To ask boyfriend to see GP about his weight?

[Summerconfused]

He's 6ft4 and big build so carries the weight reasonably well, but his bmi is 29, and needs to lose 3 stone to get within a healthy range. He is 46, has high blood pressure and other weight related issues. He knows he needs to lose weight but isn't really doing anything to try. I'd like him to look at options which might help but don't know how to broach it without hurting his feelings. We've been together for a year. How would you approach this?

Perfect time of year to do something about it.

GP will just say eat less and better so don't waste your time. Just say you're starting a healthy lifestyle change for new year and want him to join. No pressure, no pushing, his choice to join.

To those saying dump him, you don’t want to become his carer etc, does that count for all conditions that could be debilitating in old age or just being overweight?

I’m overweight and my DP suffers with depression and anxiety. Is it ok for me to dump him in case his depression becomes a burden, or is it only ok for him to dump me for being overweight?

Obviously we’ve both tried the recommended solutions for our issues but both still struggle with our respective disorders. I thought that supporting each other was the goal in a relationship but apparently he should just cut his losses as I’m fat?

The GP might suggest a healthy eating website or something, give vague advice about exercise. But they won't prescribe weight loss jabs or anything like that.
You could encourage him outdoors to do healthy things together, walking, start a new exercise based hobby together?
If you cook for him make healthier meals. But if he's not interested then he'll eat what he wants so the exercise won't necessarily make him lose weight.

With a BMI of 29, it's likely that there's other additional factors behind his high blood pressure. A BMI of 29 doesn't generally cause weight related issues alone and yabu to suggest a GP appointment to address that he is slightly overweight.

You don't do anything. He knows how much he weighs, if he wanted to do something about it he could. If he's always been this weight since you got together then that's just how he is. Maybe he'll lose weight one day, maybe he'll stay this weight forever.

By all means suggest healthy eating/fitness to do together, but unless he actually is prepared to lose weight (versus just saying it) then it's unlikely to make any difference.

My DH has been from 27BMI to 38 BMI and back down again in the long time we've been together. It hasn't changed our relationship, although I'm glad he's now a healthier weight. But he had to be the one in charge, not me.

Could you do some sort of fitness activity together? Park run, gym, swimming, cycling or even just walking?

If he's been talking about it for a year and not done anything about it he never will. And if you try helping it will be stressful for you trying when he's not consistently trying. My mum was always big and my ex was always big They constantly say they want to loose weight it means nothing. I used to cook all these healthy meals for my ex and then when I discovered he's eating shit at lunch had a phase making his lunch and that turned into him just eating the lunch I made and getting a cake or second lunch with his high calorie coffee.

Not your problem op. And if it bothers you then walk away now

Don’t waste the GPs time. With a BMI of 29 he is not even obese just overweight.
You can do healthy eating and exercise yourself .

I’m overweight and my DP suffers with depression and anxiety. Is it ok for me to dump him in case his depression becomes a burden, or is it only ok for him to dump me for being overweight?

You can dump each other for any reason you want.

BMI is not a reliable measure when you are very tall. Men particularly because they have higher muscle bulk. BMI is becoming a less favoured method and doctors are moving to the waist to height ratio as a better measure.

My DS is 6’3” and has a BMI in the overweight area but is very fit and solid muscle, when he is in full training mode his weight will increase as he loses fat and bulks up muscle. His height to waist ratio is 4.6 which puts him firmly in the green zone. Doctors tend to ignore traditional BMI and use height to weight ratio since abdominal fat is a better indicator.

Blood pressure is not necessarily dependent on weight and is often the cause of unexpected strokes and heart attacks in people who are slim and at a healthy weight. There is a strong genetic cause. It does need treating though. I’m surprised that your DP’s GP hasn’t been monitoring it to be honest.
If there is a family history of early heart disease he does need to address it although simply losing weight may not be sufficient.

I imagine anyone with a bmi of 29 is overweight.

As pp said, BMI is literally a measure of whether you’re overweight. The weight range in ‘healthy’ for each height is huge.

A bmi of 29 and being 6’4 doesn’t sound overly concerning. It’s his issue to deal with if he felt necessary and that you as a partner must accept lovingly instead of trying to control and change. All you can do is show your concern and give general advice to your partner about his wellbeing if you are that worried about him.

Imagine if this thread was made by him about your weight? Would you be gutted or flattered?

I don’t think there is much available on nhs for a bmi of 29 other than the advice to eat less and move more.

The lifestyle behind getting to that BMI does.
OP has said he eats convenience food so I’m assuming heavily processed crap full of salt/fat and possibly alcohol. If he ate healthily, but just too much of it, and was active but that heavy, he may not have hypertension at all.

Also people forget that BMI isn’t a measure of how good you look, it’s a health risk indicator and, although a little outdated, is a good guide for the average person.

I don't imagine that 3st excess a 6ft 4 frame is that significant?

I'm also wondering what the responses would be if the sexes were reversed!

You haven't been together long and only see eachother on weekends, yet you're on a bit of a mission to change him already? You are a red flag in this scenario. I understand if you've always been extremely health conscious - you probably see this as helping, but honestly it's not.

If he wants to loose weight he needs a personal trainer not a girlfriend...

A bmi of 29 is a concern whether you're 6'4" or 5'4"

You sound very controlling...so I'm voting 'leave him' as I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone like you. He's 6'4 and has BMI of 29 ffs! He's hardly a weeble is he? 🤦‍♀️

Could you go to the gym together at weekends or start couch to 5k together?!

Don't waste the GP's time. The GP will only state the obvious and the world is awash with information on healthier eating and getting started with exercise.

BMI of 29 is high end of overweight but not obese so medical assistance is highly unlikely to be offered. That's normally after trying to improve lifestyle anyway.

He needs to eat healthier foods and move more to improve his metabolic rate. Healthier foods don't have to be complicated for one person and there's so much that can be made in 15 mins- less time than waiting for a take away.

This has to come from him. You can not "fix" him. You can support if he actively wants to make changes.

Consider your compatibility. The early days of a reationship shouldn't be about "fixing him" for any reason.

With a BMI of 29 he will be told to eat less move more. Presumably he knows this anyway. Please do not waste GP appointments for this. Suggest he goes to a local Slimming World (or similar) instead. He may prefer something like CWP one to one diet.

What other weight-related issues does he have?
I know many are saying not to waste GP time but if he wants to lose weight and needs support then a frank discussion with his GP about the importance of trying to get it down rather than see it creep up into obesity is a good idea I think.
A GP would surely be happier to talk to someone trying to ward off obesity than present in a couple of years time with health problems.
Obviously it's something that needs to come from him thought.

His self motivation to live a healthier lifestyle is not your responsibility. I’m assuming that you find his poor health unattractive so just end the relationship rather than trying to mould him into your ideal man - especially after only a year.

Don’t waste the GPs time either. A doctor can’t put the effort in at the gym or not eat excessive calories for him.

he cooks for himself midweek and understandably when cooking for one, goes for convenience food

You want him to go to the GP, who will just tell him to stop with the convenience foods and cook healthy meals, and to exercise? Are you having a laugh? The GP is for people who HAVE cut out the shit but are not losing weight, or have other health conditions whereby they cannot lose weight as they cannot move or stand for long in a kitchen cooking etc.