DS says his step mum has dated my DP

[sooph]

Bit of a weird one! My DS11 came home from his Dad's today and whilst updating me on his day said that his step mum (well, dad's girlfriend) had told him that a few years back she'd had a couple of dates with my boyfriend of a year. My boyfriend has seen her from a distance and has seen photos so knows who she is. Boyfriend has only recently met DS.

His step mum has told a number of bizarre lies before (I won't go in to that now) but I can't imagine why she'd lie about this (or tell DS for that matter but that's a whole other story).

AIBU to think if he has dated her previously he should have said something? It's all a little strange.

Ask him! If she has form for lying she may just be a bit of a weirdo.

If you all live in roughly the same area, it isn't really that strange. It's a small world.

Ask him. Randoms on the internet don’t know the answer.

It could happen and I don’t think that ultimately it makes your DP a terrible person for not telling you, it might have meant nothing to him and didn’t think it was worth upsetting you over. Just speak to him about it.

I was all set to ask him earlier but then I talked myself out of it in case this is one of her strange lies and then I'd thoroughly embarrass myself!

Why would you feel embarrassed? You haven't made this up, she told you DC. You don't have to accuse him of anything, make it jokey.

How would asking him embarrass you? If they haven't dated then the embarrassment lies with her.

If they have dated and he hasn't told you about it and he knew I'd be livid.

Just tell him what she’s said, if he hasn’t then he will be just as confused as you are. She’s the one who should be embarrassed if she’s lying, not you. I’d also tell the dc and your ex, liars are dangerous and need to be exposed, even over inconsequential things like this.

Why would you be embarrassed???

If he has, hopefully it won’t affect how you feel about it. Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell you. Or perhaps it’d not true or even that she’s mistaken. Ie He may look like someone else. Equally he may not recognise or remember her. Women tend to have better memories than men.

I’d just say “ so and so have said she went on a couple dates with you years ago and she told my son” something along those lines without highlighting that you believe she’s a liar cause he’ll jump straight to it if he can. It’s not for you to be embarrassed about

Just ask him. It's not that weird. You also 'dated' her current partner

I find it weird you have been with a man for over a year sleep with him, he has met your son and you can’t ask him a question ?

@Imbusytodaysorry Maybe I'm worried if I ask him he'll say yes he has.

That makes sense!

Ok well what’s your worry about though ?
How will it affect you both if he has.?

Everyone has a past and it was only a couple of dates.

@sooph everyone has a past you have to get over it and it’s no one’s fault it’s ended up this way.

It isn't that surprising if you all live locally and were going on dates around the same time. Kind of strange though to think about it!

@Imbusytodaysorry I guess I have a couple of worries - one being that he's had plenty of opportunity to tell me and he hasn't, and second, DS' step mum has been pretty awful to me on a few occasions since being with my ex.

Ask him. Maybe it was so short lived he didn’t even think of it, maybe he was embarrassed, who knows?

@sooph the first one is understandable.
That would be something to think about to why he hadn’t told you.

As for the later he can’t control the behaviour of your exh new girlfriend though can he.

You’re going to just have to bite the bullet and talk to him.

You could just say “oh you never told me you dated “Mary” ? He can then say no I never !!?
Or he says yeah was ages ago I didn’t know how to tell you .

But it was only a couple of dates, even if it is true.

She sounds like a shit stirring bitch. Look now how she has got you worked up over something that might be a lie. Fuck her.

Why would it be an issue if he has?
Is it more that he just didn’t tell you?

Chances are it was just a bit of something and nothing and she was 1 of many.
(Maybe he doesn’t even remember her).

He may have saw it as just friends and she may have thought it was more of a date.

This isn’t going away so I would just ask him and get it over with.

Agreed with this.

Don't let it get into your head @sooph it's not worth it.

She's clearly wanting to wind you up - whether it's true or not it's history and don't let it affect your future.

Just ask him, clear the air and put it to bed.

How? By asking a completely normal question?

"Oi Dave, Sandra said she dated you for a while, is that true?"

Job done, surely? 😳

Why would it matter if he had a couple of dates with her? Just ask him! It seems like a silly lie for her to make up, seeing as he is obviously going to tell you if it's not true.