To think he should just get a job?

[queltye]

I’m sure I’ll be told it’s none of my business - but my interest in the matter stems from wanting it to not be my business.

My dad took early retirement aged 58. Used his lump sum to pay off what he owed on the mortgage. My mum works and needs to so she can pay her remaining portion of the mortgage.

My dad is now 61. He’s had three years of doing nothing. He lives off modest savings and is waiting for his pension to kick in. But the issue is that he’s not got enough money to live the lifestyle he wants or used to have.

Their house is a wreck, holes in the carpet, entire bathrooms not working, and always absolutely freezing cold. Always whining about money and how much things cost and how he has to pay this or that bill. He’s always stressed about money and makes my mum upset.

He doesn’t let us pay for a meal out and would rather no one gets to go because he can’t afford to pay for himself.

AIBU to think the obvious and easy answer is that he gets a job for a couple of years? Nothing stressful or full time but something to bring in an extra few hundred or £1k a month.

A part time job would be the obvious answer

Well yeah of course.

They are married, presumably for a long time, and yet they have ‘portions’ of their mortgage to pay? Surely this is a LTB thread for your DM?

Urgh he sounds awful. My worst nightmare is ending up married to someone like this. Agree your mum should be making plans to leave.

Of course he should. He won’t get his state pension for years. He clearly couldn’t afford to retire when he did

Has he always been lazy?

Sorry, he paid off HIS portion of the mortgage? is he financially abusive to your DM? What a bizarre set up for a long term marriage.

Unless he took early retirement due to ill health, then yes he should take at least a PT job.

If he has ill health, he could apply for PIP,& contribution based ESA?

Why did he retire at 58 when he clearly did not have enough money to do so? Crazy.

My mum works and needs to so she can pay her remaining portion of the mortgage.

This is not how mortgages should be viewed between married people, of course he should be working, has he always been lazy?

He sounds like a lazy, controlling bully. If that was my Mum I'd be telling her to leave! She'd still get half the equity in the house even if he has "paid off his portion" (which is totally bizarre by the way)

Yes he has always been lazy. He’s always been tight fisted and mean when it comes to money unless it’s to spend on himself. A bath was never allowed with more than four inches of water.

He complains that it’s not fair that friends have more money or a nicer house than him; forgetting that they have either inherited a chunk or were more ambitious in their careers.

By the way - we’re talking about someone from an upper middle class back ground.

The mortgage split is common when couples have seperate finances. It’s not abusive if it’s been agreed on and is fair.

Yep bizarre

There is no net gain as if he’d left the money in his pension or paid on mortgage, she’d have got half of it either way in a divorce.

Yeah. Isn’t the point of marriage or at least a point of marriage that you do everything together. I think he’s massively unfair to your Mum.

What?? I could understand if it were a second marriage & one brought more to the table than the other. But seriously he's happy for his wife to work full time & him do nothing. Plus live miserably because of him. Surely in a balanced relationship, you would would want both of you to perhaps wind down & work part time, once you could afford to comfortably. He's at least 4 years till state pension kicks in & that's not a fabulous amount.

You always find that. Those with money wouldn’t give you a Chocolate gold coin or a monopoly note. However those with nothing would gladly give you their last penny, it’s always the way.

None of your business right but yes you are right.

I feel bad for your mum :(

Out of curiosity, but how is he upper middle class when he’s barely scraping by?

Well it is her Business if this affects her mum.

Why do they have "portions" of the mortgage? That's a bit odd for a married couple isn't it? Unless they plan on seperating at some point. Also how was each portion of the mortgage decided? Were they on the exact same salary and contributing exactly half each of all the other bills? So many questions :|

But yeah, he should get a job if he's skint. 58 isn't old and if you're fit and capable of working then you should work 🤷🏻‍♀️

No. It's her Mum's business.

Did mum ask for help?

If he has whole bathrooms out of order it sounds like there is plenty of room to downsize their home. They could get something small in good condition and have money left over.

Yes, he either needs to get a job or they need to downsize. Obvs.