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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the child should have the room?

85 replies

YellowDoorYellowFloor · 27/12/2024 11:52

I visited an old school friend over Christmas who I will call Hannah.

Hannah lives in a modern town house-type home- bottom floor open plan living/dining room with separate kitchen, middle floor master bedroom with en suite, 2nd reasonable sized room and a 4th bedroom which is really a box room then on the top floor another good sized bedroom and a fair sized landing area with great natural light.

Hannah has 2 DC, aged 10 and 8. The 10 yr old has the reasonable sized room on the middle floor, and the 8yr old is in the box room. The room on the top floor has a bed in for guests and a desk for Hannah for her hobby (neither Hannah nor her DH work from home).

The room the 8yr old is in is so small literally it’s just a single bed and a chest of drawers- no wardrobe, no space for toys or to play (although he does have toys downstairs)

AIBU to be surprised you’d leave one of your children in such a tiny room when there is an alternative?

(I am aware her house, her choices but I really felt for the child. They are very middle class and the children are clearly loved and looked after but I just thought it a strange way to prioritise space. And no, as far as I’m aware there are no regular guests who come to stay)

OP posts:
CheekySnake · 27/12/2024 13:02

There is also a possibility that Hannah and her husband are regularly sleeping in separate beds, speaking as the child who was squashed in the box room for that reason.

Either way, it's not your business.

Wonderi · 27/12/2024 13:07

If they were on the same floor then I would say YANBU.

But most adults want the kids on the same floor and most kids would want to be on the top floor at a young age.

My niece is 9 and is moving to a 3 story home and as she’s the eldest she has to have the top floor and she’s really worried about it.

Quitelikeit · 27/12/2024 13:08

How do you know the child doesn’t want this? I have a large house and my son constantly asks me to move into the box room because he feels safer being in a small room

pinkyredrose · 27/12/2024 13:11

What's it got to do with you? Are you looking for reasons to criticise them?

Original poster
YellowDoorYellowFloor · 27/12/2024 13:15

Genuinely interested in the responses- hadn’t thought of the keeping all on the same floor, which does make sense.

And also, 100% not my circus not my monkeys, but wasn’t aware of that being a criteria for AIBU. And it’s helped me understand.

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 27/12/2024 13:25

I think it's up to them. We are very much a bedroom is a space for sleeping/getting dressed so size of room isn't important to any of us.

Thewrongdoor · 27/12/2024 13:37

Completely fine. My nephew had the tiny box room when there was a spare larger bedroom available.

Vettrianofan · 27/12/2024 13:41

CheekySnake · 27/12/2024 13:02

There is also a possibility that Hannah and her husband are regularly sleeping in separate beds, speaking as the child who was squashed in the box room for that reason.

Either way, it's not your business.

Valid point there.

Paul2023 · 27/12/2024 13:44

I’m seriously wondering why you care so much about it, as to create a thread about something so trivial…who cares?

HotBath · 27/12/2024 13:49

DS insists on sleeping on the same floor as us at the moment, despite the room being small and there being a much bigger bedroom on the top floor he currently uses for gaming. I’m not surprised an eight year old doesn’t want to sleep on a different floor to her parents and siblings. What’s weird to me is that you didn’t think there was likely to be some such explanation, and went straight to ‘posting in the internet about how wrong they are.

DonnatellaLyman · 27/12/2024 13:52

I regularly have to turf one of my kids out of their room for guests, and it’s a pain.

If we had a spare room I’d definitely put a child in the box room and keep a guest room in a double, particularly if it could also be used as an office.

PrincessOfPreschool · 27/12/2024 14:14

My DD, when she was aged 12, chose to move into the box room from a big double room! She likes the cosiness, she says. Even now, I've offered for her to move back into the large room and do it up a bit, as it's just spare, but she likes her tiny room. It has a large window spanning most of one wall and a nice view. It's her choice but I'm sure if people who didn't know us well had a house tour, they would think we're mean parents!

Dreamstosell · 27/12/2024 14:55

At 8 and 10 neither of my children would have wanted to be on a different floor to me and one in particular would have ended up in with me every night if he was on the top floor alone. Also while mine did have their own decent sided rooms they rarely played in them and brought their toys downstairs to play

latetothefisting · 27/12/2024 15:19

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 27/12/2024 12:17

What does their class have to do with anything at all?

it's important to clarify that neither of the kids have to share a room with the whippets and/or all 4 grandparents sharing a single bed hoping in vain to win a golden ticket to a chocolate factory, innit?

I agree with other posters
a) not your business
b) unless Hannah said the 8 y/o specifically asked for a bigger room and she refused, there's no issue

mondaytosunday · 27/12/2024 15:20

My kids were on a different floor to us when babies! So that's not a problem to me but other think differently. Maybe the eight year old likes her bedroom.

Hankunamatata · 27/12/2024 15:22

I'm guessing they want both dc on the same floor as them. Probably havnt changed them since they were babies

TipsyKoala · 27/12/2024 15:34

Maybe they have people to stay regularly and the box room isn’t big enough for this. We have a similar situation. Our second biggest bedroom is a guest room/office/gym and youngest DC has the smallest bedroom. This is how the space works for us. We may change it as he gets older.

BendingSpoons · 27/12/2024 15:38

We're redoing our spare room/office. We offered DS could move in there, as he currently has the smallest room. He declined. He likes his room and he tends to play downstairs or sometimes in DD's room.

mumoftoddlerandteen · 27/12/2024 15:50

I have a friend like this - four bed house with three bedrooms on the middle floor. Two of those bedrooms are large doubles and the other is a box room. Their son’s room is the tiny box room. Can’t get my head round why that’s his room!!!!

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 27/12/2024 15:52

My parents asked me which room I wanted when my younger brother was born, I chose the tiny box room. Maybe the child chose that room

Pancakeflipper · 27/12/2024 15:54

It's probably been thought about and discussed by your friend.

One of my children has a small room. (Small wardrobe, single bed, desk, bookshelves) and won't go to the larger room which is on the next floor. They say the room is cosy and their room.

I, therefore find myself with a massive office all for myself!!

Katy232425 · 27/12/2024 16:19

My children sleep and change clothes in their rooms and that is about it. They don’t have toys upstairs beyond stuffed toys in their beds. They don’t have wardrobes because they only own about six garments between them that need hanging so they just go in mine.

They have ample space to play, do homework, leave toys out, read and hang out with friends in the social space part of the house downstairs, which is where all the toys and books are. I much prefer them not isolated off in their rooms for hours anyway. They actually have quite big bedrooms just because of the house layout, but they’d be fine in box rooms. To use the current social media term they are “living room kids” not “bedroom kids” - maybe Hannah’s are the same.

I really don’t see the issue with Hannah’s house.

Frazzled83 · 31/12/2024 20:35

Our old house had two bedrooms on the first floor and two in the attic. I specifically moved before having a second child because the practicalities and fire risk stuff of having different floors made me feel weird.

tammie49 · 31/12/2024 20:39

My son is 9 and he has the attic to himself. We only moved in 2 months ago. Reading this thread has made me feel bad but he honestly loves it up there! He's our eldest.
Wr have 3 bedrooms on the 1st floor but the box room has been converted into an office.
There could be all manner of reasons your friend has it set up like that.

CrispieCake · 31/12/2024 20:40

My children have trouble sleeping in separate beds from us, let alone on a completely different floor.