To think we shouldn't always get the same?

[AGreatUsername]

Genuinely not sure if I'm BU! My father and step mother are terrible gift givers (the favoured step siblings definitely get more/better gifts, but that's a whole other issue and there are levels of favouritism even among the step siblings) and spend very little despite being more than comfortable.

Anyway, they buy me, my SiL and my adult daughter the same gift every year, as in we all get the exact same thing. Whether it's socks or whatever, this year was a £10 item from M&S that my SIL loved but neither me nor my daughter would ever use. They also buy my husband and brother the same item every year.

I don't care about the money, but I just think I'd rather have a £10 gift they chose thinking I'd like it than a bulk buy every year! My SiL and I are very different people with different tastes and I just find buying the exact same thing utterly thoughtless and a mark of having to just get something out of duty.

Weird that your dad doesn't put an effort in but never mind. That's the cards you're dealt. I expect stepmum does the gifts for her kids.

Just suggest no longer doing gifts with them. They don’t buy for you and you don’t buy for them. Done.

YABU - if someone gives you a gift, then it is just that - a gift. They choose what they choose. Smile, say thank you. End of.

Next year ask them to not buy you anything and instead make a donation to your local homeless charity.

I find it hard to believe that neither of you can find a use for an M&S voucher. You can get food, chocolates, a bottle wine or a pack of knickers if nothing else. Personally I'd rather have a voucher for somewhere useful than more "stuff". There's not much they could get for £10 (another scented candle anyone)! Otherwise I can understand you being a bit pissed off if you give them well thought out gifts. If you do, then I'd stop doing it because there's clearly no point. You aren't going to change them and the only alternative is to cause a massive upset.

So OP's step- mother is buying Christmas presents for the spouses of her adult step children and the adult daughter of her adult step- daughter?

And they're whinging about her not putting enough thought into it?

@ginasevern
What are you talking about? They didn’t get an M&S voucher 🫤

They got a £10 item from M&S which they can't use.

Tbh I'm struggling to think what costs £10 from M & S that can't be used. I mean I might not buy M&S scented candle/ cosmetics/ perfume/ vase/ scarf/whatever but there isn't anything so horrific I couldn't use it

Why are you quoting me? I know they didn’t get a voucher. The other poster I quoted is the one saying they got a voucher.

Highly fragranced handcream

Blimey you're hard work. I was replying to you. You (rather aggressively) challenged the poster who got it wrong but didn't clarify to her what she got wrong.

Ah, my apologies. I though it said a £10 voucher not item. Sorry, reading through a streaming cold at the moment.

I would use that.

I don't think YABU, it's thoughtless and just ticking a box..however there is nothing you can do about it. My DF gives me the same amount of cash in an envelope every year, he could easily buy something thoughtful for less but he can't be arsed. That said he is generous with the cash. My Dh had the same issue with a family member, never gave it thought. It's a trait I don't like but you have to accept it.

That’s still not a reply to me. I knew it was an item, because I read the OP. Someone else thought it was a voucher. If you want to tell them what it is then quote them, don’t quote me. I didn’t need to be told. I read it.

Lots of people wouldn't though

I really wouldn't worry. Everyone gets a few crap presents at Xmas.🙄.

Whatever.

Lots of people get presents that aren't exactly right. The OP is old enough to have an adult daughter yet is whinging like a child about what is presumably an inoffensive present.

Yeah fair enough

It is not an "inoffensive" present. It is a present that says "I don't know what you would like as an individual, I don't know you very well, and can't be bothered to think about it."
It is quite insulting really. Worse than not doing presents at all.

This is a good point - is there any evidence that OP's father does any of the present choosing? Or is it really just from the step-mother?

OP - suggest that next year adults don't exchange gifts, all agree to only get them for children, e.g. under 16 or 18

Yep OP, your dad is a lazy and thoughtless gift giver.

It’s a shame for you that your dad doesn’t match the effort and expense that your step mother goes to for her children.

I guess he’s a shit father in many other ways too.

On the plus side M&S are pretty good about returns, so maybe take back what you got for a credit note that you can put towards something you’d actually like or use.