To ask boyfriend to see GP about his weight?

[Summerconfused]

He's 6ft4 and big build so carries the weight reasonably well, but his bmi is 29, and needs to lose 3 stone to get within a healthy range. He is 46, has high blood pressure and other weight related issues. He knows he needs to lose weight but isn't really doing anything to try. I'd like him to look at options which might help but don't know how to broach it without hurting his feelings. We've been together for a year. How would you approach this?

Who does the shopping & cooking in your house? Can you embark on a get healthy campaign together? Cut out processed food, takeaways, sweet sauces and puddings. Can you buy fewer snacks and less beer? If it isn't in the cupboard, he can't eat it.

What exercise does he do? Does he drink a lot of alcohol?

Unfortunately for many, food is an addiction, they won't stop until they want to, but you could talk to him. What is his view?

BMI is not really an indicator of whether you're overweight but having high blood pressure and other weight related issues is a worry. He know's he needs to lose weight but won't do anything about it, unfortunately there's not really much you can do.

I seriously doubt the GP is going to help. I'm now quite significantly underweight and losing despite eating well, which you'd think would be a concern, and they don't even have time to help me other than "try some nuts and full fat yoghurts". I am. Obviously. I'm not dumb. Overweight is so common I don't think they'll even give you an appointment. I don't think you can really bring it up just about him without being hurtful, but you could frame it like "getting healthy for the new year" as a couple's project, exercising togther, choosing healthy meals together - who does the cooking?

I don't think you should say anything unless the subject comes up from him. You haven't been together very long and it's not really your place to say this. Unless he asks for help there's nothing for you to do here.

Oir surgery do referrals to the gym and slimming world so I was able to loose 2.5 stone in 12 weeks last year. But if he doesn't want to lose weight, he won't. I recently read ultra processed people and it changed my outlook on everything, so would recommend that. I think there's a documentary on Netflix about the same topic aswell.

Thanks, we don't live together and only see each other on weekends so he cooks for himself midweek and understandably when cooking for one, goes for convenience food. He has said he wants to lose weight so agree with suggestions, it's something we can do together to spur each other on (I'm not overweight but could definitely be fitter). He's highly competitive so that will help!

If he has high BP is he on meds, presumably he already sees the GP if he is?

I’d be surprised if a GP would do much but offer advise (which is usually just the eat better leaflets etc) until his bmi is in the obese category at least.

This isn't your responsibility OP. Of course he can decided to loose weight and his success will depend on his actions and no one else's.
I remember a friend's dad dying of heart disease, my friend blamed it on her step mum because she cooked for them. Completely absolving her father of any adult responsibility.

My DH is the same and I am getting to the point to leaving him.

He breathes heavily after even a few steps or even just getting out of the bed.

He refuses to eat healthy or exercise.

He’s 40 and I don’t want a lifetime of being his carer.

My advice would be to get out now, OP.

You've only been together a short time and see each other at weekends.

As well meaning as you are, I'm not sure asking him to see a doctor because you're unhappy he's overweight, is going to go down well.

Was he this weight when you got together? If so, why would you raise it with him a year later?

People do worry about the health of people they care for,

Personally I think OP should leave him.

As others have said, there's little point him talking to his GP. They will simply give him advice that he will already know and that will be it.

You've already discussed his health and weight with him given what you've said. If he's competitive, could you discuss getting fitter and maybe entering some kind of sporting competition? A fun run, or similar. Then train for it together.

Well, yes I understand that but unless his health has declined in the last year it seems a bit unfair/unrealistic to get together with someone who is overweight and has health problems and then try and change them.

I agree. I would not even bother trying to change him. I would run now.

His body, his business.

Why are you so keen to take responsibility for his weight and health?

If you don’t like overweight men who neglect themselves don’t date them.

I think seeing the GP about his blood pressure is a very good idea.

Agree also about the getting active together. Make sure you keep to healthier habits yourself, don't get sucked into gaining weight alongside him.

What do you think the GP is going to do, the GP will simply say 'you need to lose weight', they dont provide a magic bullet

He needs to make sure his calorie expenditure is more than his calorie intake, how he chooses to do that (eating less or doing more or a combination of the two) is up to him and waht suits him, men get on very well with a low carb diet, the weight just falls off them.

Is his high blood pressure being treated? That is the priority here. If it is, then the GP will know and given him guidance about weight. If not, get him to prioritise that. It's the silent killer.

Do people with high blood pressureon treatment (me) get 'known' by their GP, I cant tell you who the last person was that monitored this for me and I never see the same person twice, often seeing HCP not the GP for this and that

The amount of women encouraging you to take responsibility for his health is astonishing.

It’s a really toxic role to step into. He’s not your small child and you don’t need to get him to the gp or worry about his blood pressure. Accept him as he is or split up.

Accept or dump. You won't change him.

I ld say dump, sounds like a man baby

I'm 46 and did have a bmi of 30, but started on MJ in October and have brought it down to 26. My partner has been supportive and complimented me on my weight loss but with no pressure whatsoever in either direction. He just appreciates it's my choice and supports me in whatever I decide. If he'd pointed out I need to lose weight I really wouldn't have taken kindly to that.