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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work WhatsApp Groups

57 replies

AbbeyDown · 28/12/2024 21:48

I don't know what to do. I have a really uneasy feeling recently at work.

Small team, large organisation. I have been there a long time.

One particular colleague keeps starting WhatsApp groups, excluding one person and then leaving the group, I assume to create another. A conversation happened in the department and a colleague started oh I put it in the group but stopped herself from carrying on as I was present.

I then got added to a work WhatsApp group. (I have a sneaky suspicion I wasn't added to the group previously) Everyone was included. Said person who started the WhatsApp group then left without stating why.

Said person then started another WhatsApp group.
Not every single member of the team was included in this WhatsApp group, just a few of us. This excluded one member in particular because she couldn't trust the 'snake' in the other group.

Said person who started this group has now left this group that she started.......again! No explanation. On Christmas Day!!! (I only went into the group today so noticed)

I don't understand she keeps creating groups and leaving them, starting others but excluding people.

I'm sure I will have now been left out of another she has created!

I have been off work recently due to a personal reason and she was messaging me asking how I was but then I feel, fishing when I was coming back to work. She isn't my
Manager although likes to boss people so I didn't tell her.

She tends to try and micromanage everyone at work also and everyone is fed up of it.
Sucks up to the manager, she does the most work etc etc which isn't true.

I'm just feeling uneasy about it all.

OP posts:
GRex · 28/12/2024 21:50

It all seems very childish. Ask HR if they have a policy; many large organisations don't allow WhatsApp.

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 28/12/2024 21:54

GRex · 28/12/2024 21:50

It all seems very childish. Ask HR if they have a policy; many large organisations don't allow WhatsApp.

It's not a work WhatApp as such, it's a colleague has started it for other colleagues.

OP posts:
AdviceAdvice123 · 28/12/2024 21:55

Sounds like someone I work with. I recently discovered I’m no longer included in the what’s app groups. I breathed a sigh of relief, I don’t want to be anywhere near that toxicity!

BrownBoot · 28/12/2024 21:56

Just don’t engage with any of it. in fact, if these are groups that you aren’t required to be in by your employer, leave them as soon as you’re added. What do they actually discuss?

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 28/12/2024 21:57

BrownBoot · 28/12/2024 21:56

Just don’t engage with any of it. in fact, if these are groups that you aren’t required to be in by your employer, leave them as soon as you’re added. What do they actually discuss?

Nothing important. Well the second group created, which excluded a colleague started off by saying "new group, don't trust the snake"

I don't understand why she creates them, then leaves them and creates new ones leaving someone out. It's really bitchy and awful to be honest.

OP posts:
LittleRedYarny · 28/12/2024 22:01

I feel your pain OP, I I was purposely excluded from a whatsapp group because I was the only female in the team and they wanted to have “Lad Banz” and as it turns out slag me off.

I now don’t use WhatsApp and claim that I am not comfortable with some of the T&Cs of using WhatsApp so I don’t get constantly nagged. (It genuinely works better as an excuse that saying I previously had issues with groups, as the usual response is just “oh that won’t happen with us!”) It does mean I occasionally miss out on bits and pieces but honestly it really isn’t the end of the world.

LittleRedYarny · 28/12/2024 22:03

AbbeyDown · 28/12/2024 21:57

Nothing important. Well the second group created, which excluded a colleague started off by saying "new group, don't trust the snake"

I don't understand why she creates them, then leaves them and creates new ones leaving someone out. It's really bitchy and awful to be honest.

Show quote history

Oof! just seen your update - would perhaps have a chat with a union rep if you have one or ACAS as this could be construed as bullying.

RegulatorsMountUp · 28/12/2024 22:04

Can you block her in some way so she can't add you to groups? She sounds hideous. I would have screenshot and reported the snake comment. Horrible immature bully.

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 28/12/2024 22:08

RegulatorsMountUp · 28/12/2024 22:04

Can you block her in some way so she can't add you to groups? She sounds hideous. I would have screenshot and reported the snake comment. Horrible immature bully.

I feel it is bordering on bullying. I have screenshotted everything.

I have a feeling that she has now left this one I was added too, she is now creating another.

Why keep creating groups yourself and then leaving them? It doesn't make sense. Just to exclude a person who she decides she doesn't like from one week to the next?

OP posts:
RegulatorsMountUp · 28/12/2024 22:09

AbbeyDown · 28/12/2024 22:08

I feel it is bordering on bullying. I have screenshotted everything.

I have a feeling that she has now left this one I was added too, she is now creating another.

Why keep creating groups yourself and then leaving them? It doesn't make sense. Just to exclude a person who she decides she doesn't like from one week to the next?

Show quote history

It is bullying. It is. Report it. Block her.

