I have two best friends, let’s call them Kayla and Sophia. I met both at uni, and we were really close for years. Over time, Kayla and Sophia drifted apart but stayed polite and friendly when they see each other. Now that we’re in our early 30s, it feels like both of them are being pretty crappy friends. Or am I just expecting too much?
We’re all very different people. I’m not interested in getting married or having kids anytime soon. I’ve got a boyfriend, and we’re both focused on our careers and love traveling. We usually do 5–7 budget friendly trips a year (cheap flights and hotels), which lets us see more places. We split everything 50/50, which works perfectly for us.
Kayla
Kayla was never super career focused at uni. She always said her dream was to find love, have kids, and work in a job with a good work life balance. A few years after we graduated, she met a guy who’s about 10 years older, very successful, and from a wealthy family. He’s set to inherit a multimillion-pound business and already earns a high salary working for it. From what I’ve seen and heard, he’s kind, funny, and really loves her. They got married quickly and now have two kids.
These days, though, Kayla is always making comments that get on my nerves. If I mention that my boyfriend and I split costs, she’ll say stuff like, “He makes you go 50/50? He’s supposed to be… the man… no?” Or if we’re chatting about skincare, she’ll go, “Be careful in the sun, it ages you. Beauty is our most important asset as women!”
She also completely brushes off anything nice I say about my boyfriend. For example, i said that I generally find it attractive when a man is good at DIY, she laughed and said, “Better yet, if he earned more, he could hire the best professionals.” At Christmas, I mentioned I’d rather go on holiday with my boyfriend (splitting the cost) than get a fancy gift, and she basically said, “If you act like you don’t need anything, you’ll never get anything. You need to motivate him to give you more.”
Her whole vibe is that a man’s worth is based on how much he provides, women should use their looks to marry rich, and women who work or don’t want kids are just weird and will end up miserable because we’re biologically programmed to seek out a mate who can provide so we raise kids and look after the home, not slave away.
Sophia
Sophia is a different story, she feels like she’s always trying to one-up me. She’ll make comments in front of my boyfriend like, “Aww, how come you two aren’t married yet?” even though she knows I don’t want to get married. Before we moved in together, she’d constantly say, “It’s funny you two don’t live together,” even though we had personal reasons for waiting.
It’s the same with work. I have a good job and I’m happy, but I’m not chasing big promotions or massive paychecks. Sophia won’t stop with stuff like, “I just got a promotion, why don’t you move somewhere you could earn more?” or “Don’t you want to work for a bigger company with more opportunities?” It always feels like she’s trying to prove she’s better than me.
Am I Overthinking?
Am I expecting too much from them? Or are they just being weird? I’m starting to feel like I’m losing both of my best friends, and it’s hard because I don’t have many other close friends. How do I handle this?