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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this just rude or do I need to suck it up?

36 replies

sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:30

NC as this is quite outing. Big birthday coming up and I have decided to book a break away for a few days with my DH. I’m not a party kind of person but thought a lovely break away, just the two of us over my birthday and then celebrate by going for a meal with my DD (19), siblings and DP’s when we get back. This was also the only break myself and DH will get alone in this next year as we have other holidays / breaks booked but with above family. DP have today ‘surprised me’ and told me that they have booked to come along on break away over my birthday. This was the only break myself and my DH were getting alone and I’m so upset that they have booked without even speaking to us about this. My DH has said we will still have a great time as we are really close with my DP’s but I just think it’s rude to just announce you’re crashing someone’s holiday. My DP have form for doing things on impulse including booking other breaks for us all to go on, but without speaking to us, firstly to check we want to do it and secondly to see of leave can be taken. I have asked them before not to do it as we both work FT and it means taking leave when we don’t necessarily want to and having to change other plans. I know I sound ungrateful and I need to just suck it up now and go with it, but AIBU to think this is just rude?

OP posts:
HagTime · 27/12/2024 16:33

Yes it's very rude of them.

Tell them to cancel it, or you'll cancel yours and go elsewhere.

If they have form for this stop telling them about your plans.

WorldKeepsSpinningRound · 27/12/2024 16:34

Given that you have specifically asked them not to do this and they have I would not be happy.

Book elsewhere. Don’t tell them. When they realise be all spontaneous and say you suddenly decided to change your plans.

They will no doubt be hurt but perhaps it will make them realise the error of their ways!

NigelHarmansNewWife · 27/12/2024 16:35

First post nails it

Katy232425 · 27/12/2024 16:37

It’s very rude and I don’t think you do need to suck it up or be grateful. I’d tell them straight that this was a romantic break for the two of you and you weren’t looking to have your parents come along. They’re already included in your birthday meal and other holidays. Or if move my trip to another time or place. If you can’t move your trip elsewhere and they still insisted on coming then, assuming they’re in the same hotel as you, I’d treat them like any other hotel guest and just say hi if you pass them in the lift. If they try and do things with you reply “Sorry, we have plans as a couple”, “sorry, DH and I are having a romantic meal for two”, “sorry, we’re off out, hope you have a nice afternoon whatever you decide to do” etc etc.

And then I wouldn’t be telling them about my plans in advance again!

BleachedJumper · 27/12/2024 16:39

I don’t think you actually do need to suck it up.

Where are you going? Is there any way you can change your plans?

Unless it’s a very remote, stand alone stay in one spot all weekend break, I’d just say ‘ah that’s nice for you, maybe we can go for a lunch/dinner on the last day’ and just do what you planned. When they go ‘oh no, we’re lodging up with you all weekend!’ Just laugh at them and say I don’t think so, we’re planning to be gazing into each others eyes and shagging like rabbits all night!’

ThinWomansBrain · 27/12/2024 16:41

I'd go with the move your holiday location and not mention it option.

tell them afterwards that you changed your plans because you wanted a romantic break away together - just in case they're really really dim and didn't get the message.

ShrugGood · 27/12/2024 16:43

Do not suck this up. As they have form for this, change your holiday if you can. If you can't then tell them you are going away with your husband and will have no time for anyone else. You didn't invite them and it is bloody rude to crash someone else's holiday. It is really messed up to think it is okay.

Terrribletwos · 27/12/2024 16:45

Yes, it's rude to not have consulted you first, absolutely you're not being unreasonable!

Is this your husband's doing as he seems to like all family get togethers?

Original poster
sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:49

Unfortunately it will cost to change it (and will cost my DP’s too if they cancel). Same hotel, different rooms. DH has said we will continue to do what we want to do and if they want to join is then that’s fine but we will be sticking to what we had planned. My DP’s are in their 70’s and not of the greatest of health so spending time with them is really important and special BUT on this occasion I am really upset. Special birthday, time alone with my DH and a much needed break away.

OP posts:
Original poster
sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:52

No my DH wasn’t aware of it. We were both stunned when they told us. My DH is very easy going and just goes with whatever is planned but he definitely wasn’t aware of this. My error in telling the details of where we were going

OP posts:
Original poster
sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:52

Terrribletwos · 27/12/2024 16:45

Yes, it's rude to not have consulted you first, absolutely you're not being unreasonable!