GRex · 29/12/2024 07:33

AbbeyDown · 28/12/2024 22:08

I feel it is bordering on bullying. I have screenshotted everything.

I have a feeling that she has now left this one I was added too, she is now creating another.

Why keep creating groups yourself and then leaving them? It doesn't make sense. Just to exclude a person who she decides she doesn't like from one week to the next?

Show quote history

If that is a direct quote, then it is not "bordering on bullying", it IS bullying. You have a duty to report it to HR, and depending on the field / company you may be in a lot of trouble if you don't. Send the screenshots to HR today and exit any other group that gets set up.

Nothelpingishard · 29/12/2024 07:50

In case you're not aware you can prevent yourself from being added to groups. Go to settings, then privacy, then groups. There you can choose who can add you to groups, so either can block colleague or do what I do and block everyone because I detest being randomly added to groups. Now people send a link and I can decide whether to join.

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 29/12/2024 09:21

Nothelpingishard · 29/12/2024 07:50

In case you're not aware you can prevent yourself from being added to groups. Go to settings, then privacy, then groups. There you can choose who can add you to groups, so either can block colleague or do what I do and block everyone because I detest being randomly added to groups. Now people send a link and I can decide whether to join.

Thanks for this. No I wasn't aware I've just blocked everyone from adding me to groups.

OP posts:
GeorgieLark · 29/12/2024 09:52

It is low level mean girl activity. It is designed to keep people on edge, cause disruption and spread distrust. Find a couple of colleagues that you are close to and every time a new group is created you all leave it (others will follow as you won’t be the only person this is annoying). You could create a group with everyone but her and never mention her in the group (invite the boss she sucks up to). The advice to find out the HR policy on things like this is also good advice.

Branwells77 · 02/01/2025 07:05

Keep your distance and change your WhatsApp settings so you can’t be added to groups automatically any of the groups you already have whether they are still going or not keep them you may need them in future she sounds like a trouble maker and if any of the messages she’s sent you make you uncomfortable you could have a chat with your boss about it. Best wishes for 2025 OP

Fragglebuster · 02/01/2025 07:10

LittleRedYarny · 28/12/2024 22:03

Oof! just seen your update - would perhaps have a chat with a union rep if you have one or ACAS as this could be construed as bullying.

Show quote history

It is bullying. It's also a breach of GDPR because phone numbers show up, and colleagues may not want to share their numbers.

RubyRobin1 · 02/01/2025 07:30

WhatsApp is the worst. I am very tempted to delete mine as I detest all the groups.
For work, I’d much rather stick to emailing.

I’m not sure what is happening with your colleague, but I would want no part of it.

Curtainqueen · 02/01/2025 07:37

AbbeyDown · 29/12/2024 09:21

Thanks for this. No I wasn't aware I've just blocked everyone from adding me to groups.

Show quote history

That should solve the initial issue but she does seem to be using it as a platform to bully which is a wider issue.

OopsOhNoZHM · 02/01/2025 07:38

Sounds like she's creating then leaving so that she can stir shit up but seem like she's no part of it

WhatDaHell · 02/01/2025 07:40

I worked with someone who used to do this, it was weird. Luckily I no longer work there and I often wondered why she would constantly do this. Definitely did the right thing by not allowing her to add you into groups anymore

KTSl1964 · 02/01/2025 07:41

The person likes DRAMA - she loves it and sounds emotionally damaged - remove yourself and don't engage.

coolcahuna · 02/01/2025 07:42

I'm pretty sure you can change your settings on WhatsApp to stop people adding you to groups. They have to send you an invite link.

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 02/01/2025 07:43

Branwells77 · 02/01/2025 07:05

Keep your distance and change your WhatsApp settings so you can’t be added to groups automatically any of the groups you already have whether they are still going or not keep them you may need them in future she sounds like a trouble maker and if any of the messages she’s sent you make you uncomfortable you could have a chat with your boss about it. Best wishes for 2025 OP

Thank you. Another poster further down told me about a setting were I can't be just automatically added to any WhatsApp group anymore so I have done that.

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/01/2025 07:44

coolcahuna · 02/01/2025 07:42

I'm pretty sure you can change your settings on WhatsApp to stop people adding you to groups. They have to send you an invite link.

Agreed. I would absolutely have no part of this.

Original poster
AbbeyDown · 02/01/2025 07:45

OopsOhNoZHM · 02/01/2025 07:38

Sounds like she's creating then leaving so that she can stir shit up but seem like she's no part of it

You have taken the words right out of my mouth. She is extremely nice to everyone's face, even sucking upto them in some instances but then she's creating WhatsApp groups and excluding certain people. I'm trying to distance myself from her because I've seen right through her behaviour.

OP posts: