To think he should just get a job?

[queltye]

I’m sure I’ll be told it’s none of my business - but my interest in the matter stems from wanting it to not be my business.

My dad took early retirement aged 58. Used his lump sum to pay off what he owed on the mortgage. My mum works and needs to so she can pay her remaining portion of the mortgage.

My dad is now 61. He’s had three years of doing nothing. He lives off modest savings and is waiting for his pension to kick in. But the issue is that he’s not got enough money to live the lifestyle he wants or used to have.

Their house is a wreck, holes in the carpet, entire bathrooms not working, and always absolutely freezing cold. Always whining about money and how much things cost and how he has to pay this or that bill. He’s always stressed about money and makes my mum upset.

He doesn’t let us pay for a meal out and would rather no one gets to go because he can’t afford to pay for himself.

AIBU to think the obvious and easy answer is that he gets a job for a couple of years? Nothing stressful or full time but something to bring in an extra few hundred or £1k a month.

My thoughts exactly! This part lept out at me OP
"My mum works and needs to so she can pay her remaining portion of the mortgage"
Your parents set up is VERY strange!!

Yes, he needs to get a job but are you sure he has no money and isn't just being mean both emotionally and materially.

To have listened to my ILs you'd have thought they scraped by from week to week and the house is like the house that time forgot. When FIL died there was a million in the bank. I cannotnremember the number of times I have heard MIL say "poor people like us".

Thats why I asked if he retired due to ill health. It makes sense he’d still have to pay his portion of the mortgage using his pension if he accepted an offer of early retirement due to ill health. At 58, it’s pretty common to happen. It’s also pretty common for there to be an age difference. So if his wife were only 50, he’d have already worked 8yrs longer than her. There isn’t enough information from the OP to know if it’s unfair or not.

Paid his portion of the mortgage! Now he's run out of money??? What a prick!

Tell him to get of his lazy arse and get a job! What does your mum say?

No ill health whatsoever

Ok, so he should get a PT job. What is the age difference between them?

What did he previously work as for a job?

Has your mum never considered divorcing him?
I can't believe living with a man like this is making her happier than being single?

He needs a PT job... at my workplace (local hospital) we have lots of people just like your dad. They retired from their careers and found out that they have not enough money to have a comfortable lifestyle. They are (bank) staff doing a bit of portering, cleaning or driving between the sites...
His situation definitely isn't unique.

My FIL and my father both work in their mid 70s, no idea why ypur dad has chosen to retire so early but it does sound super early to retire these days. Also my actual husband is 54 and we have two young kids and both work. Your dad has retired really early. Editing to say my dad and father in lae still work full time, just never retired. Partner just got a brand new full time job, i think he sounds lazy or depressed :(

My thoughts, too. Presumably the mother has to work longer because she took a few years out to have children? In which, this is unfair because being a mother to young children IS work.

Your poor mum. I hope he at least does all the domestic work.

And yes - he needs to get a job by the sound of it if he can't maintain his home.

your mum needs to heed this advice and get out of there.

My husband and I have always had separate bank accounts but we would never have dreamed of having separate parts of the mortgage to pay off. My DH earned more than me so the mortgage always came out of his bank account and when he took early retirement he paid off the remaining mortgage. I was still working but there was never any suggestion he only paid off part of the mortgage! The house is in our joint names.
When people are married household finances should be shared whether or not they have shared accounts.

He was working class until he left his job at McDonalds

He ought to get a job but he won't because it's easier to hold his wife to ransom and make her pay for things.
They are now in a standoff and he knows that she will blink first because the state of the house will upset her more than it upsets him.

I'm putting money on something like the police

Well, yes I agree. We have joint finances. But, I also know couples who have wholly separate finances where not even the mortgage is joint. If one partner pays their part ahead with a lump sum, the other partner still benefits from lower interest accruing so their portion is paid off that much faster.

These are happy couples, no one is financially abusing the other.

Your poor Mum should be thinking about leaving him
He obviously couldn't afford to retire early and expected your DM to make up the shortfall.
Something similar happened with my parents. Both gone now
My father retired at 55 from the fire service with a decent pension which he kept for himself, but did at least got a part time job at 60
This was 1982 though so different times