Do you still pay for your teenagers birthday celebrations with friends?

[MistletoeAndWine123]

Just wondering, if you still pay for your teenagers birthday celebrations with friends?

DS has a birthday next week, will be 15, and 6 of them are doing an activity and then getting a bite to eat after. Total bill will be approx £40pp. I had never questioned covering the cost until a friend asked me why I was paying for everyone. According to her, the teens should each be paying for themselves at this age.

Do you cover your teens birthday costs? For context he is still getting a gift and there will also be a family celebration meal that I will cover as well.

Well they're of an age now where there is no invitations obviously. They're all 15, so have organised everything between themselves and DS rang to book the activity himself.

Yes. They tell me how many people they want to celebrate with, and I tell them the budget per head, which might vary according to how much I'm spending on presents. 14yo prefers to do cinema/bowling and KFC, 17yo will go for a more expensive meal. No one takes the piss.

But how do you communicate to the guests that they’re paying? As a parent, I have no idea whether DS’ friend booked the party himself, or whether his friend’s mum booked it. How do the guests know they’re self-funding?

Well they're not self funding as I'm paying so we don't need to communicate this to them. My friend was saying that at their age, they should be spending their own pocket money to celebrate with a friend, which tbf I did when I was that age. So I was just interested to know what everyone else does.

I paid for mine and their friends up to 18. After that they were at uni.

I did up until 18 and then again for her 21st.

An activity they've organised and booked themselves no I'd pay for my son but not everyone else. My DD at this age does all kinds of birthday meals out and activities for one another's birthdays and they all pay for themselves. I threw her a party and paid for that but that was an invitation to our home. The rest they just organise amongst themselves and pay for themselves.

No. We wouldn't have paid that sort of money at any point. By that age, if they organise it themselves, I would expect them all to pay for themselves. My kids definitely wouldn't invite anyone to something and assume I'd pay.

Well I can't speak for his friends, but DS receives a monthly allowance, has a healthy savings balance in the £££s and has also been gifted nearly £500 for Xmas so far, will likely make the same in cash for his Bday as well.

Round here I think this has changed quite recently. Pre-covid older teens largely transitioned to all chipping in and paying for themselves (and tended not to bring gifts on top), whereas current teens haven't. Now it's more parents paying for it all and teens still bringing gifts.

I did up to the 18th birthday (small party at home with pizza from local restaurant and supple of booze) but not beyond

I still think you should pay at 15, but the teen will be getting any treats or big things he wants beyond the party for a good few months if he's got plenty of savings and Christmas money. Don't think it's fair to say he should use that on his own party though.

@TeenageRooster not suggesting he pays for his friends out of his own money, was just replying to @Bertielong3 when they asked where his friends would have the money to pay for this activity.

This is what I remember at that age. We would go to the cinema, pizza etc and pay for ourselves and the birthday person as well but there would be no additional gifts on too, unless it was a very close friend.

I figure it you invite people anywhere you pay. Birthdays, cinema, out for food whatever it is. You invite, you pay

I agree with you. Your friend thinks they should be paying for themselves out of allowance? My DC is 15 next birthday. If he spent £40 on a meal out with his mates fur a birthday, that's his whole monthly allowance gone in one day.

Well, that's the difference isn't it? Amongst teens we know, prior to 16 and part time jobs, the monthly allowance was around £40-£50 which often had to cover paying for phone and other essential costs. And no one had great amounts of savings.

If you're all from wealthy family backgrounds where a teen can easily afford to pay £20 or £30 or more to attend a friend's birthday party, it's a bit different.

Yes always pay.

Until 18 they got a birthday treat, it could be a party, activity with friends or something with me (plus now exh). Dd1 had a party one but mostly negotiated tickets for something with us accompanying, she's autistic and deeply into music, high brow mostly which can be £££ eg royal opera Covent Garden dd2 varied a bit but being a foodie she would request an expensive meal out with us and bring along her boyfriend since 17, she's still with him so I hadn't scared him off

Yes of course!!

I would still pay, but would give my teenager a budget of for example £100/£150, and they can decide cheaper activity with more people or more expensive with just a couple of friends. If they wanted 6 people I would say I would cover an activity - such as movie or whatever, and they could either pay to eat put themselves or I can get some pizzas etc for them to have back at the house.

No way

I paid for my 17 year old to do an escape room with 5 friends then pizza at our place afterwards. She is autistic and has anxiety and isn’t ready for a job yet. I’m just so pleased she has her loyal gang that I’m happy to pay.

Yes, of course. Extra cost of teenagers is offset by not having so many of them.