you even got your New Year's Eve baby? 😉

What is it about home births you "can't stand"? The fact that they're inherently less risky? That people feel safe having them and have happier outcomes? Why did you feel the need to push your ill-founded beliefs that hospital births are superior on a woman who is happy with her birth choices and about to give birth? Your opinion on her choices is irrelevant and your choice to tell her it cruel.

She prefers netmums doesn't she? 😂😂😂😂

Don't be so ridiculous. If anything women are expected to do more in pregnancy/post birth than they were years ago. Years ago women had a lengthy stay in hospital post birth now they are turfed out and expected yo get on with it.

Sounds like you just need to be firm. Tell him "No I will not be going this year but I look forward to seeing you soon with your new great grandchild. Please dont ask me again as my answer wont change" and leave it at that.

Have you had baby now, please let us know! :)

Not being unreasonable. This heavily pregnant then l really would not have been up for a few hours in the car there and then on the way back. At that stage in my pregnancy then l was keen to try to be comfortable (often difficult) and go to bed when l had had enough

Your grandad needs to wake up to the fact that you are / were heavily pregnant. You are having a big life event and quite busy with that.

Completely agree. I was discharged 26 hours after a c section with twins. My mum got over a week with just a singleton!

Popping some pain killers and sitting sideways will do absolutely nothing. In fact, sitting sideways will probably cause immense pain. I was prescribed oramorph and it didn’t touch it. Unfortunately, what you need is an anti inflammatory and you can’t take them in pregnancy. I really feel for you OP. I had it in both my pregnancies and it reduced me to tears. No way would I be going anywhere.

Good luck with the birth op. (P.s, I'd have lied and said to grandad that yes you'll go and then when you don't turn up, feign ignorance)