Is this your husband's doing as he seems to like all family get togethers?

No my DH wasn’t aware of it. We were both stunned when they told us. My DH is very easy going and just goes with whatever is planned but he definitely wasn’t aware of this. My error in telling the details of where we were going

OP posts:
SoMauveMonty · 27/12/2024 17:05

That's really bloody rude of them. You're an adult in your own right, not an extension of them, and should be allowed time away on your own with your DH.
Tell them bluntly - if you'd wanted them or anyone else along on the holiday, you'd have invited them.
I appreciate it'll cost you to change your booking but if you can stretch to it, do - and don't tell them where or when you're going instead!

Weyohweyoh · 27/12/2024 17:06

I’d tell them they need to cancel. This is a break just for the two of you and they were not invited. Don’t be diplomatic, make it very clear they are not welcome and should have asked before they booked anything. Gatecrashing is not acceptable behaviour.

Terrribletwos · 27/12/2024 17:07

sellotapestucktomyarse · 27/12/2024 16:52

No my DH wasn’t aware of it. We were both stunned when they told us. My DH is very easy going and just goes with whatever is planned but he definitely wasn’t aware of this. My error in telling the details of where we were going

Show quote history

So, I guess your husband is going to tell them that it doesn't work for you both?

ZaraSkyTraveler · 27/12/2024 17:08

I can’t understand your frustration, especially as they have form for this and you’ve told them before.

however, your mum was part of this special day 50 years ago (or 40 or whatever it is), So I kind of feel sorry for her…

2chocolateoranges · 27/12/2024 17:14

I’d be livid!

holidays are special for us either as a family or as a couple, I’d hate to share them with extended family.

id ask them to cancel as this is a special holiday planned for just you and dh.

WigglyVonWaggly · 27/12/2024 17:18

No, I wouldn’t accept this. You’ve asked them not to do it and they’ve done it again. You are entitled to spend private time alone away with your husband without your parents tagging along uninvited.

ThriveIn2025 · 27/12/2024 17:19

Sounds awful. It will completely change the break because you’ll constantly be considering them and their requirements. Can you ask them to cancel? I know you said they will loose money but that’s their fault and you said you’ve told them before not to do stuff like this.

ThriveIn2025 · 27/12/2024 17:20

ZaraSkyTraveler · 27/12/2024 17:08

I can’t understand your frustration, especially as they have form for this and you’ve told them before.

however, your mum was part of this special day 50 years ago (or 40 or whatever it is), So I kind of feel sorry for her…

Bonkers. She’s just going to end up alienating her daughter.

CandyCane457 · 27/12/2024 17:30

How rude of them- especially when you’ve explicitly told them before not to do this, and now they do it as a “surprise”?! Surely they know this would annoy you after you telling them before?

Id go back to them with something like “mum, dad, I know you thought it was a nice surprise to join our holiday but I’ve been thinking about it, and do you remember a few months back when I told you not to do this? So it’s just made me wonder why you did? This is the only holiday my husband and I are getting together next year and is quite like to keep it that way. Are your tickets refundable, so you’ve not wasted your money?”

Ella31 · 27/12/2024 17:33

Terrribletwos · 27/12/2024 17:07

So, I guess your husband is going to tell them that it doesn't work for you both?

Show quote history

It's the op's parents.

FrenchandSaunders · 27/12/2024 17:34

You need to tell them OP. I’d be fuming as it will be a totally different sort of holiday.

LookItsMeAgain · 27/12/2024 17:34

HagTime · 27/12/2024 16:33

Yes it's very rude of them.

Tell them to cancel it, or you'll cancel yours and go elsewhere.

If they have form for this stop telling them about your plans.

100% this.

If you have booked to stay in a hotel and it happens to be one of a chain, could you see if your booking could be adjusted so that you stay in a sister hotel of the one that you were originally planning on staying in?
Then you could play it that you thought it was X hotel but it's actually Y hotel (but only do that at the very last minute when the DP's can't change their booking).

Oh, and stop sharing so much information that allows them to do this in the first place.

MsNeis · 27/12/2024 17:36

HagTime · 27/12/2024 16:33

Yes it's very rude of them.

Tell them to cancel it, or you'll cancel yours and go elsewhere.

If they have form for this stop telling them about your plans.

HagTime nails it.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 27/12/2024 17:36

Don't tell them anything like that again.

I would also change the place just to prove a point, even if it cost more.